Tastes like gall
by cythill
Summary: AU: „So it's you and me, I guess." the other girl, that everbody referred to as Vause, said and Piper was sure it was the first time she ever heard her talking, because that voice she would have remembered for sure. It was a dark, raspy voice that promised mystery and misery. It would have been sexy if it didn't belong to the best friend of her worst bully.
1. Chapter 1

**So nearly one year after I posted my first story, I'm now starting my second one.**

 **I'm really looking forward to writing it, because it is a lot different to the last one in my opinion. I don't want to spoil anything so I will shut up now and let you read it yourself.**

 **Please tell me what you think and if you want to read more of it :)**

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"Hey loser, you missed one!' Piper didn't need to look up to know who's boots it were, that kicked one of the books she was collecting from the floor, to the other end of the school hall. She jerked when the corner of the book hit hard against one of the lockers on the opposite side of the room.

Well, it seemed like she couldn't return that one to the library anymore now, and her brain was already counting the money she would had to pay for this book, as if it would matter.

'"Hey, jackass, move your fat ass! … Yeah, I know you heard me."

Piper knew this girl and she knew it was probably for the best to keep her head down and just do what the bully said. So she jumped up, hurrying to her damaged book and grabbed it from the floor. On her way she lost some of her notes, that slipped out of her sweaty hands, causing the group that had gathered around her to break into deafening laughter.

„Come on guys, waste of time!"

When they finally strolled down the hallways, chatting like nothing had happened, leaving Piper alone with her mess, she hurried to collect her notes, stuffing everything back into her locker, from where she had dropped everything earlier.

„Here" she turned around to look who had spoken to her, just to see an arm shooting past her face towards her locker to keep the messy stacked books from falling out again, after she had nearly dropped everything once more. Her heart nearly dropped to her knee pit.

„Thanks. I'm just a glumpsy mess today" she mumbled, and then she recognized the shy smile of this boy, who, she knew, was one class above her.

They stood there, the boy's arm still next to Piper's face, pressed against the lockerdoor and Piper staring at his cute smile. They kept staring at each other for a moment before the boy wagged one of her notes in his free hand in front of her face. „You missed them!" he smiled like the hero, that had just saved Gotham City.

Piper, still holding a few books in her arms tried to take the note without losing anymore of them, the shy boy tried everything to help her, but he had no spare hand, since he still tried to keep the lockerdoor closed. They danced around each other for an embarassing amount of time but finally managed to get everything back in Piper's locker and hit the door shut.

„You should better never open that door again!" the boy grinned.

Now they were standing in front of each other, not sure what to say. Piper averted her gaze, staring at the floor. She was ashamed that he had seen her being bullied and she wished he would just disappear somehow, but he stood there without any attempt to leave. A few more awkward seconds passed before he finally opened his mouth again.

„I'm Larry, by the way." his voice sounded so soft and nice that Piper just had to look at him again. He was smiling like he had no idea how embarassing the situation was.

„Piper" she answered selfconciously, but the boy, Larry, kept smiling like he already knew. He was cute and that made Piper nervous. She shifted from one foot to another, not sure of what to do or to say for the matter. The silence felt uncomfortable.

„Well, we maybe should be heading to class right now." Larry said, still smiling like there was no bad in the world. Just then Piper realized how long they must have been standing there and that the long school floors with the dirty yellow floor tiles and the ugly green lockers were nearly empty by now. A fact that made her feel even more uncomfortable.

She hated being late. Being late meant everybody else was already sitting at their tables. Being late meant having to explain oneself in front of the whole class. Being late meant everybody would watch her walking to her seat and Nichols or some girl of her gang would say something mean and everbody would laugh because Nichols' gang ruled the halls of this school and nobody wanted to get in their way. Being late meant no possibility of being invisible.

Now Piper got really nervous, feeling the urge to run. Not run to class but just run, as far away as possible, but she had to go to class, if she had been a little bit braver she would have skipped it but that wasn't her, Piper Chapman never skipped class, she had no idea how to do that.

So she mumbled a last thank you to the nice guy and hurried towards class, while Larry watched her walking away with a warm smile. 'Piper' he whispered, tasting her name on his tongue.

Piper hurried down the halls, her personal hell ever since she had started high school. Middle school hadn't been much better, but at least she had had a friend back then, but then Polly's dad got a new job and they moved out of town. Not so far that they couldn't see each other anymore but far enough for Polly to visit another high school. Now Piper was alone and even if she wasn't the fat little Piper from middle school anymore, her ordeal hadn't ended. She now spent her days trying to hide from the bullies of this world. This gruelsome world named high school.

She had now reached the classroomdoor, taking in a deep breath she tried to gather her bravery, brushed with her hands through her hair before making the decision to go in, even if it was no choice. She failed with the bravery part but knew she had to go in. She pulled her clothes in place, double checking that no skin of her belly were to be seen, her belly was still a big insecurity to her, although there really was no reason for it.

Opening the door, Piper felt her cheeks already blushing and felt all eyes on her.

Mr Healy, the old grey haired psychologyteacher, stopped with his lesson and stared at her, in his eyes layed disappointment and a layer of betrayal. His favourite student in the whole wide world just broke his first and most important rule. He hated latecomers even more than during class talkers, he considered it disrespectful and a personal insult against him.

He stared at her and waited for an explanation, even though no explanation in the world would have satisfied him, while Piper felt truly uncomfortable in front of the class, that had started whispering and giggleing. Piper damned herself in her head, she should have thought of an excuse before walking into class, but the whole morning had made her nervous and insecure. Now she had no idea how to explain her being late. She could hardly tell the whole class about what had happened. About this guy named Larry.

Mr Healy looked more furious about her remaining silent from second to second and her classmates were not trying to hide their amusement anymore. They were now openly laughing into her face while one of Nichols followers, the blonde one with the neck tattoo and the cornrows that followed Nichols every single step like a shadow, turned around to her shining example „Looks like fatty lost her voice now'"

It was one of the rather harmless insultings but it caused Piper to wince internally nevertheless. Tricia only earned a bored smile from her boss for that lame attempt and turned around again with a disappointed look.

Piper knew Tricia since middle school, well, knowing was too big of a word, they had never talked but Piper knew that she had been a victim of bullies herself, with her old clothes, that smelled like poverty from a three miles distance, and her junkie mother, who appeared on the schoolyard more than once, screaming, yelling, sometimes even begging for money. A fact that made it only worse and harder to understand how Tricia could have been able to change sides and join the bully faction so easily.

„Thank you, Miss Miller for this contribution of high quality." Mr Healy was unnerved by the interruption and the fact that it was Piper who was the cause of this didn't make it any better. "Sit down Miss Chapman." he grunted, an order that Piper followed as fast as possible, sliding onto her chair, trying to become invisible. The looks of the others still burnt on her skin like branding marks, hot and itching and uncomfortable.

Uncomfortable. If Piper had to discribe herself or her life with only one word, she wouldn't have to think about it for more than a second, the word would be uncomfortable. While her heartbeat calmed down very slowly, the blonde realized that her psychology book, which she had wanted to use to hide herself behind, was still lying on top of the bookstack behind her green lockerdoor, where she had placed it after collecting her stuff from the floor. This promised to be a long day.

When the lesson was finally over, Piper felt a kind of relieve for the first time that day. Healy had called her up a dozen times during lesson to punish her for being late, he had made it impossible for the shy girl to hide herself and all she wanted now was to grab her things and disappear into the prop room of the theatre club.

She loved the prop room. The couch between the rows of dusty costumes from middle age to batman costume and the extravagant props was her shelter ever since she had discovered it in her first month of high school. It was her save place, noone ever came there between the lessons and Piper needed this safety, at least for those minutes and right now she craved for the calm atmosphere and the familiar smell of mothballs and dust and the dull light that shined through the little round window under the roof.

„Miss Chapman'"

Piper whinced internally, hoping Mr. Healy would forget about her if she just carried her head low enough. A plan that was predestinated to fail.

„Miss Chapman, please come to my desk. You too." Healy nodded towards the back of the classroom where one of Nicky's gangmembers still sat with her feet on the table, the chair tilted backwards, chewing on her gum and rising her high eyebrows scornfully before she moved herself towards the front of the classroom as slowly and bored as possible.

Horror was rising in Piper's eyes. She didn't want to be alone in a room with one of the Nichols, she had made this mistake once and spent three hours locked in her sports locker afterwards.

'Miss Chapman!' Healy barked at her impatiently when Piper hadn't moved a bit yet. She slowly walked through the now empty classroom towards the front desk, followed by the eyes of the unnerved teacher and the smirking black haired student in boots and leather jacket. Standing next to this tall girl made her incredibly nervous and every fibre in her body was set on alarm, giving her the urge to run away.

Mr. Healy turned his gaze towards Piper, waiting before he started to speak, as if he wanted to intesify the tension on dramatic purpose.

„Miss Chapman, I've been told you've been taking part in the highly recommended tutoring programm in our local middle school." it was no question and Piper was too uncomfortable to say anything.

Her mother had forced her into this group back then because of how wonderful that volunteer work would look on her college applications.

„You're one of my best students" Healy went on with his hymn of praise, causing Piper to blush and the other girl to roll with her eyes, showing off how little she cared about Piper's achievements or about this situation in general.

„And since your grades are always remarkable and you are experienced in tutoring and Miss Vause here is struggling right now not to fail class'"

The raven haired girl took her glasses off her nose. Those were the kind of sexy librarian black rimmed glasses that could only been worn by this kind of _I don't care about what people say-_ people beacuse they knew they were trendsetter. She cleaned her classes with her worn out white shirt that was a tiny little bit see-through, showing off her black bra, before putting it on top of her head and crossing her arms in front of her chest, looking like she could not care less. Her badass attitude irritated Piper and so she needed a few moments to realize what Healy had just said while she had watched the girl beside her.

„Wait. What? No." Piper hurried to answer, causing Mr. Healy to blaze lividly at his favorite student who had disappointed him for the second time in one day. „Miss Chapman. Your attitude leaves a lot to be desired right now and I really don't think your behaviour is appropropriate for a future Harvard student. At Harvard they expect more from their students than good grades, I guess you are aware of that fact.'"

Blushing, partly because of her feeling ashamed about Healy's true words, but mostly because she hated being lectured like a dumb little child, Piper averted her gaze, she stared at her own feet, her jeansblue Chuck Taylors, waiting for the heat on her face to disappear. Healy looked at his student for a few seconds, considering her silence as a consent.

When noone said anything for a few more moments and the silence was starting to get awkwardly thick, Healy clapped in his hands and in this deafening tranquility it sounded like an explosion ripping apart every molecule floating through the air.

„Ladies" he barked right after it, when Piper's ears were still ringing „May I consider this problem as solved now? Miss Vause?" he gazed at her over the edge of his glasses, pressing his lips together like he always did. The girl just smirked at him, continuing her not having said anything for the whole conversation but it was enough for Healy to take that as a yes.

So he turned his attention towards Piper again. „Miss Chapman?" Piper didn't like how he said her name, it was too fatherly, too familiar, nearly intimidatingly so. But it was no use to fight this any longer, he had made it more than clear that he won't accept a no.

„Yes, Mr. Healy." She mumbled inferiorly, the words tasted like gall, then Healy finally sent them outside with only a wave of his hand.

Piper stumbled out, feeling the urge to run, hide herself, turn back time. It was hard to keep herself steady while feeling like her stomach turned upside down. She felt the presence of the other girl next to her like a black hole that was ready to suck her in and destroy her for good.

„So it's you and me, I guess." the other girl, that everbody referred to as Vause, said and Piper was sure it was the first time she ever heard her talking, because that voice she would have remembered for sure. It was a dark, raspy voice that promised mystery and misery. It would have been sexy if it didn't belonged to the best friend of her worst bully.

Piper felt more sick every second and hurried through the door to her right, kicking it open and disappearing in one of the bathroom stalls. "I'm Alex, by the way" she heard the raspy voice calling after her right before she started cramping and vomiting until her stomach was empty.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey, so this is chapter 2.**

 **I was really happy that so many of you already started following this story.**

 **Please, please, please also review as much as possible because I can only learn and improve my writing when I get reviews, either good or bad. So please tell me what you think, what you like and what you don't like, because it helps me getting better. Plus it's really motivating to read comments :)**

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The acid was burning in her throat like the disgusting hooch that Pol and her boyfriend had made in the winecellar of the Chapman's house last spring, while Piper had to keep watch and nearly died from fear of getting caught. She had taken only one sip of the terrible booze, choked at the taste and then watched the other two getting insanely drunk. Later that night she had held Pol's hair while she puked everything back out, crying and slurring how thankful she was and how much she loved Piper.

Now Piper sat all alone on the cold bathroom floor, holding up her own hair and trying to get rid of the sore feeling inside her throat by spitting and spitting into that white toiletbowl until her mouth was bone-dry and her knees ached from kneeling on the hard ground. She flushed the toilet for the fifth time before she finally found the strength to pick herself up again from the cold, skanky floor. Her hands were dusty from supporting herself and she didn't even want to think about all the shoes that walked over this floor in the days and weeks in which noone had made an effort to clean in there.

Wiping her hands on her pants, she trudged herself towards the row of sinks. Standing in front of the mirror she found herself looking exactly like she felt, she was pale as a corpse, her eyes all red and puffy when she hadn't even noticed that she had cried. Thank god that this Alex girl hadn't followed her into that bathroom, her situation was bad enough even without someone taking pictures that would propably be on facebook by now, completing all the humiliation that she had already experienced today.

When she was fed up with her own sight in the mirror, which was after a shockingly short amount of time, she started splashing cold water into her face until she felt like a decent human being again, not caring about the feeling of the water running down the front side of her shirt. Her limbs still hurt and her stomach started cramping again but there was nothing in it anymore that she could have forced out of her system, not that it would have helped against the panic that meandered through her chest like a blindworm, making it hard to breathe.

She resisted the urge to stick her finger down her throat, knowing how much the gall would disgust her while crawling up her gullet. And she could still taste the biterness. Whishing this day would finally end, Piper took her expensive rolex, that her father had given her for her last birthday to honor her discipline, out of her bag to check what time it was.

She always put that watch in her backpack after leaving home, too afraid of carrying it on her wrist around the schoolbullies. While Tricia had suffered from her poverty being a target of mocking in middleschool, Piper had the same problem the other way round. Her rich parents buying her all the expensive stuff somebody could wish for, made her a victim of sovereign contempt. Bullies didn't need any logic.

The clock-face told her that she had spent nearly the whole lunch break in this bathroom without anyone passing by, which might be the first lucky thing she had experienced in a long while. And of course noone had been looking for her whereabouts. She never spent the breaks anywhere at the typical places such as the cafeteria or the smoking area. It didn't matter to the others where exactly she hid herself as long as her rich fat ass wasn't wandering their territory.

Now the breaktime was nearly over and she had one last lesson for that day before she could finally walk home and lock herself in her room. The lesson was not as horrifying as the one before since she had been in time and most of the teachers knew to best leave her alone and not torture her by forcing her out of her invisible state. At the same time Piper had the feeling as if a certain pair of eyes burned holes into her back. But whenever she turned around to check, the blackhaired beauty was looking in a different direction, sometimes pretending to follow the lesson, sometimes staring in a little darkblue bound book that she had placed on her lap under the table, sometimes her eyes were even closed as if she was listening to an inaudible music of some kind, but never, not once, had she been looking in Piper's direction.

It was confusing and Piper just couldn't resist to check every five minutes. As a result she didn't get a single word of what was said in the lesson and all because of this Alex girl. The second the schoolbell rang, Piper threw all her stuff carelessly into her bag instead of putting one thing after another neatly into it. Normally she wasn't very keen to leave the room as one of the first, because it was not overly appealing to risk getting into Nichols' way at the door, instead of waiting until her classmates were all out and then leaving quietly and unseen, praying that she won't meet the leatherjackets in the hallways.

But today was a strange day and she just couldn't wait until she was out there, so she was already through the door when most of her classmates hadn't even moved yet and five minutes later while the rest of the people began strolling through the halls, Piper was already in her car. Her car was an old red Ford Escape with splintered paint, that she had bought used from a friend of his dad. Piper loved cars, a passion she had inherited from her father and her older brother Danny but ever since someone, and she knew exactly who, had scratched her black Mustang on the school parking area, she avoided driving her loved car to the school.

Turning her head to back out of the parking lot, she spotted Larry standing on the other side of the parking area, he was just saying goodbye to a friend when his eyes met hers over the trunk of her car. Piper turned her head fastly pretending to not have seen his brown eyes lighting up at the sight of her. She was not in the mood for another embarrasing talk today, it had already been more than enough humilitation by now. She was confused and feeling vulnerable and she knew she wouldn't survive another uncomfortable situation. She backed out of the lot and stepped on the gas, just wanting to get away from that building that was the embodiment of her personal hell. In her back mirror she could see an irritated Larry lifting his arms in confusion and his lips moved as if he was calling her name but she couldn't hear it anymore.

She turned on her radio skipping through the stations, her already watery eyes pinned steadily to the street. When she finally found a station with good rock music she turned the volume to max, deafening her ears and her heart. She craved for the speed of her Mustang as soon as she was on the street with her old ford, craved for the adrenaline kicking in, this rush that would show her that she's still alive. The bass started to vibrate in her heart, sending her brain into driving mode, just her, the car, the street and the music, making her feel her heart bumping blood through her veins in sync with the beat of the bass. It was nearly as good as racing her Mustang to the top speed.

Too soon she arrived in the broad suburbane lane between all those neat frontyards, where the birds were cheeping ridiculously happy, where the whole world seemed like a freaking 1950 detergent advertisement and where the people were as republican as Wyoming.

Their Mansion was one of the biggest at the very end of the lane, it was white and nearly sterile looking with neat and square curtains in the windows and perfectly lawn in the frontyard. It was all providing the Perfect Happy Family Image her mother cared so much about. It made Piper feel sick just looking at this phony lie. She parked her lemon in the garage next to the her black loved beauty, breathing in deeply before she turned the engine off and grabbed her bag from the passenger seat.

Passing by her Mustang extra slowly, she traced her fingers over the cool and smooth surface nearly tenderly, collecting the strength she needed to face her mother, the last person she wanted to see after a day like this. Putting her Rolex back on her wrist, she walked through the kitchen door where she knew the dragon would be waiting for her.

"Piper!" she wasn't even one step into the room, when her little brother ran towards her, wrapping his arms around her waist as if he hadn't seen her in days, but on the other hand, if Piper had to spend all day with her mother, she would probably react the same way to every other human being.

She patted her brother's head while looking at her mom who was sitting at the white, barely used looking kitchen island, absorbed in her exposés as always.

"Piper, Piper..." Cal tugged excitedly at her shirt, jumping up and down in front of her. The older sister signaled him to wait, what wasn't really effective, he kept on tugging. "Hey mom" her mother didn't even move her head for a single second to acknowledge her presence, she just shook her head, sighed and turned the page.

"Piiiiiiipeeeer" Cal whined, craving for Piper's attention until Carol bumped her fist on the kitchen counter, causing Cal to hide behind his sister's legs. "Piper, would you please calm your brother!' the unnerved voice cut through the air, making Piper growl inside, she couldn't believe her mother, well actually, sadly, she could. Piper just shook her head, it was the same shit like every other day since her mom had begun working again.

"Come Cal" she took her brother's hand, leading him towards the door to take him with her to her room. "Oh and Piper" her mother snapped when they were nearly at the door "You should make an appointment with Jacob to cut your hair, you look like a runaway." - „I wish I were" Piper whispered before closing the kitchen door behind her, she was close to crying, only the little boy clinging onto her hand stopped her from giving in to her feelings.

All his excitement was gone off him and his eyes were filled with big meaningful children sadness. Piper couldn't stand seeing this little guy like this so she grabbed him under his armpits lifting him onto her hip, tickleing his little cute belly while walking up the stairs to her room. The little boy tried to resist the giggleing but he was just too tickelish and so he broke into laughter trying to free himself from his sister's deathly grip.

"Piper I'm hungry" Cal was sitting on Piper's bed with his gameboy while she were trying to do her homework for the next day, which was quite difficult while a bubbly boy was in the same room as her, singing songs and babbleing all the time. "Cal, I'll cook as soon as mom is gone." she stated unnerved. "But I'm hungry now!" Cal yelled angrily at his older sister, throwing his fists onto her matress again and again until Piper turned around and yelled back "Stopp behaving like a five year old!" She was fuming inside, her mood was the worst, only when she saw the confusion in Cal's blue eyes she realized what she just had said. She had just told a five year old to not behave like a five year old. Sometimes she was afraid she'll become like her mother.

"Sorry baby!" she sighed stroking the soft blonde hair "but let's wait just half an hour please, OK? When that one is there" she showed him the face of her Rolex, explaining how long it would take "And then i'll make you your favourite" As answer Cal cuddled himself in under Piper's blanket, taking his gameboy back in his hands. She looked at him for a few second tenderly before she stood up, walking over to where he was lying, pressing her lips onto his forhead, taking in his scent but he wiggled a little with his head to see past his sister's head, blocking the view to his Gameboy "Piiiiiper, I can't seeeeeee!"

Just then Piper's phone, that was lying on her massive dark wooden table, blinked, showing a new textmessage. Supposing it was from Polly, she ignored it, she could answer it later. She pecked Cal another quick kiss before returning to her desk, trying to finally concentrate on her homework but it was impossible. Pictures were flashing in her head all of the time, Larry, Alex, Larry, Alex, Alex, Alex. They frightened her to no end, making her feel sick again. When her phone blinked a second time, she decided to read it, seemed like Pol wanted something important.

1 message

From: unknown

You know that your phone number is a fucking mystery at this school? Had to hack into the pricipal's pc ;) Can we start tomorrow ? -A

Piper's heart nearly skipped a beat. She had still hoped deep down that the other girl would bail on this study thing, this message made her nightmare become awfully real. She was afraid to read the second message that was also from an unknown number, but she had to.

2 message From: unknown

Hey Piper, this is Larry. Pete gave me your number. I hope this is OK. I wanted to ask if you wanna come to the Party with me this friday. XXX

For a second she didn't knew which message frightened her more. She felt the urge run away from herself, jump out of her skin and never go back. This was the worst day ever.


	3. Chapter 3

When her alarm ripped her out of an unsteady sleep, she felt like she had been hit by a bus. She felt the previous day still in her bones and in her rumbling stomach. After the texts she had felt so helpless and confused that she had had to get it out of her system once more and it had tasted like gall.

Afterwards she had shut her phone off and packed it into her backpack, shoving it down to the bottom, where she could hopefully forget about the damn thing. But it didn't work.

It didn't work while she had been in the kitchen, making Cal his promised favourite.

It didn't work while she was eating three times more chicken nuggets than usual, while Cal was blabbering about his day and a bug he had found in the garden, Danny always called it Piper's stress eating.

It didn't work when she was getting rid of all the calories afterwards.

It didn't work when Cal showed her the bug he had named Piper, his new pet.

All the time those texts were in her head.

They were in her head when she had tucked her brother in.

They were in her head every single time she had woken up that night.

They were there in the morning, making her feel miserable and weak.

Cal was lying next to her, all cuddled up with his stuffed blue dragon, that Piper had named Alfred when Cal was still a baby, the poor thing was already so raddled because Cal always dragged it around wherever he went, crawled or jumped. Alfred had been Cal's first toy, a welcome to earth present from his older siblings. Danny had already been 17 years old when Cal was born and babysitted his little sister while the parents were at the hospital. Piper had wanted to give her new little brother a welcome present so badly that Danny had finally given in and driven her to the mall where she had picked Alfred as the perfect toy and the way Cal loved this little dragon had proven her right.

She looked at the little boy in her bed for a few minutes, his presence calmed her down a little, giving her the feeling of having a home. It had become bad habbit lately for Cal crawling into her wide bed in the middle of the night when another nightmare had tortured him. Piper stroke the blonde hair, it was soft and fluffy like a little yellow babyduck's feathers and it still smelled like baby. This particular scent of newborns when you smelled their heads.

Before she could wake the little boy, she rised from her king size bed and put on her runner's shorts and a black top she took from her drawer. Piper had started running a year ago and she now was kind of addicted, whenever she ran, it felt like her toughts and worries were too slow to keep up with her, she was literally running from her problems and it was working as long as she didn't stopp. Her mind was empty and light until the second she slowed down at the sight of home and all her dark thoughts rolled over her like a truck and so sometimes, like today, when her mind was really overloaded, she just kept running until her body broke down.

Putting on her running shoes, she opened the door to the street, cold air hit her face and filled her lungs while she still kneeled on the black marmor floor tying her shoelaces. She took in a deep breath and stepped into the barely awake street, closing the door behind her. The sun hadn't rised yet and the birds were still asleep, Piper liked the street more in the early morning when it seemed darker, colder, truer.

Her feet on the asphalt and her own breath were the only noises that stirred the cold air. Soon she had found her rhythm and the steady beat of her shoes hitting the road made her deaf against the voices in her head. It was freeing, but it wasn't enough this time. Soon the words started to cloud her mind again.

'Can we start tomorrow? -A'

It sounded way too familiar for a conversation between to people who's most contact had been one watching the other getting bullied by her friends so far. Who did this girl think she was? Asuming that only an A would be enough to make sure Piper knew who she was. As if she didn't know that much people who would text her. Which she knew she didn't, but it was a totally different thing for somebody else to asume it.

Piper speeded up, trying to get back into her running numbness by making the muscles in her legs burn from exhaustion.

Did this Alex-girl really hack the principal's PC? Piper surely thought the leatherjacket-Nichols-gang-member was capable of such a level of criminal energy, along with robbery, drugdealing and other dreadful felony. Plus nearly nobody in school knew her phone number. Yes, it was a fucking mystery, because she wanted it to be, it was enough to be tortured all day in school, she wanted at least her cellphone to be a save place, a plan that surely was about to fail now.

Piper cursed internally, her lungs were burning like they were on fire, her legs felt sore and her heart was beating 100 miles per hour, but this Alex girl still fogged her mind and screwed up her magic bullet against sorrows.

For the last metres Piper quickened to the absolute maximum, causing her lungs to nearly explode when she reached the frontsteps of her home. Letting herself fall down on the frontporch, panting heavily, she watched the street wake up.

The birds started cheeping, when the first sunbeams gleamed over the edge of the world, coloring the horizon in light shades of pink. Piper took off her runningshoes and the sweaty socks, putting them neatly on the porch beside where she was sitting.

She stretched her legs towards the ground, feeling the grass with her burning feet, it was still damp from the night but it was cooling her down a bit and the blades of grass were tickleing her feet.

As much as Piper craved for speed sometimes, as much she wanted to press on pause in other moments, she wanted the world to slow down to a complete standstill. She tried to take in every detail of this moment, the cool grass beneath her feet, the peaceful absence of mankind, the silence that was just broken by a few baby birds crying for breakfast and telling each other their dreams of the night.

It all seemed so peaceful, hiding the fact how gruelsome of a place this world could be and the lie of it all broke Piper's heart, changing her mood from one second to the other. She took her shoes in her hand and pulled herself up from where she was sitting, whiping her damp feet on the doormat before she fumbled her key into the door. Entering the cold interior of the house, Piper sighed, all of her problems were still there, hiding behind the corners, behind the closed kitchen door, inside of her backpack, in her parent's bedroom.

The house was deadly silent, creating a lonesome athmosphere. Her dad was probably gone already, being the successfull lawyer he was, he barely was at home to see his wife and kids and in those past years he had even been staying overnight in his office sometimes, at least that was what he claimed. Well, Piper knew it better and she was sure her mother did too.

The cold marmor floor did the rest to cool down her heatened feet and she left wet footprints on the dark surface while making her way to the kitchen. It was still more than an hour before school started so she didn't have to hurry. She poured what little whine was left in the open bottle on the counter into the drain. That bottle hadn't even been open yesterday afternoon and now it was nearly empty, so Piper assumed her dad hadn't come home yesterday. Her mother's whineglass was standing in the drain and Piper decided to eliminate the evidence of her mother's loneliness, washing up the glass and putting it back into the massive glass cabinet.

Then she got a bowl out of the cupord, placing it on the table with a spoon and milk and cornflakes, before pouring water into a glass.

It was 15 Minutes later now and she was starting to freeze in her sweaty running clothes, she threw one last look at the kitchen, that was part of the biggest room in the house. The whole groundfloor consisted of only a hallway, a little bathroom and that one huge sterile looking room that contained a barely used but high tech and modern kitchen, a big table that could save plenty of guests and the living room part that took half of the floor space of the house, with white leather couches, a huge flat screen and the fireplace. One and a half of those 4 walls consisted of a floor to ceiling glass front, giving view to the neat garden.

Piper closed the door behind her, taking the steps that led from the hallway to the first floor where her bedroom was. Cal was still asleep in her bed, Alfred in his little arms. Without waking him up, she slipped into her own bathroom, stripping off her clothes and turned on the hot shower.

It was tuesday and the week had already been more confusing than every other one in her life. She never had been invited to a party by anyone else than Polly or Pete. And now she had an invitation of a cute boy to a party that was only three days from now and it scared the shit out of her. She knew she wouldn't go, the Nichols would be there like on every other party in town and she wasn't stupid enough to let Larry watch them torture her when she could avoid it.

Plus, she didn't want to admit but she was still scared it was just a joke. A gruelsome trick to mock her, that if she said yes he would answer 'Well, I'm not going with you fatass, so deal!'.

Piper turned off the shower, the steam fogged the bathroom so she barely could see from the shower to the door. She hurried to put her clothes on, nearly choking on the damp, hot air.

She had no idea how to say no to this Larry guy surely she would stummer around and her face would turn red in embarrassement, but that was still the second scariest thing for today.

Forbidding her brain to think any further, Piper left the bathroom, tiptoeing towards Cal's room that lay across the hallway. The child's room was a big contrast to the neat, sterile rest of the huge, cold house. Instead of the white empty walls that dominanted the other rooms, Cal's walls were plastered with drawings of dogs, bugs, ducks, santa clauses and Cals and Pipers and Alfreds. The carpet was covered with toy cars, crayons and lego bricks. It was a labyrinth of childhood that made it hard to even walk through the room. How Cal was able to cross the room in the dark to sneak into Piper's bed without breaking both legs would always remain a mystery to his big sister.

After collecting some neat clothes for her little brother she went back to her room where the little boy was still asleep, he lay there sprawled out in the huge bed and his little naked feet were looking out from under the blanket. Piper walked towards him, stroking his little head to wake him up.

"Hey baby. Rise and shine!" she whispered when he grunted in disapproval. "Cal" she kissed him on the forehead "time to wake up".

The little boy blinked a few times and slung his arms around his sister's neck letting her lift him out of the bed - but before he could fall asleep on her arm again, Piper put him down on the ground, helping the sleepy boy to dress himself.

While Cal sat at the table, munching his cornflakes, Piper got a headache pill from the drawer, putting it on a tray with the glass of water, carrying in to the second floor. She knocked on her parent's bedroom door before entering. Crossing the room, she placed the tray on the nightstand.

"Mum?" her mother grunted just like her son had done before "Mum, I gotta go to school!".

The room was darkened by weighty curtains and a smell of alcohol hung in the air.

Ripping the curtains open angrily, Piper forced her hungover mother to wake up. The compassion she had had with her mother years ago had turned into anger and frustration as she had to watch her little brother grow up with a selfish mother who burried herself in work and selfpity. And so she ignored the grunting of her mother, raising her voice "Mum! I gotta go and somebody has to watch Cal."

Carol rubbed her eyes, groaning from her headache, she grabbed for the heachache pill on her nightstand, being used to the habits of her caring daughter.

"Mum! Get up!" Piper yelled, it was unbelievable how this person could be so non functioning while being so successfull in her job.

When her mother slowly moved herself out of her bed Piper left the room again, collecting her backpack on her way down. "Cal, I gotta go, I see you in the afternoon, be a good boy!" she pecked a kiss on his forehead and rushed to her car.

* * *

 **Hey guys, thanks a lot for your reviews.**

 **I know I'm starting this off a bit slowly, but I think it's always good to introduce the character to the reader and to illuminate their whole life to make it a more realistic person :) please tell me what you think about that.**

 **Of course you all want to see some more Piper-Alex-interaction and I promise you'll get it. Just be patient ;)**

 **Please keep the reviews coming, tell me what you like, tell me where I have to improve myself and tell me what you think is shitty :)**


	4. Chapter 4

Piper raced her car to school, she had been tempted to take the Mustang, but her fear had been bigger than the urge for speed.

She parked the Ford carelessly into the parking spot in front of the schoolyard, grabbing her backpack that lay on the passengers seat and ran towards the grey run-down school building. She didn't want to be late again at all costs.

Luckily there was no need to pass her locker to get her school books, since she would probably never open that thing again, not unless she wanted her life to end miserably under a pile of books, crushed by printed knowledge.

She slipped through the door right before the teacher entered the classroom. Letting her fall on her chair, Piper praised the fitness all the running had given her, she hadn't even broken out in a sweat. But just the second before she could exhale in the relieve that she hadn't been late, she saw the words somebody had smeared across her table with a pencil.

'2nd floor bathroom after lesson. -A' It said. It sounded mysterious but frightening and, worst thing, it left her no room to say no, and saying no was something she desperately craved for.

The words rung in her head, spoken by a low raspy voice, whispering them into her ear in a sexy, seducing manner and Piper really asked herself what was wrong with her.

This question kept her busy for the rest of the lesson so when the schoolbell made it's usual annoying sound, she barely noticed it. She hadn't get anything the teacher had said, like so often these last days, bye bye Harvard, bye bye future.

'2nd floor bathroom after lesson. -A' Should she really go there? What if the other Nichols were waiting for her as well and Alex was just the baitfish? But she knew she had no choice, Healy was on her tail and if her concentration while lessons wasn't about to get better than the last days, she would need the extra credit for her applications more than ever.

She was leaving the class room as the last student again, carrying her head low like a sheep going to the slaughter, she crossed the school halls. And she became awfully aware of her mysery life.

Every day was the same, every day from the start again, a endless circle. She hid herself as carefully as possible from all the gruelsome idiots who where making her a victim of her own fears, she locked herself away everyday for the little safety she got for it, it was barely living anymore but Piper was already living in a future in which everything was better and easier, because there were no bullies at College, in her dreams.

And now, after all this, she was voluntarily surrendering herself to the bully. Her heart was pumping the blood through her veins like she was running again, fight or flight, her nerves were so tightened that when someone grabbed her wrist on the stairs to second floor, she was close to screaming, her free arm scooped up in selfdefense protecting her face from what might come. Then she saw the pair of warm brown eyes looking at her combined with the nicest smile you could imagine.

"Sorry Piper" the way he said her name soothed her, there was so much sympathy in his voice "I didn't mean to scare you!" he let go of her hand and Piper immediately felt the cold at her skin where his soft warm touch had just left her. They stood in front of each other like the other day and just when Piper thought she couldn't feel any less comfortable, Larry said "You didn't answer my text yesterday!" just like that. There was no blame in the way he said it but Piper suddenly felt bad about it, he had probably been waiting for a text back all evening while she was busy ignoring him and thinking about Alex.

On the other hand she couldn't really believe that it mattered so much to him if she came or not.

After a short silence, Piper still hadn't said a word, Larry took her hand again. It took Piper aback at first, but at the same time it felt strangely familiar for the fact they only had ever talked once and she allowed herself to savour it instead of suspecting harm. His hand felt warm and dry and his thumb was stroking the back of her hand, nearly imperceptible.

"So you're coming?" his voice sounded honestly hopeful and his eyes pierced her's like he wanted to hypnotize her.

"Coming?" Piper asked stupidly, totally confused by his eyes.

"The party!" Larry stated the obvious "You got my text, didn't you?" now Larry seemed as confused as Piper was. - The text, the party - .

Suddenly Piper realized what she had forgotten for a few heavenly seconds. They were standing in the crowded schoolhalls, where everybody was able to see them and she wasn't Scarlett Johansson who just got invited to her 250th party this year, she was Piper Chapman and she couldn't just go to a party like the cool kids.

Plus she should be in the bathroom by now. She pulled her hand back from his and the light in his eyes immediatly disappeared, replaced by a look of disappointment. "Ehm. I can't!" she stated, her eyes pinned on her shoes, she couldn't stand seeing the sad look in his eyes. "I'm sorry. I have to babysit my little brother" this excuse just had flashed through her mind and she clinged onto it like on a liferaft. It wasn't even 100% a lie. She actually babysitted Cal on most fridays while her mother was out drinking and her dad was 'working'. But it wouldn't have been a problem to pay a babysitter for the night.

"Oh you have a little brother?" Larry's voice sounded a bit too happy to be honest, but when Piper looked up, his eyes were warm again and he actually smiled at her.

"Yeah" Piper smiled back "Cal. He's five!"

"Cool!" Larry said and it seemed like he really meant it "So another time maybe?" Piper nodded.

It was already 10 minutes since lesson had ended and the next one would start in another 10. Piper hurried up the stairs towards the womens bathroom that was barely ever used by anyone. As soon as she stood in front of the door she remembered how scared she was, not only because of Alex but because she feared the presence of the rest of the Nichols'.

For a second she considered leaving again, ignoring the problem until it disappeared by itself. But the door was like magnetical or maybe it was what was behind the door. She really contested her senses before walking through the door. Her heart beat in her throat from fear and she felt just a little relieve when she saw that in the bathroom was only one person.

The dark haired girl stood there, facing the row of mirrors, the whole room smelled of the cigarette she had between her thumb and index finger and which she pressed into the white porcellan of the sink in front of her the second Piper entered the room. Then she turned around, in her green eyes lay anger. Piper had never realized how beautiful those eyes were, even when piercing her's like that.

"You're late" other than Larry's, Alex's voice was full of blame. Piper noticed that she compared Alex to Larry again and she didn't understand why, Larry confused her to no end, but ok he was a boy who showed interest in her, she thought it was normal enough to be confused by that. But Alex... Alex was confusing her even more, and she was a girl. She wasn't used to be confused by a girl, intimidated yes, frightened also hurt but confused? While her brain was trying to work this out she had been silent and Alex's expression had changed from being pissed to being really angry.

"You're playing hard to get or what?" Alex's voice cut through the air like a sharp knife.

"What? No!" Piper couldn't believe what Alex just said, she and playing games, that was just absurd, she always had been grateful for every person who didn't treat her like shit. But the look in Alex's eyes told her that she didn't believe a word she said, she stood there with her arms crossed, glancing at her and for a second Piper felt overwhelmed by the feeling that this girl may care for her.

But Alex shook her head angrily "First you let me stand in the hallway, then you don't answer my text and now you let me wait for you like an idiot?" Piper hadn't been realizing that maybe Alex could see it this way. "Fuck it!" The tall girl groaned "If you think you're too good for this, I'll find someone else!" she rushed past Piper, hitting her shoulder hard with her's on her way to the door. But Piper grabbed the girl's wrist right before she could leave, a flash shooting through her body at the touch, it didn't feel warm and familiar like with Larry earlier, it rather felt like electricity shocking her nerves and she pulled her hand back as if she had burned herself.

She really should stop comparing them, she thought.

Alex had turned around at the touch and was facing her now, standing way too close. Piper looked away, staring at the dirty floor. But Alex was waiting for an explanation and Piper just couldn't let her go like this, she would never admit it but Healy and her college applications weren't the only reasons.

"I'm sorry ok. I'll do it!" she rather whispered than said, but Alex stayed and Piper knew that she had heard her. Now they stood in front of each other and Piper forbid herself to compare anything to anything else.

When the schoolbell rang in the next lesson they still stood there, the open door still in Alex's hand. When the first students passed them, Alex seemed to got nervous and with a low voice, so only Piper could hear, she said towards the bathroom floor "Here after school?" She didn't wait for Piper to answer and disappeared in the fraction of a second, letting the door fall close behind her.

Piper stood there in the empty bathroom with the strong feeling of sickness. Alex didn't want to be seen with her, that's why they had to meet in this abandonded room instead of in the schoolhalls, that's why Alex seemed so nervous when people started passing them, she was ashamed to take tutoring from the most hated girl at school.

It hurt Piper, she just realized now how much she had hoped Alex would be different than the others, but at the same time she understood her. She would probably fear the same thing if she were in Alex's position. Destroying one's reputation for a little private coaching just wasn't worth it.

The grumble of her stomach woke her up from her thoughts, she hadn't eaten since the chicken nuggets the day before and those she hadn't kept in for long. She thanked god that she had a free hour now, she wouldn't have survived another hour with Alex sitting behind her, staring holes into her neck while she failed trying to stay focused on the lesson.

She spent her free time in the prop room with an apple, orangejuice and her thoughts circleing around the events of the day. She still felt Larry's warm hand in her's, his thumb stroking her and she really tried to stay focused on that feeling but then the elektroshock she had felt while touching Alex struck her mind again.

* * *

This time Alex let Piper wait in that grubby bathroom, 10 minutes after the last lesson she was still alone there and reading the inspiring messages the walls were plastered with. She had just reached 'Here I sit and hestitate, shall I shit or masturbate' at the inner side of an open bathroom stall when the door opened and Alex slipped in with an apologizing look on her face. "I'm sorry" she said with that voice that made Piper forget to breathe "Can we start?" Alex sounded light-hearted and the anger from earlier was gone completely.

"In here?" Piper asked rather doubtfully causing Alex to look around in the dusty grubby room as if she was a hotel critic checking out the newest object then she started laughing. It was the first time Piper had heard her laugh and her heart skipped a beat. Alex seemed so harmless and likeable when she was laughing and so different from when she was with her gang.

"Do" Piper pulled herself together "do you know another place?" she really didn't want to have Alex at her home. Even this different Alex was too dangerous to give any munition to her.

"Yeah. I know something" She left the bathroom and Piper followed her silently while they were taking the stairs to the first floor again. It was four o' clock and the schoolhalls were nearly empty, just a few chess club nerds were hanging around, waiting for the club to begin. Piper had called her mother in her free hour telling her about the tutoring and that she'll be late today so Carol could find a babysitter for Cal. When Alex turned left behind the last row of lockers on the very end of first floor Piper caught her breath and she started to have a dark premonition where Alex was leading her.

* * *

 **I'm sorry, I know I'm a super slow writer but I'm really doing my best.**

 **Please let me know what you think :)**

 **By the way it's incredible how you always have the feeling of having written a lot and then you see it on the screen and it's like ... 5 words :D Do you know that feeling ? :)**


	5. Chapter 5

Alex crossed the dark space that followed the short hallway behind the row of scrawled over lockers and Piper was 100% sure that she would head towards the door on the left wall that you could barely see cross the windowless hall. Alex was feeling her way along the wall until she reached that exact door Piper had thought about.

Alex opened the door for Piper and closed it behind herself again, they were now standing incredibly close to each other, because the space behind this door was pretty small, Piper could feel her heart beat in her chest and she was sure Alex must be able to feel it, too. She felt Alex feeling for the lightswitch at the wall she was standing in front of and her hand brushed Piper's arm, sending a new wave of elektroshock up her spine.

When the light flickered and the flashes were illuminating the two of them, Alex was already climbing across the one and a half metre tall board wall that was seperating them from the wooden stairs that led to the attic. The light finally decided to stay on and Piper followed Alex on the familiar path, she pulled herself up on the wall and swung her legs over it before jumping down again on the other side.

"It is some kind of safeplace" Alex said, hands in her pockets and shoulders pulled towards her ears, when they had reached the upper end of the long stairs that led from first floor right to the attic

"I often come here after school when I don't wanna go home" Alex let herself fall on the couch of the prop room, the same couch Piper had been sitting on only hours ago.

Piper felt like she couldn't breathe. Seeing her shelter being intruded by another person, especially a person who scared her to no end, made her knees weak and she couldn't believe that all this time while she had thought she had a safeplace it had only been a coincidence that she had never met her nemesis there.

All of a sudden she didn't feel safe anymore and she got a familiar urge to run.

"You ok?" Alex lay across the couch, her crossed legs hanging down from the one armrest and her ellbows pressed against the other. Piper had never realized how tall Alex was. But at the same time Alex looked kind of cute, swinging her legs to and fro and smiling at Piper like this. Her smile made Piper's knees only weaker.

"Hello?" Alex snapped her fingers a few times until Piper woke up off her frozen state.

"Ehm. What?" Piper asked, feeling dumb and embarrassed. "You got epilepsy or so?" Alex smirked at Piper's blushing face. Piper was ashamed being seen in her counfusion and it showed.

"Cute" Alex stated not stopping with that intriguing smirk.

Piper thought her face would melt from the heat of her blood, she got even redder, if that was possible. She sat down on the dusty chair that was facing her new student who still followed every move she made with her green eyes. Piper closed her blue one's for a second, trying to regain her composure again.

That was her student, they were here for tutoring and she would survive this. Though it wasn't only fear anymore that got her heart beating that fast, not that she would admit that.

"So with what should we start?" her voice sounded calmer than expected and that gave her the courage to open her eyes again. Alex who hadn't moved the slightest bit, shrugged her shoulders. The dim light playing with her dark hair like a glow in the dark. Piper averted her gaze.

"Ok ... Ehm ...What is your worst topic?" For a second Alex stared at her in confusion, then she bent her head backwards breaking out in a full hearted laughter that sounded just like her raspy voice and it took Piper aback for a second.

"What?"

"Better ask what's my best. We're sooner done with that!" Alex was still laughing and now also Piper had to grin.

"Then what's your best?"

"None!" Alex said, suddenly with a deadly serious tone, but still smirking. "Oh, don't act so shocked" she gazed playfully evil at her tutor when she saw her eyebrows scooping up. But on her lips still lay a layer of a smile.

"How about we start with history? We got a test next week, we could study for that" Piper suggested "What did you get on the last one?"

"An E -." Alex stated rather bored "You really wanna go to Harvard?" Her eyebrows were now contracted in doubt as if she could not imagine how somebody could possibly want to go to college. With that she got Piper by surprise.

"What?"

"Do you really wanna go to Harvard?" Alex repeated as if it was the most normal question on earth. Piper shook her head. "Why do you wanna know?"

But Alex just shrugged her shoulders again.

They were silent for a moment, each of them indulged in thought. A part of Piper wanted to talk to Alex jauntily, normally, like they had a chance of becoming friends but deep down there was the broken Piper that didn't trust anyone and talking about her dreams seemed like suicide to the broken Piper. Especially since she knew nothing about her opponent.

"Tell me something about you!" It cost Piper all her courage to ask her that, afraid that Alex might get angry for her answering with a counterquestion but Alex looked at her with penetrating eyes, as if she was trying to read her mind, to find out who that blonde girl with those blue eyes was.

Alex pulled her knees up from their dangling position and pressed her feet against the armrest instead, she lay on her back and now stared at the ceiling. Then she started talking in a monotonous voice as is she was reciting a grocery list.

"I'm Alex. I'm 17. I'm bad in school. I'm a smoker. What else?" she had been tapping her middle finger against her knee with every fact she had mentioned, now she was crossing her arms under her head, letting one of her extra long legs dangle from the couch again.

She was beautiful how she lay there and Piper was confused by her own mind. Why did she even care about the looks of that girl? She needed to distract herself. She pulled her knees under her chin and slung her arms around them like a shield, protecting her body.

"Tell me something I don't know" Piper tilted her head, placing her cheek on her knees „Anything!"

Alex head turned around and her smile was naughty. "You're cute" she smirked, watching Piper's face turn into a tomato again and started to laugh out loud.

"Real cute!" she said, referring to Piper's red face. The smirk on her face was now combined with her flirting eyes. „And you definitley don't know that!"

"Ha ha!" Piper's face was hot like a flat iron, but not only from embarrassement, she shockingly noticed that she also felt a little flattered, noone had ever called her cute.

"Should we start?" Piper tried to change the subject and bring it back to the reason why they were actually there. Alex looked a bit disappointed, her smile disapperaed for a second before beaming up again.

"Nope" she stood up from the brown couch and picked up her black backpack from the floor where she had carelessly left it earlier that afternoon. She swung it over her right shoulder, looking in Piper's confused and angry face.

Piper was starting to get pissed, first this girl wanted someone to teach her so badly and then she tried to chicken out, wasting her time. Putting her arms up in surrender, Alex smirked at her blonde tutor again.

"Hey, chill! We'll study for that stupid test!" she let her arms sink again, pushing her hands into her backpockets. "Just not today, ok? I gotta go. Working."

"What do you do? Sell drugs?"

Alex laughed "Yeah totally. For an international drug kartell!"

Piper wasn't quite sure if that was a joke but Alex's warm smile let her forget about that again. "Tomorrow? Same time, same place?" the tall darkhaired girl suggested and Piper nodded, returning the warm smile.

She watched Alex walk down the stairs and her heart jumped when the raven haired girl turned her head right before she was out of sight and those green eyes met her's. Then the door fell close and Piper sat there more confused than ever.

She had spent the last months hating this girl without knowing her she had wished alle Nichols' members pain and failure, had wished for them to disappear and now after a single hour she was actually looking forward to the next day, to see Alex again.

She tried to deny it. She tried to tell herself that the weird feeling in her stomach was the after effect of her talk with Larry that morning and she tried to focus on the feeling of holding his hand again, tried to remind herself of his touch, but her brain kept producing pictures of Alex's hand, and not only pictures. She could literally feel Alex's skin under her hands.

Piper stood up, something was really deeply disturbingly wrong with her. But she didn't want to think about that any further, she grabbed her bag and hurried down the stairs and climbed over the wooden wall. For a second she got scared that Alex might have locked her in, and in the second she grabbed the doorhandle she didn't knew what would be worse, spending the rest of the day locked in the prop room or the pain of this betrayal.

She pushed the handle down and opened the door.

* * *

When Piper parked her car in the garage, she didn't even bother to go in and say hi. She just took her key, opened her Mustang and slid into the driver's seat. The smooth, cool leather smelled like strength and power, like the whole interior of her car.

Whenever she sat in there, touching the wheel, the gear stick and turning her key in the original car from 1964, she didn't feel small anymore, she didn't feel meaningless. She revved the engine and considered opening the convertible hood for a second but then she decided against it, she just wanted to drive.

When she reached the highway, she shifted to the fith gear. The satisfying sound of the V8 engine rang in her ears and she didn't need to turn on the radio because it was music in her ears already. It was still an hour to rush hour and Piper decided to use that. When her car reached the top speed she felt the adrenalin kicking in.

The world around her got blurred, a mix of trees and cars. The only very clear things were she herself, her loved car and the street in front of her. She stayed in the left lane passing all the early after work drivers. Never were her senses so heightened as when she was driving and everything else got background, like a blinde who got more sensible to the sounds of the world around him.

She felt alive and free. She was someone else in that car, someone less vulnerable, someone less assailable. She became more of the person she wanted to be.

And finally seeing clear she could finally admit that she kind of liked Alex, and she liked to think there was nothing bad about that. Of course she knew she had to be careful and not trust anybody, but maybe, just maybe this studying thing could actually be a chance. When her mind had made the decision to be hopeful, it was already six and she headed home. Leaving the highway, she slowed down and her invincibility fell off her like a too big cloak.

But the spark of hope in her, that spark remained where it was.

* * *

 **So this is chapter 5 and we're getting to a little more Vauseman now. Yay :)**

 **Please review, tell me what you think, tell me what you like and what you don't. Also tell me if you think I'm moving too fast!**


	6. Chapter 6

„Hope is a dangerous thing to live with, Piper, it can be your best friend until it turns on you, rips out your heart and leaves you bleeding on the floor."

That was the last sentence that Piper had ever heard from the only other friend she ever had had next to Polly. They had been fourteen the last time she had seen her and it was one of her most precious but devastating memories.

She hadn't thought about Rory in months, had pushed the thoughts to the very back of her head, what hadn't been too hard, considering all the devastating new memories high school created for her every day. But as soon as she lay in bed that evening, Rory's words came to her mind and with them their whole story.

Hope is a dangerous thing to live with, Piper.

They had been lying in bed all morning, it was the first day of summer and the smell of holidays and free time had them silent and reverent.

Facing each other, their knees touching under the light blanket, they had been talking for hours, about their plans for the summer, about the lakes they wanted to visit, about the tours they wanted to do. They had talked and talked until their mouths were dry and they were running out of topics, then they just lay there in silence, enjoying the sun, that shined through Piper's bedroom windows and the fact that they didn't have to go to school.

Rory had her eyes closed, her brown shiny hair shimmered in the morning sunlight and Piper couldn't take her eyes off her. She always had admired and envied her friend, ever since kindergarden, she honestly thought that Rory was the most beautiful person in the world and in that very second she looked the most beautiful she had ever looked.

Piper took a flick of those hair between her fingers, playing with them until Rory opened her green eyes and looked right into Piper's heart. And silly fourteen year old Piper did the most stupid thing in her life, out of a impulse she bend her head forward, pressing her lips onto Rory's.

She felt the soft skin, that was warmer than the sunlight and it radiated through her whole body like a hot shower in cold winter.

Rory had opened her lips slightly, leaning in, bringing her body closer to her best friend, and for a second Piper's world stood still, she felt like the earth had lost it's gravity and all the clocks had stopped ticking.

And then, as if the clocks had to catch up the lost time, everything happened so fast, with a look of fright Rory pulled back and the gravity pulled harder on Piper than ever before.

They hadn't spoken for a whole week afterwards until Rory suddenly stood in front of Piper's door again and everything was like that one kiss never happened.

Well, at least they pretended like this one kiss never happened.

It took exactly 9 days for Rory to become the normal Rory again, joking around, being all bubbly and looking at Piper with her intriguing green eyes. And it took exactly 9 seconds for Piper to fall for her even deeper.

Piper was not gay, she repeated that line every night before going to sleep, but every day when the summersun shined through those amazing hair she couldn't think of anything else but the feel of Rory's soft lips. And every time Rory took her hand and smiled her beautiful smile that was only meant for Piper, it was like a shock through her whole body, that got her awake for the whole night.

Hope is a dangerous thing to live with, Piper.

And then there was this afternoon, Piper had watched Rory all day, had watched her swimming, had watched her reading, had watched her while she was laying on her back, eyes closed and the sun in her face and all the time she had just wanted to kiss her.

The whole way home Piper hadn't been able to concentrate on a single one of Rory's bubbly stories, instead she had been all focused on Rory's hand, dangling right next to her's, touching her's now and then.

After dinner with her family it had rang on the door and Piper had opened to find Rory standing outside in the rain that had started as if it wanted to emphasize the whole moment of Piper's devastation.

Piper knew the second she saw Rory's face.

Sitting on her bed, knees pulled under her chin, hugging herself to prevent falling apart, she had watched her best friend walk up and down in her room.

„Pipes" Rory started and her voice was close to crying, she was so different from the girl Piper knew so well and when she sat down on the bed facing Piper, the waterdrops that fell out of her hair couldn't really hide the tears that rolled down her face.

„We can't be friends anymore!" Rory whispered, breaking Piper's heart into a million pieces.

„But I love you" Piper whispered, saying what had been in her teenage head for weeks and Rory nodded, because she knew. „You're my best friend!" Piper was desperate.

„I'm not gay. I can't be!" Rory had still been crying but she had tried hard to gain back her composure.

„I'm not gay either!" Piper's face was covered in tears now and the pain inside her heart got nearly unbearable „I'm sorry I kissed you!" she grabbed Rory's hand „Please stay!"

But Rory pulled her hand away slowly „I can't, Piper" she said under tears.

„But I love you" Piper cried once more, as if only that would be enough.

„What do you expect from me Piper? Being gay is a sin! It's against god!" Rory's parents had never made it a secret how little they thought of Piper's non-religious family, but Rory had never cared about that, so this excuse hit Piper only harder.

„I'm not gay!" Piper cried out once more „Why can't we just be friends? Please!"

Rory was fighting back her tears.

„I can't be friends with you anymore Piper!" she whispered, not able to look her in the eye.

„But we've been through everything together! I've hoped that we could survive a kiss!"

„Hope is a dangerous thing to live with, Piper, it can be your best friend until it turns on you, rips out your heart and leaves you bleeding on the floor."

And that was it, Piper hadn't seen Rory again, she hadn't come back to school afer summer, instead Piper had heard that her parents had sent her to a boarding school.

Piper had never felt more alone as in the time after that and it had took her a year until she was able to spend a day without crying about her best friend.

Piper wasn't gay. That was what she had always told herself.

She never had had feelings for another girl than Rory, to be specific, she had never had feelings for anyone other that Rory, boy or girl!

But now there was this dangerous spark of hope in her heart and a even more dangerous spark of desire.

She had spent just one hour with Alex but even before that she had felt that something awful would happen to her. And here she was with those awful feelings. She had lied when she had said she had never been confused by a girl. There was a girl who confused her more than every boy could ever do. Herself.

That night Piper cried herself to sleep, she cried over herself, over Rory, over their friendship and over her whole miserable life.

Only when Cal snuggled in, she was finally able to find some sleep.

* * *

The next day school was a disaster, she had to try so hard not to fall asleep during lessons and while the rare occassions she was awake enough for her brain to be working, all her thoughts kept revolving around Rory.

It had been three years and now it all felt like yesterday.

The only good thing this day was that Alex wasn't there to stare wholes into her neck. She was probably skipping school but Piper really hoped she was sick. Of course it was bad wishing someone else to be sick but Piper felt so vulnerable right now that she wasn't sure if she could survive seeing her today.

On the other hand, Piper liked to believe that maybe Alex would have intervened, as Nichols had pushed her against her own locker in the break, pressing her face into the cold metall until Piper had fumbled two 20 dollar notes out of her pocket, giving it to her.

Her nose had been bleeding into the toilet boil, while she was sticking her finger down her throat to get rid of the humiliated feeling inside her chest.

Her whole body felt like somebody had ripped her skin off and cut deeply into her flesh. Her whole body consisted of pain.

The last lesson she spent crying in her car, for the first time she had skipped class but right now she couldn't care any less.

She still sat in her red Ford Escape, when the school was already over, she just couldn't bring herself to drive home, she couldn't face her mother today.

She would stay in her car for the rest of her life and wait for death.

Just when she had made this life changing decision, her phone made the awful sound of reality and what was left of her heart crumbled into a billion pieces in the size of atoms.

She looked on her phone as if it was her death sentence and was disappointed that it wasn't.

From: Alex

Where are you? Letting me wait again?

Her death sentence would have been less gruelsome. At least it would have set an end to her misery.

Like the last time she considered leaving again, running of, but she had no idea where she should run to.

At home was her mother and the ghost of Rory in every corner of the house.

So maybe Alex was the lesser evil.

She typed an answer into her phone, before locking her car and hurrying towards the prop room, while her inner self was trying to run in the opposite direction.

When she climbed over the wall board she already heard Alex walking up and down, and the picture of Rory walking to and fro in her room flashed her mind, she pushed it away and attempted a smile as a hello.

„Hi!" Alex smiled back at her while keeping to look through the row of costumes hanging on the clothes rail.

„I thought you were sick!" Piper let herself sink on the couch, pulling her knees under her chin. She watched Alex trace her fingers over a dark heavy velvet-dress.

„Nah. Just was not in the mood for school!" Alex said casually.

„I get that!" Piper mumbled, not taking her eyes off the dark haired girl. It looked nearly tenderly how Alex let the fabric run through her fingers and when she beamed a smile towards the blonde girl, Piper felt something like warmth inside for the first time that day.

„So. History?" Piper asked, pulling the book out of her bag „Should we start?"

Alex smiled again and nodded towards Piper, going on looking through the dresses and costumes.

„What's the topic? Second world war?"

Piper nodded back at Alex, she actually felt better since she was up there in the familiar surrounding, together with Alex.

She opened the book as Alex took the velvet-dress of the hook and disappeared behind the row of clothes.

„What are you doing?"

„Just start the lesson, I'm totally listening! Ask me anything" Alex muffled voice came from the back of the room.

Piper couldn't help herself she just had to laugh at Alex's challenging tone.

„Ok! So second World War, when did it start?"

„September 1939" Alex voice was still huffed, as she were rustling around with the dress.

„And the end?"

„Germany officially capitulated at the eighth of May in 1945. Hitler had killed himself at the 30th of April and his successor killed himself a day later. The last troops in Berlin capitulated second of May after the troops of the Allies had freed Paris in 1944 and had invaded Germany by crossing the Rhine in March 1945. How do I look?" Alex appeared from behind the clothes rail again, wearing the red velvet-dress, that fit her like it had been made for her.

Piper sat there opened mouthed. She knew how dumb she must look right know but she just couldn't help herself. She didn't know what shocked her more: Alex's knowledge about second world war or her stunning look in that dress.

„So bad?" Alex's eyes were insecure and Piper couldn't help but notice how cute that was.

She circled her finger in the air signaling Alex to turn around and to her surprise Alex actually did so.

It looked stunning how the dress swirled around Alex long legs as she circled around on her black white striped socks. Piper couldn't help laughing, and it was like medicine to her soul.

„Gorgeous!" she laughed „Especially if you wear your combat boots to it!"

Alex showed her her middle finger and disappeared again.

„Who were the Allies?" Piper were still grinning from ear to ear, a feeling she had nearly forgotten about.

„Oh come on, seriously? UK, USA, USSR, France, though they only joined in 1944, and China. At least they were the main Allies. The original Allies from 1939 were France, UK and Commonwealth and Poland. Though the occupation forces and therefore the Allies YOU wanna know from me were UK, USA, France and USSR!"

Alex let herself fall on the couch next to Piper, wearing her black Jeans again along with the white long sleeve shirt and a black jeans jacket.

Piper turned around to face Alex, looking at her curiously.

„What?" Pushing her glasses to the top of her head, Alex rised her eyebrows, piercing Piper with those green eyes.

„Why do you know all that? I thought you weren't good at school"

Alex shrugged her right shoulder, smirking at the blue eyed blonde „I read a lot" she stated in her dark raspy voice, sending shivers down Piper's spine.

„Then why do you need tutoring?" Piper felt insecure by how close Alex was sitting to her, she only would have to outstretch her arm to touch the other girl, so she fastly pushed her hands under her own legs to prevent herself from doing somehing stupid.

Alex looked at her with those Rory-like eyes „You really wanna know?"

* * *

 **Gee, I think I grew fond of those "Cliffhanger"-like Chapter endings :D**

 **Please tell me what you think of this Chapter, tell me what you think about Rory! Should I try to write more flashbacks scenes including her?**

 **And of course thanks for your reviews, I love reading all of those, it's kind of a reward for my writing and you really make me smile with them :) So thank you guys XXX**


	7. Chapter 7

"What kind of question is that?" Piper shook her head towards the other girl "Of course I wanna know!"

Piper couldn't believe how uncomplicated being with Alex was, she had been so afraid of this, of her. And now she was sitting here, next to Alex and she felt so comfortable as if it was Polly or Rory sitting next to her. Alex had been like a cure to her pain this day, she had managed to make her laugh after such a miserable day. Hadn't Piper been feeling attracted to her already, she surely would fall for her right now.

"Ok. But you gotta promise me that you keep tutoring me no matter what!" Alex turned around, she still was in her socks and she pulled her left leg on the couch so that she could face Piper, her left arm lay stretched out on the back rest only a millimeter away from Piper's shoulder, causing Piper to get goosebumps down her whole arm.

When the blonde didn't answer, too concentrated on keeping her heart from jumping out of her mouth, Alex bumped her fist against her shoulder playfully, waking Piper's "little-sister-of-a-douchebag-instincts".

Piper grabbed Alex's fist in a deathly grip, throwing her an evil glance before she boxed her free hand into Alex's tightened shoulder.

"Oah. You shithead" Alex rubbed her shoulder, while Piper was already putting some safety distance between them.

"Ok you wanted it that way!" Allex started to take up the chase, hounding Piper through the room towards the stairs and she grinned evily when the blonde made the mistake to really run down the wooden steps.

Too late Piper noticed her mistake, she had reached a dead end. In front of her was the wooden wall that blocked her from freedom and behind her was her hunter standing at the top of the stairs. Two days ago Piper would have feared for her life in the same situation but as she turned around now, her back to the wall and saw Alex smirking down at her, arms crossed, Piper felt the dangerous trust she had in her.

"You didn't really think you could escape the great Alex Vause, did you?" Alex grinned while slowly walking down step by steps towards an also grinning Piper.

"You know you would be more threatening without these socks. They are too cute!" Piper had no idea where she took her courage from she didn't recognize herself, she was actually flirting with that girl, but she liked that new Piper.

"Shithead!" Alex shook her head over Piper's naughty attitude and Piper grinned even wider, Alex was now three steps above her and Piper knew she had just two possibilities, attack or flee.0

"Yeah. You mentioned that before! I've been called way worse!" With that she caught Alex off guard, unintendedly bringing up the topic both of them had avoided until now and while Alex was still trying to swallow that comment, Piper turned around again and jumped, her hands gripping the upper edge of the board wall and started to pull herself up but Alex's recovery was faster than expected.

She felt Alex grab around her waist, trying to pull her down, laughing at Piper's squeeking. Piper desperately clinged onto the wall until she felt a sharp pain shoot through her left hand and reflexively let go off her grip; a motion Alex's hadn't expected.

Suddenly withouth the resistence of her adversary, she stumbled and fell backwards.

The half second before you land on the ground are always worse than the landing itself, when the horror rises in your heart and you try to prepare yourself for the pain to come.

The impact was unexpectetly soft for stairs and it took a second until Piper realized she was lying on top of a groaning Alex who still had an arm around her waist. Piper turned around, she wanted to roll off the other girl but Alex hadn't let go off her so Piper's turning around resulted in lying face to face on top of Alex instead of lying next to her.

Piper didn't knew if that had been intended, but the way Alex groaned and rubbed her neck, Piper assumed that the raven-haired hadn't even realized that she still had her arm around the blonde.

"You ok?" Piper asked, really worried about her 'student'. She could feel Alex's soft body under her, could feel where her breasts were, could feel the movement when Alex started talking, but Piper couldn't listen. She couldn't focus on anything else than the feeling of Alex's torso moving up and down while breathing and Piper wasn't sure but she thought she could feel Alex's heart beat under her chest.

This daydreaming had become ridiculous frequent the last days.

When Piper felt Alex's second hand touch her hip, she opened her eyes though she hadn't even noticed that she had closed them beforehand.

"Are you ok?" Alex's eyes looked at her with this incredible tender look. Piper couldn't stand it anymore, couldn't stand how close she was to Alex's face, to her eyes, to her lips. She had to get some space between herself and the warm body of this girl.

But nevertheless, as she stood up and Alex's hands slided off her hips, she instantly missed them. And now the pain in her hand shot through her again and her before numbed brain suddenly realized the sharp feeling.

"I think I've got a splinter!" She examined her hand, while Alex lifted herself up from the stairs, standing way too close to Piper again, she took Piper's hand in her own, getting very close to it with her face, Piper felt her breath in her palm.

Alex looked up in her face for a second, giving her a reassuring smile, before she looked down at the splinter under Piper's skin again.

"Shit!" Alex stated "It's too dark down here" and with that she took Piper at the wrist and pulled her up the stairs behind her. In that moment Piper could imagine how being with Alex would feel like.

Alex let Piper sit down on the couch, kneeling down in front of her, taking her hand softly into her's. She examined the hand in the dull light and Piper couldn't stop her heart from beating, she still felt Alex's body as if she still was lying underneath her.

"Ok. I'm gonna get a first aid kit. You'll wait here!" Alex mistook Piper's displeased look for fear or or pain maybe, while Piper just didn't want Alex to let go off her hands.

"Hey, kid. It's gonna be alright!" Alex stroke Piper's cheek tenderly with the back of her fingers, like you do to calm down a hurt child and the spot where she touched Piper, her cheek instantly burned like fire. "I'll be back right away!" she pushed a strand of Piper's blonde hair behind her ear before she hurried down the stairs.

'If only you knew what you do to me with those little gestures' Piper thought. She was now sitting alone in the attic and her whole body consisted of that shaky feeling. As soon as Alex had left the room, she felt her hurting hand in the full extent like Alex had been the patch that now someone had teared off.

But at least Alex's absence and the burning pain helped her to calm down a little, she had been afraid that she would get a heart attack if it didn't stopp racing like that. Piper closed her eyes, breathing in deeply, how should she survive these feelings? How could she keep telling herself that she's not gay, while her heart raced when Alex was around.

She leaned her head back at the backrest, closing her eyes, she was so exhausted, a fact that Had also been disguised by Alex's presence, now that her nerves calmed down, tiredness hit her like a train and she eventually dozed off.

"Hey. Sorry had to break into the secretary's office. This fucking scool has a real lack of first aid kits and the lock was pretty tricky." Alex started talking as soon as she entered the little room at the end of the stairs and her voice seeped slowy into Piper's brain, but her body was still resisting being woken up. "Piper? You there?" Piper was half awake half fighting herself back To sleep, while she heard Alex walk up the stairs, then it got silent and Piper already thought she had only dreamed when she heard Alex's whispering voice right next to her.

"So very cute!" Then she felt Alex's fingers stroking her hair out of her face and Piper's heart started racing again, she was awake immediately and when she opened her eyes Alex was standing right above her, smiling.

"Hey sleepy. I got the kit!" she waved a red bag in front of Piper's face before kneeling down on the floor again. "You're telling me why you need tutoring now?" Alex took Piper's hand between her's again, but she couldn't see in the dull light of the attic. So she reached into Piper's pocket pulling out her cellphone and Piper's heart skipped a beat when she felt Alex's hand near her groin. This girl was killing her.

"Take this!" Alex reached her her own cellphone with the switched on torch to hold it over her hurt hand. "Promise me you will keep tutoring me and I'll tell you!" Alex reached into the red bag and Piper winced at the sight of the tweezer, this would hurt. Alex stroke her wrist softly throwing her a compassionate look, in this moment Piper would have done everything Alex would ask her for.

"Ok, promised!" A smile beamed up on Alex's concetrated face for a second while she sprayed the desinfectant on Piper's hand.

"So this is gonna hurt!" Alex said looking contritedly.

"The hand or your revelation?" Piper winced though Alex hadn't even started to come close to her with the tweezer.

"Don't make me laugh while I'm operating your hand, kid!" Alex chuckled. Piper shut her eyes, she didn't want to see Alex operating, she felt sick already.

"Soooo" Alex started talking and pulling at the splinter at the same time, that thing was huge and Piper tried hard not to cry

"I need your tutoring" Alex mumbled, completely focused in her medical study object "because" she moved Piper's hand a bit more in the torchlight and Piper was close to killing her.

"Because" Alex took her tongue between her teeth trying to get a good grip on the splinter that was now slightly stucking out of Piper's palm and hurt like hell.

"Because what?" Piper hissed aggressively.

"Because I have really fuckng bad grades!" Alex stated plainly as if that was exactly what Piper had wanted to hear, and when Piper still was looking at her in shock, wanting to slap her across the face, Alex took advantage of her distraction and pulled at the splinter.

"WhaAAAAAH FUCK!" Piper yelled in pain, when the wood was ripped through her flesh.

„Hey, it's ok, sweetie" Alex stroked Piper's cheek again, making the pain disappear immediatedly „It's out!"

Piper smiled awkwardly down at Alex, who still kneeled in front of her but then she remembered that Alex had just ripped a peace of wood out of her hand after telling her that she needed tutoring because she had bad grades.

„Why you're looking at me like that?" Alex carefully drawed her arm back from Piper's face as she saw her eyes becoming slits, she really looked scared that Piper might eventually bite her.

„Tell me now why you need tutoring, and leave it with your flirty little play games, girl!" Piper still barely recognized herself , it was like Alex turned her into a whole other person, well a person Piper had been long ago, before her heart had been broken, she had literally eaten herself up about it and all her suffering at school had started. She turned into the Piper that Rory had known.

„Oh" Alex clicked her tongue, before letting herself fall next to Piper, sprawling across the couch in full homelike mode, her foot touching Piper's tigh, her arms under her head „Cocky!" she grinned.

Piper turned around on the sofa to face Ales, crossing her legs, and laying them on top of Alex's feet that were a little cold frpm the lack of shoes. She had not intended the bodycontact but now that she sat there, it felt oddly comfortable and she realized she craved for this contact, not sexually, just like you want to be close to someone you really care about.

And Alex didn't move a bit, she didn't seem uncomfortable with Piper's closeness, it was like they had known each other for ever.

Piper leaned her head on her ellbow, that rested on her knee.

„So why do you have bad grades?" She was a little bit afraid to insult Alex with this question, but only a little „I mean you seem so smart and you know all this stuff!"

Alex wiggled her toes under Piper's tighs, as if it belonged to her thinking process of how to say what she wanted to say.

„Well" she said, biting her lower lip, making Piper nearly die „I just, I don't know. I don't see any sense in having good grades"

Piper tried hard to focus on what Alex said, but it was really difficult, while Alex was looking like this, her black hair sprawled over the armrest, her green eyes behind those sexy glasses and then she wouldn't stop biting her lip and if drove Piper insane.

„So" Piper closed her eyes to get concentrated again, then her forehead crinkled in doubt „No. I don't get that. What do you mean with there is no sense?"

Alex folded her hands in her lap, her nails were varnished in black and Piper thought that was incredibly badass and pretty hot, she really should try to focus on the conversation instead.

„What is the use of good grades?" she took her glasses off her nose, taking the temple between her teeth and Piper had to look somewhere else.

„Go to College?"

„College?" Alex laughed out loud. „I won't go to fucking College, kid!"

Piper shook her head „But why not. You could totally go to College if you put some effort to it!"

Alex sat up on the couch, pulling her feet away under Piper's legs, crosssing them in front of her. She put her glasses on the top of her head and rised her eyesbrows, all without looking in Piper's face.

„Yeah but College costs money!"

* * *

 **You asked for more Vauseman so here it is. What do you think?**

 **And since you complained about the cliffhanger I tried to make this less cliffhangery ;)**

 **Thank you guys for all your reviews, I couldn't stop smiling like a fool while reading them! Keep them coming XXX**


	8. Chapter 8

That was the first really personal thing that Alex had revealed up to now and Piper nearly slapped herself, she never had thought about it. For her, money had never been a problem, she rarely was aware of the fact that there were people in the world, who's biggest problem on earth wasn't how to get the best grades to get accepted to Harvard, that some people had to adjust their dreams to their wallet.

They were silent for a moment and Piper was close to apologizing to her, but at the same time she wanted to know more about Alex and she just couldn't help her nosy self.

"But you could still get good grades. I mean even if you don't go to College."

She sounded like an idiot.

Alex took her glasses off and wiped them on her shirt, still not looking at Piper, who thought she had now finally gone too far.

Piper lowered her head.

"I'm sorry" she whispered, ashamed for assuming that Alex would share parts of her personal life with her "I... I shouldn't have asked!"

"No, it's ok I would have asked too." Alex tried to smile but it looked rather like she had diarrhea and Piper wanted to beat her head against a wall, she had embarrassed Alex with her unsensitive questions, gee, she was a fool.

"I mean it must sound absurd." Alex's attempt of a laughter was as successful as the smile before, it sounded pretty sad, now Piper just wanted to hug her, but her fear was bigger than the desire.

"You don't have to tell me."

"I know." Alex put her glasses on her nose again. "But I want you to understand."

They sat in front of each other, both crossed legged and Piper felt such a closeness to the other girl, that she had to slide a little bit closer to her, she felt her body warmth radiate.

"Well you have to know my Mum works three crappy jobs to get us through the month and if she saw the slightest chance of me going to College she would probably take another three to get the money. And I don't want her to sacrifice her life for mine anymore than she already does." In Alex voice lay so much love and sadness that Piper could barely stand it and out of an impulse she lay her hand on Alex's knee to soothe her, the touch was making her heart race.

"So no good grades, no College, no more crappy jobs!" Alex stroke her fingertips over the back of Piper's hand and the butterflies in the blonde's stomach nearly got heartattacks, but Alex didn't seem like she even realized what she was doing, she was so deep in her thoughts and it meant so much to Piper to be able to share this moment with her.

"You would do anything for your mum, wouldn't you?"

This time Alex really smiled, and the light reached her beautiful eyes.

"Of course! I mean who wouldn't, she is my mum."

Piper felt a sharp pain biting her heart and all of a sudden she drowned in jealousy. She would have given all the money in the world right now to have a mother who actually cared, a mother who she would love so much that she would voluntarily get bad grades to save her from wasting her time.

"Let me bandage your hand." Alex kneeled down on the floor again, and the second she touched Piper's hand the jealousy faded away like clouds that had blocked the sun. Now she could see again, could see Alex who obviously cared for her, making it nearly minor that her own mother didn't, Alex who sacrificed her future to stop her mother from sacrificing her life for her's.

"But why do you need me then?"

„What do you mean?" Alex touched Piper's hand so carefully, that Piper barely felt the pain that still burned in her hand.

„I mean, when you don't want your grades to get better, why take tutoring?"

Alex had finished bandaging Piper's hand but didn't let go of it yet, it was like she needed something to hold on to. She didn't raise her head while talking, and her voice still sounded so sad, that Piper was glad she could hold her hand.

„My mum should at least think that I fucking tried it. She knows me too well and I don't want her to know."

Piper had never thought that someone like Alex, someone so cool and badass, could be so sad and devastated. She had always assumed the cool kids had perfect lives, but she realized how dumb she had been.

„And I figured you could use the work for your College applications? So everybody wins, right?"

„Your mum can be so proud and happy to have you." Piper smiled at Alex, stroking the back of her hand with her thumb and now Alex looked back at her, but she wasn't smiling.

„No" she whispered „Her life would be so much better without us!"

„Us?" Piper didn't know anything about Alex's life and she craved to know everything, she craved to know the girl, who could make her heartbeat race with only a touch of her hand.

„Yeah. Me and my sister. I mean she wouldn't have to work all those crappy jobs, she could just fucking live her life and not waste her time in rundown diners."

„You have a sister?"

Alex scratched her nose before pushing her glasses to the top of her head. „Yeah."

she stood up from the floor and suddenly Piper felt a million miles away from her.

„I'm sorry, I should go now, kid. Have to fucking work." Alex startet putting her shoes on and Piper felt kind of empty without Alex's hand.

„Drug dealing?" she asked with a half-hearted smile.

„Actually another rundown diner." Alex stated, while tying her laces.

Alex was now standing in the middle of the room and Piper couldn't read her face, it was like the past hours had never existed, the handholding, the closeness, the honesty.

„Piper?" Alex said, staring at her feet and Piper was afraid what might come.

„What?"

„You... You know Nicky is my sister, right?"

For a second Piper thought Alex was kidding but the way Alex looked wasn't funny at all and Piper thought her heart might drop to the floor and then just wither on the wooden planks.

„But... but" Piper stuttered, seeing a whole different person standing in front of her; that wasn't her Alex anymore, actually she had never been her's, and tears were dwelling in Piper's eyes.

„You don't even have the same name!"

Alex shoved her hands into her pockets „Yeah cause her asshole dad had been around long enough for her to get his last name, before he pissed off 2 months after her birth. Well, and my fucking father disappeared before I was even born so I got our mum's last name!" she shrugged her shoulder like it was the most normal thing in the world to not know the own father.

„I'm sorry, I really have to go. Let's talk tomorrow ok, here after school?"

Piper nodded and returned Alex's smile half-heartedly. She felt like someone had cut a hole in her.

* * *

„What's wrong, Pipes?" Polly was sitting on Piper's bed, watching Cal making a mess with building bricks on Piper's floor.

„Nothing. Why do you ask?" Polly had ripped her out of her selfdestructive thoughts, Piper had nearly forgotten that she wasn't alone in her room. She hadn't seen Polly in two weeks, what was kind of a long time for them and normally Piper would have been all happy and chatty but today she was just a silent, devastated mess.

„Oh come on Pipes! You look like..." she kneeled down next to the little boy on the ground, putting her hands over his ears, to which he didn't even deign a reaction, he was way too busy with his building bricks.

„You look like crap, Pipes and you lost even more weight. Do you ever even eat, you look like a god damn skeleton!"

„Polly let go of it, I'm fine, ok!"

She was in fact far away from ok. She felt like Alex had betrayed her, and she didn't even know why, she just wished she had known the whole sister-thing earlier. Then she had never said yes to the tutoring, she had never spent time with Alex and she had never fallen in love with her. Oh god, there it was, she had avoided this thought for hours now, but there it was and she couldn't push it back anymore.

Letting her head fall on her desk, she groaned.

„That's so bullshit!" she felt the tears dwelling in her eyes, she couldn't believe this happened to her, again. And this time it was even worse, because when Alex would find out about her feelings, she would probably rat her out to her monster sister and when that happened, Piper could easily just kill herself.

All the silly hope she had had, that Alex might end her friendship with Nichols for her, that she might choose the skinny blonde over the leatherjacketed bully, had faded away, Alex would never choose her over her family.

She lifted her head from the table just to let it hit the hard surface again.

Then she felt a tiny hand grab her's and she remembered her little brother still being in the same room as her. She turned around to him and looked in his wide questioning eyes.

„Sorry babyboy." grabbing the little blonde under his armpits, she lifted him on top of her lap, letting him cuddle against her chest.

„Pipes." Polly grabbed for Piper's hand and stroke Cal over his head with the other one „Pipes, tell me what's wrong. Is it that Nichols girl again? What did she do?"

Piper just shook her head, she was not feeling able to talk about Alex but she knew she might explode if she didn't.

„Wait. Just let me put Cal in the tub."

She sat the little boy into the warm water she had filled in the tub and watched him choose if he wanted to play with his spiderman-actionfigure or if today was a spongebob-day.

When he finally had decided to let them both join him in the tub, she closed the bathroomdoor a bit, leaving a gap through which she could keep an eye on the five year old.

Then she sat down on her chair again, pulling her knees to her body, her bare feet on the seat. The splashing from the bathroom was the only noise in the room, because Polly knew best to give Piper time.

„I think" Piper whispered, her eyes pinned to her feet, while she only saw Alex's black white socks in her mind „I think I'm in love, Pol." her voice cracked and the tears started rolling down her face.

„But Pipes" Polly kneeled down in front of Piper, taking her hands into her's, making Piper die on the inside „Pipes, that's great. It's Larry, isn't it? Pete told me he asked for your number. Oh my god, this would be so great, just imagine it, we could go on double dates and … Pipes?"

Only then Polly seemed to realize the tears on Piper's face.

„Piper, he's into you, I'm sure he is! I mean he asked for your number and Pete said that Larry said that he thinks you're cute. Why are you crying, sweetie?"

Piper pulled her hands out of Polly's and stood up from the chair, passing her kneeling friend, she crossed the room. She couldn't stand looking into Polly's all excited eyes.

„It's not Larry, Pol." Piper whispered against the wall next to the bathroom door.

Her head ached from the collision with her desk and the cool wall that she leaned her forehead against helped a little.

„What?" Piper wasn't sure if Polly hadn't understood her or if she didn't believe what she was saying.

She raised her voice a little „It's not Larry, Pol. I'm not in love with Larry. I mean yeah he is cute, but there is someone else."

She turned around, leaning her back against the wall.

„But who?" Polly still kneeled on the floor and the confusion in her eyes would have been funny if Piper wouldn't have been so desperate. She closed her eyes, leaning her head on the wall.

„Her name is Alex." she said rather silently but loud enough that Polly would hear it, because she didn't think she was able to say that once more.

Now that she had said it there was no way back and the hopelessness of the situation flooded her heart making the tears dwell in her eyes again.

„Pipes?" suddenly Piper felt arms around her body, felt Polly pulling her into a hug and stroking her over the top of her head. „Hey, Pipes. It's okay."

Polly pecked a kiss on her cheek and Piper remembered why she was friends with Polly, Polly knew her like noone else and she knew what Piper needed right now. No blaming, no dumb questions, just a hug.

Later, after Piper had tucked her brother in, they were lying in bed next to each other and Polly was holding Piper's hand.

Piper had never told Polly why she and Rory had stopped being friends, she had never told her about her feelings for Rory, had never told her how devastated she had been, but now everything was dripping out her mouth until she was empty.

„And now you're scared that the same thing will happen with this... what's her name?"

„Alex." Piper tasted the name in her mouth like a cherrydrop. „But no, it won't happen again, I won't make the same mistake again."

„Don't you think you'd have a chance? I mean maybe she likes you, too?"

Piper shrugged her shoulders „It doesn't matter. Even if she would, her sister would probably rip me apart the second she heard of me seeing Alex."

Polly turned around, facing her best friend, she still was holding her hand.

„Sister?"

Piper kept staring at the ceiling, not knowing if she should laugh or cry.

„Nicky Nichols"

„Oh, Fuck"

„Yeah"

* * *

 **Hey guys, thanks a lot for your feedback it always means a lot to me.**

 **And thanks for the hint about the exclamation marks, I hadn't even noticed how inflationary I'd been using them. So I tried to make it better this time ;)**

 **Like I said in my last fanfic, I'm not a native speaker, english is only my second language that I barely ever use in daily life. So I'm really sorry for all spelling and grammar mistakes I make, cause I know how annoying that is. And I have a request, if you notice words or phrases or things I use wrong on a regular basis, please message me and help me improve my writing :)**

 **And of course, like always, please review and tell me your thoughts about the chapter :)**

 **Soooooo, I just got pretty pissed that everbody is still complaining about my exclamation marks after I had already removed 90% of them. Then I noticed... shoot I forgot to save the alterations before uploading ... oops! Here is now the hopefully better version ;)**

 **I wish you all a Happy New Year. XXX**


	9. Chapter 9

Piper woke up in the middle of the night and it took her a few seconds to locate the fuss that had ripped her out of her sleep.

She panicked, thinking maybe Cal had fallen down the stairs and her heart was beating in her throat all of a sudden. She hurried to her door, ripping it open, already horrified of what she might find behind that door.

Cal's bedroom door was closed, a fact that let her have hope that he was still asleep in his bed.

When Piper took the stairs, she saw a body lying on the black marble floor of the hall. Who ever it was, hadn't turned on the light and Piper nearly fell down the stairs in the dark, she could clutch to the railing last second, a pain shooting through her hand where Alex had ripped out the woodsplinter hours ago.

Piper pulled herself up again, rubbing the small of her back where she had hit the step. Jumping down the last few steps, she recognized her mother in the motionless body on the floor.

"Mum?" she let herself fall on her knees "MUM?"

But Carol didn't answer and for a second Piper was sure she was dead, a tear dropped from her face onto her mother's cheek.

"Mummy?" Piper hadn't called her mother like that for at least 10 years. She tilted her head and tried to hear her mother breathing, laying her head on top of her chest.

It took a little time, that felt like hours, because Piper's heartbeat was so loud that she was deaf to everything else. But then she felt her mother's chest moving and was finally able to differentiate Carol's heartbeat from her own.

"Mum!" she grabbed Carol's shoulders and shook her "Fuck!" Piper yelled "Mum please!"

„MUUUUM!" she heard her mother gagging and turned the body to the side so her mother wouldn't choke on her own vomit as she regurgitated her stomach contents, that consisted mainly of wine.

The acrid smell of gastric acid reached her nostrils, but she was used to the smell and sight of puke from her own digestive juices.

„Piper?" the high voice of her little brother rang through the hallway and Piper could see his naked feet at the head of the stairs, illuminated by the dull moonlight that shined through the alabaster glass of the front door.

„Cal go back to bed!" Piper hissed through her teeth, still trying to hold her mother's head to prevent her from aspirating her vomit.

„Piper? What are you doing?" his little feet toddled down the stairs step by step, while his hand clinged to the railing.

„CAL, GO TO YOUR FUCKING BED!" Piper yelled at her little brother, who immediately started crying.

„Come Caly." It was Polly who took Cal's hand and led him back to his room, Piper had almost forgotten that Polly was sleeping in her room and had probably been woken up by her screaming, but right now she was so grateful for her best friend while at the same time she was embarrassed that someone had seen her mother in this state.

„Mum?" Piper whined, tears running down her face „Mum, what shall I do? What can I do, mum?"

Piper was desperate, she couldn't cope with this situation, all she wanted was to run and hide. But you can't hide from your own skin.

„We gotta put her into the shower." Polly's voice sounded like coming from a distance, like reality knocking at the door of her nightmare.

She barely realized how they carried Carol up the stairs, each of them on one side of her, her arms over their shoulders they dragged her into Piper's bathroom, that was the nearest.

It was Polly who turned on the water to wash the vomit from Carol's body, while the woman kept fainting. It was also Polly who called the ambulance, while Piper was sitting on the bathroom floor, her mother's vomit on her, although she hadn' even realized that her mothe had actually puked on her on their way up to first floor.

Piper had no idea where her father was, she hadn't seen him in days, and she hated him so much right now, for not being here for her mother, for not being here for her and Cal. In this second it was all his fault and she was glad she had someone to blame, someone else than her drunken mother.

The ambulance came and took her mother to the hospital and she had to stay home with Cal, but that was probably for the better, she didn't want to be there when her mother sobered up, she was afraid of what she might do to her when she had the chance.

Polly helped her getting out of her clothes and into the shower and then left her alone to look after Cal.

The hot water ran down her skinny body, washing off the numb feeling inside her chest, all that remained in her cramping heart was a deep burning sadness and a huge amount of anger.

She finished showering, swallowing down her sadness, right now she needed to be angry.

Sitting on her bed, wrapped in a towel she hit the buttons on her cellphone, her fingers nearly destroying the phone from anger.

It was three o' clock in the morning and she should probably wait until the morning, until her anger calmed down, but she needed a valve for her emotions.

„Piper? Do you know what time it is?" her father's voice sounded sleepy on his cellphone but Piper didn't even care, he was an asshole and it was all his fault.

„Fuck you, dad! I know what time it is, it is too fucking late for you to make things good!"

„Piper Chapman, how are you talking to me, is that how I brought you up?"

„You just fuck up everything! Where the hell are you even?" Piper was yelling at her father through her phone, all her desperation and hate exploding in that single moment.

„It is your fault! It is all your fault for fuck's sake. You know what? Don't come back, ever!"

She hit the red button on her phone, she had totally forgotten why she had wanted to call her father, what she had expected, but she actually felt a little bit better now that she had passed her anger to her father.

Just then she realized Polly standing in her doorframe.

„You ok, Pipes?"

Piper shook her head, she was far away from ok, she never felt so left alone from her parents. They hadn't really been there for her the past few years, but this was a new level of loneliness, it was a hole inside her that neither Polly nor Cal could fix.

She pressed the red button on her phone, when her dad tried to ring her and started typing a message into her phone.

To: Alex

Hey Alex, I'm sorry I'm not coming to school tomorrow.

See you on Monday. -P

She knew it was in the middle of the night and Alex was probably asleep already, but she couldn't stop looking on the screen all four seconds while Polly helped her getting back to bed.

She hoped for an answer, an answer that would make everything allright, that would make her feel less lonely, less hopeless.

She had no idea how this text should look like, she just wanted Alex to care.

But all her screen was showing were the multiple times her dad tried to reach her.

Should he find out himself what had happened.

She shut her phone off, before falling into a unsteady sleep.

When she woke up, Polly was already gone and instead of her, Cal was lying next to her.

She saw on her clockface that she had only slept three hours since she had gone back to bed.

„I'm so sorry, babyboy." She pecked the blonde boy on the top of his head before she stood up from her bed, she felt so bad for yelling at him last night.

She left her bathroom door open a bit so that she could keep an eye, or rather an ear, on her still asleep brother, while she took off her clothes and stepped into the shower, although it had been barely 4 hours since her last one.

The water ran down her body and she shut her eyes close, looking at the back of her eyelids, where a permanent image of Alex had been printed on ever since the day before.

She let herself drown in her memories, nearly felt Alex's touch on her hips again.

The picture of herself laying on top of Alex on the staircase flashed in her mind and she let herself sink into it. She imagined lowering her head towards the pretty face under her, she imagined brushing those lips with her own, she nearly felt it, felt Alex's lips on her's, felt her tongue in her mouth and her hands wandering from her hips, touching her everywhere.

She restrained herself from letting her own hands wander, not wanting to touch herself while her brother could walk in any second. But it took her a lot to pull herself together.

The pictures in her head were so real, she literally felt Alex touch her breasts and kiss her lips and for a second she thought she even heard her voice, which was ridiculous, since she was standing in her shower at home and Alex was probably in school already.

It was really going south with her.

„Piper?" Alex's voice sounded like coming from the hallway and Piper started to question her mind; being in love was one thing, fantasising about her was another, but hallucinating about her was a whole new level.

She turned off the water and turned towards the door to hear if Cal was up already.

And to her shock, he was.

She had experienced a lot of embarassing, uncomfortable and horrifying things in her life but when she turned around and saw Alex standing in her bathroom, next to a ruffled, sleepy Cal, she just wanted to die.

„Piper, there is someone who wants to see you!" Cal smiled over the whole face, proud that he had answered the door all by himself. Piper was close to killing the little boy and her face must've showed, cause Cal looked at her eyes for a second and turned around immediately and toddled off.

„I'm sorry!" Alex stated, seemingly aware of the awfully inappropriate situation, but instead of leaving, she kept staring at Piper.

Piper was too shocked to even think of looking for clothes, she just stood there naked, her head red as a tomato she was one hundred percent sure that Alex could read in her face that she had just been wet dreaming about her.

She barely noticed that Alex wasn't even looking at her face to read anything in there, she was too focused on the rest of her body, not even trying to hide her stare.

It felt like hours until Piper finally got the idea to cover herself with her towel and she surmised a little disappointed look on Alex's face, when she wrapped the towel around her naked body.

„I'm sorry." Alex repeated, not really convincingly, sice her eyes were still pinned on Piper's breasts. Only 5 minutes earlier Piper had dreamed about Alex looking at her this way, now she felt vulnerable and denounced.

When Alex finally looked at Piper's face she seemed to realize the awkwardness of the moment, she took her glasses off, wiping them on her shirt.

„I'll wait for you outside" she mumbled before leaving the bathroom with a last look on Piper's body.

When Alex closed the door behind her, Piper stood there thunderstruck. Had Alex really been staring at her? Could it be possible that maybe Alex was gay? Could she have a chance? But then she remembered the whole sister-thing and all her hopes crumbled like dry cement.

Out of habit Piper hadn't brought any clothes with her, she normally didn't need to get dressed in her bathroom and when she slipped through the door, Alex was sitting on her bed, now looking a bit uncomfortable too.

Piper avoided looking at her while she passed her to get her clothes from her drawer.

She could have just put them on right there, there wasn't anything that Alex hadn't seen, anymore, but she decided to go to the bathroom to get dressed.

She would have preferred staying there forever, stay there and wait for death. When she finally had the courage to leave the bathroom, Alex was still sitting on her bed.

Piper couldn't look her in the eye, she was way too embarrassed.

„Why are you here?"

* * *

 **So guys, what do you think about chapter 9?**

 **I don't know what's wrong with this website but it doesn't show all of your comments anymore in the review section :( But don't worry I read all of them anyways, some of them a million times, cause they were sooooo nice :) You guys make me happy, even though this website is driving me nuts right now ;)**

 **XXX**


	10. Chapter 10

„Your brother let me in. Cute boy." Alex stated, staring at her own knees. While she hadn't been able to stop staring at Piper earlier, she now avoided even looking in her direction.

„Listen, I'm sorry for crashing in like this. I should have knocked. I didn't expect to find you..."

she coughed, blushing, preferring not to end her sentence.

Piper didn't know where to look at, her face was burning from the heat of her rushing blood. She was so ashamed, Alex had seen her naked. And although a part of her had dreamed of being naked in a room with the most beautiful girl in the world, in that dream she hadn't felt that humiliated and also she hadn't been naked alone.

She leaned against her drawer, her life was getting worse from day to day.

„Where is Cal?" she asked rather herself than Alex, but Alex pointed her finger towards the door and Piper went outside for second to make sure he was ok.

Cal was sitting in the middle of his room, looking like a lost puppy and Piper's heart nearly broke seeing him like this.

„Cal" she sat down behind her brother, wrapping her arms around him „I'm so sorry, baby. I've been a crappy sister the past hours, huh?"

In less than an hour she had yelled at him, had Polly taken him to bed and had thrown him deadly glances as if any of this was his fault, and all this while the little boy had no parents around, caring for him at the moment.

Sometimes she really wished Danny were here and not in Europe.

„Caly, can you forgive me?" Cal nodded slowly, still looking as devastated as before.

„We will go visit mum later, ok baby?" Cal nodded again, he was rarely ever this silent, but at least he started playing with his toys again, not very enthusiastic, but still.

Piper pecked him a kiss on the top of his head, before leaving his room again, letting his door open.

She walked back to her room, feeling even more miserable.

Leaning back against her drawer again, Piper crossed her arms.

"Alex, why are you here?" she kind of started to get angry at her, she had come here without being invited, had invaded her privacy and didn't even bother to explain herself. Piper glanced at Alex, not avoiding her eyes anymore.

Alex threw a glance back before nodding towards Piper's nightstand where her phone was lying on top.

"You wrote that you wouldn't come to tutoring!" she said, as if that would explain anything. But it didn't and Piper's mood wasn't lightening up by any of it.

Yesterday Alex's presence had made her feel blessed but now she just felt uncomfortable with her and the fact that she had seen her naked was just one factor.

Alex sat on the edge of the footend of Piper's bed, crossed legged, leaning back on her arms and Piper realized she knew this image, but in her dreams seeing Alex on her bed had felt better.

She had felt so much closeness to this girl and now they were so distant, after all they still barely knew each other.

"Piper? Is it because of Nicky?" The tenderness of that nickname shot sharply through Piper's body, it felt like a slap across her face and she had to close her eyes from the pain.  
Alex was Nichols sister, Alex called her Nicky and Alex surely loved her sister no matter what, and it felt like knives in Piper's chest. She fought the tears back that dwelled in her eyes, not wanting Alex to see her cry.

She felt the old desperation, the pain she had felt the second Rory had left her room and her life.

Suddenly there was a hand grabbing for her's, at first her left hand then also the right and she just wanted to drown in those hands, she wanted to be a fool, open her eyes and kiss the girl she wanted to kiss, without thinking about the consequences, she wanted to feel her lips, wanted to sink in her arms.

She slowly opened her eyes and saw Alex face so close to her's that for a second she thought Alex would kiss her.

But Alex didn't, she just looked at her, holding her hands and all the closeness flamed up in Piper again.

„Pipes." Alex whispered and suddenly there was another nickname, one for her, one that felt new although she had heard it a billion times, from Pol, from Cal, from Rory.

But this time it was Alex who said it and it nearly killed Piper. She desired that girl so much and it was eating her up from the inside.

Alex looked her in the eye „Pipes? Is it because of Nicky? I mean I know you two don't like each other!"

And just like that, just this single sentence and the closeness was gone, she pulled her hands out of Alex's and pushed past her to get a few steps away from her, sitting down on her bed exactly where Akex had been sitting a few seconds before, nearly snorting „Don't like each other? You're kidding right?"

That was like the understatement of the year and it felt like Alex was trying to defend her sister. Defend her although she had seen her insulting Piper, humiliating her, destroying her stuff and even beating her up.

Just then Piper realized again, that she hadn't only been falling for te best friend of her bully or rather the sister of her bully, but for someone that had watched her being treated like shit and never had done anything about it. She had watched and that was nearly as bad as if she was doing it herself

„I think it's better if you go now." she muttered under her breath, she wanted Alex to go and at the same time she wanted her to wrap her arms around her and hold her. Her sadness drowned in her empty heart.

„Pipes." Alex turned around to her, looking more than overwhelmed with the situation, but Piper couldn't feel pity for her, she crossed her arms in front of her chest, Alex did the exact same thing and Piper felt that they were about to get in a huge fight.

„Listen, Piper, I know this is fucked up but..."

„Piper?" The dark voice of Piper's father sounded through the house, a sound Piper hadn't heard in what felt like ages. But now she was kind of relieved, she hadn't liked how the conversation with Alex had been developing and so she was grateful for every distraction, even a distraction by her father.

She heard her father coming up the stairs, but she didn't want Alex to see him, didn't want her to hear anything about her fucked up family.

She threw her an apologizing look, before leaving her room, meeting her father halfway up the stairs and pulled him back down into the kitchen.

She closed the door behind her, answering her dad's questioning look with an „I'm not alone."

She crossed her arms, leaning against the kitchen counter, she was angry and sad at the same time, a feeling that started to get familiar.

She kind of wished for her dad to hug her, to be a dad, the kind of dad he had been when Piper had still been small and at the same time she wanted to slap him across his stupid, cheating face.

„Piper? Would you please tell me what this is all about? I've tried to call you!" His voice was angry and Piper instantly lost her wish for a hug, now she just wanted to slap him.

„Yeah, dad. I know you did, but after not seeing or hearing from you in a whole week I thought it couldn't be that urgent!" she hissed at him.

For a second she thought _he_ would slap _her_ , but he didn't.

„Don't you dare talk to me like that!"

Piper was about to answer something naughty about how she had forgotten how to talk to him in all the time he hadn't called or been home but then she just realized how incredibly tired she was, not only her body but also her mind, she felt exhausted and all she wanted was to lie down in her bed and sleep.

„Look Dad, just take Cal and drive to the hospital with him. Mum's there, she can tell you what happened. Please Dad, just do it." she turned around, not waiting for an answer, instead she just walked back to first floor, where Alex was still standing in the middle of her room like Piper had never left.

But Piper didn't have the strength to argue with anybody any furher, she just closed her bedroomdoor behind her and lied down on her bed.

„You ok?" Alex asked as Piper felt her weight pressing down the matress the moment she sat down beside her, then she felt Alex's hand stroking up and down her arm. The tears started rolling down Piper's face, all the arguing, all the emptyness, all the desperation she had felt these day weighed down on her and left her as a nervous wreck.

The tender touch of the raven haired girl felt better than she wanted it to feel. It was scaring her that Alex had so much power over her, that she could make her feel on top of the world and down in the dumps.

„Pipes?" Alex raspy, sexy voice was right next to her ear as she leaned down to her. „Pipes what's wrong?"

But Piper couldn't speak, she just wanted to drown in Alex's arms and that was what she did.

She cuddled up against Alex, who wrapped her arms around her, nearly naturally, like they had done this a million times before. Piper was way to tired to think about what that meant now, she just focused on the sound of Alex breathing, she holed up in her scent and it made her feel home immediately.

When she woke up she was still lying in Alex's arms, she obviously had fallen asleep eventually and it had been her first good sleep in a long time, but now she felt embarrassed and vulnerable. Alex had not only seen her naked but also asleep now. It was kind of a one-sided intimacy that creeped the shit out of her.

She slid away from Alex, although a part of her wanted to stay exactly where she was.

„Sorry" she mumbled, not able to look Alex in the eye „You missed school because of me"

Alex just chuckled „Who cares? It's fucking friday that is nearly the same as weekend, kid."

Piper had to laugh a little at that comment.

It was amazing how that girl could make her laugh, no matter what shitty situation she was in at the moment. They were so different; while Piper already had a bad conscience because she didn't go to school after her dad had arrived to watch out for Cal, Alex didn't even mind skipping school without a decent excuse.

„Is my dad gone?" Piper hugged her own legs, her tipical position for awkward situations.

„Yeah, they left shortly after you fell asleep." Alex seemed to feel the awkwardness of the sitaution as well and she stood up from Piper's bed, putting on her combat boots again, she must have taken them off while Piper had been asleep.

„So what about tutoring now? You come on Monday?"

Piper nodded and Alex turned around to leave, escaping the awkwardness that seemed to be even worse than after the naked-bathroom-scene.

When Alex was already down half the stairs, Piper ran after her, she couldn't stand Alex leaving already. She outran Alex at the end of the stairs, grabbing for her hand to make her turn around.

The girl in the sexy leatherjacket stared at her with those green, alluring eyes and Piper realized she had never considered those leaterjackts sexy, but Alex was god damn hot in them.

„Let me drive you home, ok?"

Alex nodded and Piper ran up to her room again to collect her carkeys and her jacket.

When she was next to Alex again she just took her hand like it was the most natural thing to do and pulled her after her into the garage.

It was strange having Alex sit next to her in her Mustang. It should feel more like an intrusion into her privacy but it felt rather comfortable.

She backed out of the garage, while Alex typed her adress into her GPS.

„You can just tell me where you live, you know?" Piper laughed.

„Yeah, but then you might forget where I live." Alex joked and Piper turned red as always, was Alex really just flirting with her?

„I wouldn't" she whispered, while she headed for the highway, that was actually a detour, but she wanted to brag a little with her car and a Mustang just wasn't that cool in the town.

The smirk on Alex's face boosted Piper's confidence and for a second she thought 'Fuck it. Fuck Nichols. Fuck the consequences.' Alex had come around to look after her, she had stared at her while she had been naked, she had held her hands and had held her in her arms. She did care about her, there was no other explanation.

Thank god Piper was driving right now or else she wouldn't have known what she might have done to Alex.

She turned on the radio. When she reached for the volume control to turn up the sound, her fingertips met Alex's black nailed, leather braceletted hand and the electricity shot through her body like a familiar wave.

But instead of pulling her hand away like she had done back then in the bathroom - was that really only three days ago? - she held on to it.

They sat next to each other in the car, floating on the melody of the music, holding hands, and Piper had butterflies in her stomach. She could have stayed like this for ever, music, her car, the highway and Alex's hand.

„Fuck." Alex stated, admiring the car just like Piper had wanted her to „Why do you never drive this car to school, kiddo?"

„Cause your sister would probably blow it." It came out of Piper's mouth all naturally and she felt Alex's eyes piercing her, probably to find out if she was going to start a fight again.

But Piper's voice was lacking any blame, instead she was just smiling.

„Probably." Alex grinned.

* * *

 **So I really hope this chapter isn't full of mistakes (or fuller than the others...) because it's like half past 12 in the night and I'm nearly falling asleep at my computer, so sorry for any dumb things I just wrote ;)**

 **Also thanks for all of your mind-blowing, flattering, super nice and cool reviews XXX**


	11. Chapter 11

It had started to rain and Piper parked her car on the side of the road in front of a rundown apartement block, the neighborhood looked like the exact opposite from her own home, it was murky and dirty and looked like a shitty place to grow up, with drug dealers at the end of the street and thugs behind every corner, at least that was what crossed Piper's mind, once they had arrived here.

She hated the pecksniffian appearance of her suburban, stuffy homestreet but at least the worst thing that could happen to you there was wild gossip.

Alex hadn't lied when she had said they had no money. But Piper still wished she could come upstairs with her, see her room, her bed, where and how Alex lived. Maybe even meet her mum.

Alex had avoided to look at Piper ever since they had arrived at this neighborhood but at least she hadn't let go of her hand, yet.

Now they were standing at the sideway and Alex surely would exit the car any minute if Piper didn't say anything soon. She wanted to tell her how comfortable she felt in her presence, she wanted to tell her how her heart was going crazy when she touched her hand, how her breathe was going faster as soon as she looked at her.

„Alex?" Piper whispered to the raven haired girl, who was staring out of the window onto the wet pavement.

„Huh?" Alex rather hummed than said, not taking her eyes off of the grey, dusty footpath.

„Al." Piper squeezed Alex's hand, wanting her to look at her. The nickname just came automatically with the closeness of sitting together in the tiny space of her car, holding hands, while it was raining outside.

Alex turned around, looking Piper directly in the eye and Piper was sure she could read what she was feeling inside.

„Al, why did you come today?" she had asked that before but she still didn't really know and even if she had known, she still would have asked, just to be with Alex for a little while longer.

And she couldn't say what she really wanted to say to her.

Alex looked down on their hands, her thumb was stroking the back of Piper's hand.

„I wanted to make sure you don't bail on me now that you know …. you know!" Alex tried a half-hearted smirk before she felt Piper's body stiffen.

Piper kind of knew that she was more to Alex than an alibi for not studying but hearing Alex say that it was the reason for her showing up today, it still felt like a sting in her heart.

„Besides" Alex mumbled „when you sent me a text in the middle of the night, saying you wouldn't come to school, I got kind of worried."

Piper stared at her, she had not wasted a single second to think about the impression that her text at 3 in the morning might convey.

„I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..." but Alex broke her off „Hey, it's ok." she squeezed her hand like Piper had done earlier and then she let go off her hand.

It instantly felt cold.

Alex put her hood over her head, before she exited the car, throwing a last look onto Piper through the rain.

„See you monday, kiddo." She smirked, all badass and cool again

„Oh and by the way, great abs." she winked, before she disappeared through the rain.

Piper sat there in her car and she couldn't wipe her smile off her face, Alex liked her. She really did.

She started the engine and drove off towards the hospital.

The rest of the weekend went by without anything worth mentioning. Piper spent the days with babysitting her brother, while her parents were at the hospital, discussing the future of their marriage.

Piper really didn't want to think about what that meant for her and Cal. And anyway she couldn't really think about anything else than Alex.

How Alex had looked at her, how Alex had smiled at her, how she had touched her. And the thoughts she had had in the shower started to become even more explicit, making it harder and harder to resist the urge to satisfy her desires.

Every half hour she took her phone in her hand, typing a message for Alex but then she erased whatever she had wrote again, not finding her courage to reach out for her crush. And Alex didn't text her either.

The only message she received that weekend, aside from those from Polly, were a text on Friday night.

 _From: Larry_

 _Hey, Piper. I didn't see you at school today, I hope you're ok. Too bad that you can't come to the party today. Would be much cooler with you there. XX Larry_

He was the cutest, nicest guy you could imagine and for a second Piper wished she had fallen for him. No complicated homosexual thoughts, no gruelsome sisters, no questioning if watching other people bullying was as bad as bullying itself, not all these confusing feelings and doubts. But she just didn't, she wanted Alex with every fibre of her body. Some bodyparts even more than others.

And so when Monday came around it was the first time ever that she was actually looking forward to school. Everything was different this Monday morning. Piper woke up really early and went for a run, and though that was kind of routine to her, it felt so totally different. The street didn't feel as false and hypocritical as usual, because maybe people could be that happy, right?

The pavement felt like home as always, but at the same time it felt new and exciting, just knowing that somewhere in that city Alex was using the same ground as she did, maybe not at the same time, but still.

She didn't need to run her brain free from thoughts because right now she kind of liked thinking, not thinking in general but thinking about Alex, and that thought whitewashed every other thought or fear, because Alex liked her.

Her father had been at home all weekend and Piper was torn between being happy about finally having her dad around again and hating his guts for letting it come so far.

But when she came back from her jog that Monday and her dad was in the kitchen, making breakfast for her and Cal she felt like there was finally going to be a change for the better.

With that positive feeling inside her chest, she drove to school. And it stayed that positive during the first lesson, politics, a class that Alex fortunately didn't attend, so Piper was finally able to pay attention in class.

The feeling also stayed during the first break that she spent in the prop room trying to catch up on all the missed lessons.

The feeling stayed there during second lesson, even though Alex's presence in the classroom kept her from listening to anything her teacher said, again.

She literally thought nothing could destroy her bubble.

But of course she was wrong. Because this was highschool and she was Piper Chapman.

All this positivity, all this being on cloud nine, that was actually pretty ridiculous in itself, had made her too careless, maybe because she forgot about realitiy somehow but maybe also because she was so fed up with being careful around people, fed up with trusting nobody, fed up with hiding herself.

After second lesson Piper decided to not go to the prop room and wander the halls instead, a thing she rarely did.

The first thing she did in this newly found alleged freedom was tidying up her locker and she actually managed to open the damn thing without being burried under all of her stuff and she had just finished throwing out all the crap that had accumulated in there, when she heard a familiar voice behind her, a voice that caused her to turn around immediately.

It wasn't Alex's voice that she had heard, it was her sister's. The whole Nichols gang had gathered at the other end of the hallway, one of the rare occassions where they weren't torturing some student but just standing around, enjoying their power and the fact that everbody was so scared of them that they were avoiding their territory.

Normally Piper would do the same thing and leave the hallway before it was too late, but she just couldn't take her eyes off the tall raven-haired girl, that was standing with the group but rather next to the others than really with them, she leaned against the lockers, reading in the blue book she had also been reading the week before.

She looked beautiful, being caught in her book, not giving a fuck about anything that happened around her. But just as if she had felt Piper's presence she suddenly lifted her gaze and her eyes darted in her direction. Piper felt the butterflies in her stomach all of a sudden again and she smiled in Alex's direction, not able to hide her feelings for her, but Alex's eyes were back to her book as suddenly as they had been looking up at her. Alex didn't even seem to recognize her and the smile on Piper's face fell off like a non fitting mask.

No sign of the flirty affections of last Friday, no smile, no hello, nothing and it hurt more than anything Nichols had ever done to her. More than he wanted to admit.

And all of a sudden, just like this all her good feelings were gone and the dark cloud over her head, that she had carried for so long, was there again.

At least she was able to escape the group before any further damage could happen to her.

The rest of the schoolday went by just like any other crappy, shitty schoolday she had ever experienced, leaving her with hopeless suicidal thoughts, because nothing would ever change for the better, not in her world.

Alex spent the whole last lesson whispering with her sister, causing herself to get nearly thrown out of class and Piper was sure they were talking about her, she could literally feel the gossip at the back of the room floating her mind in huge waves.

She struggled long with the question if she should go to the fake tutoring or if she should just skip it, go home and forget about the damn girl.

But her stupid heart just couldn't leave, it wanted to know that everything was a mistake, that Alex just hadn't seen her, that there was an explanation.

And so after school she found herself sitting on the couch of the prop room waiting for Alex to come. And she waited for a while.

First she waited five minutes, then she checked her phone, nothing from Alex.

She waited another ten minutes, but Alex still were nowhere to be seen.

After 20 minutes Piper wrote her a text.

 _To: Alex_

 _Are you planning on coming or are you just bailing on me?_

Another ten minutes later Piper was sure Alex wouldn't come but the second she decided to go home, she heard the door creek at the end of the stairs and a pretty harried Alex hurried up the stairs, meeting Piper's gaze with a smile. The smile Piper had been missing earlier that day, when everyone else was around.

But it vanished at the sight of Piper's angry face.

„Sorry Pipes." Alex really looked as if she was sorry but Piper had to avert her gaze, she couldn't stand looking at her right now, it hurt too much.

„Ok so you're mad because I'm late, right?" Alex sighed, while moving over to the couch, sitting down next to Piper, facing her, while Piper sat there, staring straight past her gay crush.

„No" Piper grunted, staring at her feet, being not so very convincing. From the corner of her eye, she saw Alex staring at her as if she was trying to make her look at her through telekinesis.

Alex sighed again „You ARE mad."

„As if you would care" Piper whispered, rather to herself, but Alex heard it anyways and Piper immediately regretted saying this.

She looked at Alex to estimate her reaction and was surprised to see Alex looking pretty pissed. The raven haired girl also slid away from her a few inches, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

„What's that supposed to mean?" her voice sounded really pissed off and for a second Piper forgot that she was the one being mad at Alex and not the other way round.

So she turned towards the other girl, crossing her arms as defiantly as Alex had done, throwing her the most pissed look she could provide.

„Actually I'm surprised you even recognized me, didn't seem like you remembered me earlier." gosh, she sounded so pathetic. She probably should look which day of her cycle she was on right now, because this was just childish.

„What?" in that second Alex's jaw dropped open and it took a few seconds until enlightenment hit her like a broken street lamp.

„You're not really mad at me because I didn't say hello to you in the hallway, are you?"

Alex shook her head, making Piper feel even more embarrassed than she already did. She could not believe that she had made herself that vulnerable.

And she definitely hadn't expected that Alex would be that pissed, so when the girl jumped to her feet Piper jerked, startled at her reaction.

„For fuck's sake, Piper. What the fuck do you expect me to do?" she started walking up and down the room, the wooden planks creaking under her feet.

„What do you want? That I say hello to you whereever I see you? Hold your hand no matter who's around?" she was nearly screaming right now „Aren't things bad enough? Do you really need Nicky to get more reasons to torture you? Like really?" she paused her wandering through the room, now standing right in front a sunk down Piper.

„Fuck. Then I could just as well bring her up here every fucking break, ratting out your hiding place. Do you really want her to notice you any time you walk past us?"

„No." Piper whispered, tears dwelling in her eyes „But I want you to notice me."

And just like that she had said everything that had been in her mind for hours, she had put herself into Alex's hands, had risked anything, when she actually hadn't much to lose anymore.

„I do notice you." Alex whispered back at her, all her anger subsided, kneeling down in front of her „I do notice you, I always did!" she breathed.

And then Alex took Piper's face between her hands, wiping away the teardrops that lingered on her cheeks with her thumbs. Her emerald green eyes were warmly looking at Piper's blue one's and for a second Piper thought their eyes would melt into each other.

She had to avert her gaze eventually, her eyes being magnetically drawn to Alex's lips, that were so close to her own that she could feel her breathing.

Alex lowered her hand a little bit, skimming her thumb softly over Piper's lower lip. Piper was unable to move while Alex's other hand wandered towards her neck, pulling her a little bit closer until their lips finally met in a single soft touch.

Piper pressed her body against Alex's, scooping her hands up into Alex's hair.

The light that shot through her body was like a natural force carrying her off the cliff.

Without her even realizing it she had opened her lips to grant entrance to Alex's tongue, that searched for her's until they melted into one another in a deep, thrilling, intimate kiss, that took Piper's breathe away.

* * *

 **There it is, like finally, I mean what took them so long, really? ;)**

 **I really hope you like it, tell me if you do, also tell me if you don't. And of course thanks again for your reviews, you guys are the best XXXXX**


	12. Chapter 12

Piper felt like she might as well just die here and now, because there was nothing she was expecting from her life anymore that could possibly be better than this kiss.

She had forgotten how to breathe minutes ago, her whole body was just living from this kiss.

She felt Alex's chest against her own, felt her heartbeat as fast as her's, a feeling that flooded her body like a warm summerrain.

It was like she was living in her dreams and when she backed from the kiss to get some air it felt like hours had passed.

Alex still had Piper's face between her hands and when Piper finally had the courage to open her eyes again and look in Alex's eyes, she saw her smiling honestly, her green eyes glowing like her red heated cheeks. Piper couldn't believe that this look was really meant for her.

And just when she started to be sure that all this wasn't real, she felt Alex's lips on her's again.

They kept kissing each other for another ages, at the same time moving themselves from their position until Alex sat on the couch with Piper straddling her.

„I dreamed of this a million times!" Alex whispered against Piper's hot lips and Piper felt her heart racing.

„Ditto"

This was definitely a dream, how could it possibly be that Alex really had had the same dreams as her all this past nights and days. Piper brushed her tongue over Alex's lips, while her hands were wandering up her shirt, stroking the skin of Alex's waist with her fingertips. When she heard Alex moan silently she felt her fluids rush between her legs.

She pulled back from that heatening kiss, afraid of going any further. She wanted it so bad, but at the same time she was too afraid to really get involved with Alex.

Too afraid of her own feelings, too afraid to feel that pain again. This pain that she was sure she wouldn't survive a second time.

Alex seemed to understand immediately or maybe she was feeling the same fears, because she just smiled, not making any attempts to get any further and leaned back on the couch, her head resting on the backrest. Her eyes were closed but she kept on radiating this blissful aura, that flew through Piper, lighting up her heart.

* * *

When Piper drove home, she felt like nothing could weigh her down anymore. Like ever.

But too soon for her mental health and physical health the questions started flooding her head.

Did this mean they were a couple now?

They had spent the rest of the afternoon with kissing, cuddling and just looking at each other. They hadn't really talked at all, so when Alex had left for work, Piper still had had no idea what the raven haired girl was thinking.

Had Alex been dreaming of kissing her, because she was in love with her or just because she wanted to make out?

Had Alex really looked happy or was Piper just hallucinating or misinterpreting?

If they were a couple did that mean she had to come out?  
Did Nichols know that Alex was gay?  
Wait, was Alex gay?

Oh my god, would Alex tell Nichols that Piper was gay?

Ehm, was Piper really gay, bi, confused, all together?

Does that make any sense?

Does it matter?

What would happen if anybody found out that Piper was gay, bi, confused, all together, does it make sense, does it matter?

Her head was close to exploding and she was kind of forgetting that she was driving right now, until she felt her head hitting the steering wheel a second before she blacked out from the impact for a few minutes.

When she gained consciousness again there were lots of people gathering around her already, they obviously had pulled her out of her damaged car and from the distance she heard sirens coming closer.

„Great!" she whispered under her breath, this was just her luck. Whenever something good happened, her life had to hit her hard to bring her back to the bottom of reality, with an incredible headache.

The sirens didn't really help to relieve the pain, not while coming closer, nor while driving her to the closest hospital.

Plus she missed Alex already.

* * *

„So Miss Chapman, the results don't show any severe injuries. But since you fainted after the accident we want to keep you here for at least a night, just to be sure. Are you still not feeling nausea?"

Piper shook her head, regretting it immediately, her head felt like a stake had been rammed into her skull. The past hours had pretty much consisted of different kind of tests, medical imaging, and a lot of bandages applied to different parts of her body.

Now she was lying in a hospital bed somewhere on a hallway, waiting for her parents to arrive and waiting to get a room, a single room most likely due to the money of her dad.

The next two hours she spent with typing various texts to Alex, that varied from declaring her love for her to blaming her for her accident to asking her to come over to just telling her that she missed her, and deleting all of them again instead of sending.

In the meantime she had been transferred to her single room, had been blamed by her father, had been apologized to by her mother who had been released from the hospital that morning, had soothed her crying little brother. All this while having nothing but Alex on her mind.

In the end, after her family had finally left again, she just went with this:

 _To: Alex_

 _Hey, ehm, I'm sorry, I won't be at school tomorrow, again._

It took only a minute or two until her phone lit up, showing a new message from Alex.

 _From: Alex_

 _What? Why? Is that about our kiss(es) earlier?_

Piper had to chuckle a little at Alex's kind of upset answer, getting a curious look from the night nurse, who had just brought her some analgetics to help her sleep through the night without having her head killing her.

She just smiled at her, waiting for her to leave the room before she typed her answer.

 _To: Alex_

 _Kind of. You got me a little … distracted ;)_

 _Drove my car into the crash barrier. But I'm fine, just have to stay in the hospital until tomorrow._

She was actually getting flirty again, all her questions and worries from earlier vanishing the second she was in contact with her girl. The girl! The!

Piper didn't even need to put her phone down, getting an immediate response.

 _From: Alex_

 _Oh my god! You sure you're ok? Shall I come?_

Piper grinned like a dork, her headache was gone all of a sudden, and she wasn't sure if this was due to the meds that the nurse had brought her or to the fact that Alex was really asking her if she should come over. If it hadn't been this late already...

 _To: Alex_

 _They're not letting in any visitors at this time anymore. But thanks :)_

She deleted the stupid smiley at the end of her text and replaced with kisses before she hit the send button. She was kind of nervous for the answer, but she didn't receive one.

After three minutes she put her phone down on the white hospital nightstand, somewhat disappointed.

She decided that it would be the best to just go to sleep, hopefully her head would feel better in the morning. But just as she turned off the light, her phone lit up again and so did her face.

 _From: Alex_

 _Do you mean to say my kisses are good enough to get you off (the street)?_

Piper blushed in the dark of her room, feeling arousal grow in her again. She couldn't say if she was feeling flattered, that Alex thought about her in such a way, amused by the pun or embarrassed by it's truth.

She decided to play it cool, what else was she supposed to do?

 _To: Alex_

 _Oh, don't be smug about it, narcissist. It was … okay ;)_

The response came immediately again.

 _From: Alex_

 _Oh, I've psyched you already. But nice try, sweety._

This time Piper knew immediately that it was happiness that she felt, and maybe love, but that was something that she should be very careful with.

She felt her tiredness wrapping her body like a curtain, so she started to type her last message.

 _To: Alex_

 _Good night, Al XXX_

She didn't hestitate anymore to send Alex those kisses, actually she'd love nothing better than to kiss Alex for real right now. Feel her lips again.

 _From: Alex_

 _G'night babe_

„Babe" Piper whispered before falling asleep with a smile on her bruised face.

* * *

When she woke up, she had forgotten where she was for a second and when she saw Alex standing beside her, she thought she was still asleep, caught somewhere in her beautiful dreams.

„Hey beauty" Alex smirked, while sitting down beside her, leaning down to peck a kiss on Piper's lips. Piper was awake immediately.

„You're here." she stated the obvious, her eyes wide from surprise. „You're skipping school again." she scolded playfully, knowing how little Alex cared about school.

„Well I've been waiting to kiss you all night, I couldn't wait 'til tomorrow." Alex winked before leaning in again, for a real kiss this time. Her lips lingered on Piper's for a few seconds before they both opened their mouths slighty and their tongues started exploring each other.

Soon Alex had slipped under Piper's covers and was laying half on top of her.

Piper used a little breathing break to start the conversation she craved for.

„Al, can I ask you something?" she whispered, curling Alex's hair between her thumb and index finger.

„Huh?" Alex bit her bottom lip, drawing Piper's attention back to Alex's mouth and she had to peck a little kiss onto it before she could start talking again. It felt unreal to be able to do this.

„So, did you watch me sleeping? How long have you been standing there? And why the hell did they let you in?" None of this question was the one she really had wanted to ask, but just before opening her mouth the courage had left her again.

„Yes. Like 2 minutes. And I told them I'm your sister. And that is so not what you wanted to aks, right?" Alex brushed her thumb over Piper's bottom lip, making it even harder for her to focus on what she was trying to aks.

„Just ask, Pipes."

„What... what, I mean what is this?" Piper whispered, part of her hoping Alex wouldn't hear it, although they were so close to each other that she could probably hear her heartbeat right now.

„What is what?" Alex asked with her low raspy voice, while kissing a trail down Piper's neck.

In that second the door went open and the doctor who had done all this tests on her the day before walked in with a nurse she hadn't seen yet.

Alex rolled off Piper in the speed of light as soon as she had heard someone on the door and was wondrously sitting upright next to Piper on the edge of her bed the second the doctor closed the door behind him.

They hadn't seen them kising.

„Miss Chapman" the doctor greeted her, staring onto the files he had in his hand.

When he rised his head from them he saw Alex sitting there all naturally.

„Oh, and you are?" he rised his brows, he didn't seem to be very pleased that Piper had a visitor and it pissed Piper off a little, so without thinking about it twice and just to piss him off she answered for Alex.

„That is my girlfriend." she said, dreading Alex's reaction immediately, but Alex didn't react at all.

Instead she stared at the nurse, who looked about 19 years old and who's face was marked by discomfort.

„Is there anything wrong with her?" Alex asked, worry in her voice, reacting to the nurse's look. Piper wasn't even sure if she had heard her calling her her girlfriend.

„That's something we'd like to discuss with your … Ehm" the doctor coughed „girlfriend alone. If you would let us alone please." The word girlfriend came out of his mouth strangely like some kind of an unasked-for animal. Again Alex didn't react to it.

„What? Why?" Piper didn't understand what this was all about and she started to get scared.

„It's customary to talk medical issues with the patient alone first, of course you can tell her afterwards. So would you wait outside?"

Alex nodded reluctantly and walked out of the room, throwing Piper a last worried look.

Piper felt uncomfortable in her own skin, like so often, she feared that she might have scared Alex off with her 'Girlfriend'-comment and she just wanted to run after her.

But the serious look on the doctor's face kept her from doing so.

„So Miss Chapman, as you know we've taken some blood samples from you yesterday to get them tested after your accident and we'd like to discuss the results with you."

Piper was only listening to half of what the man said, looking past him towards the door, where Alex had gone out only seconds before.

Why couldn't they come just two minutes later, then maybe she would know by now what the thing between her and Alex meant.

When the doctor coughed again she finally forced herself to focus on him.

„Is there anything wrong with the results?"

„Well, your potassium is really low and so are your thyroid hormones and your protein."

He could as well have talked in Greek, Piper didn't understand a thing.

„Ok, and what does that mean?"

* * *

 **Oh my god, you are so gonna hate me for this cliffhanger. I know this sucks, but it's all for dramatic purpose, so please forgive me :)**

 **Thanks a lot for your reviews, and a big thank you for my guest who has written this super long and thoughtful review. It is really amazing to see how much thought you put into this story while reading, so thanks a lot.**

 **There are always so many, so great reviews and I really love every single one of them! THANK YOU XXX**


	13. Chapter 13

Piper started to get nervous, she felt that what the doctor was about to say was not what she wanted to hear. Well, nobody wanted to hear bad news from a doctor and this was definitely going to be bad, but this was the one topic that Piper really didn't want to talk about.

She knew enough about the human body to anticipate what the doctor was trying to say.

For a second she considered covering her ears to not have to have this conversation that she had dreaded for a while already, but it wouldn't have changed anything, so she kept staring past the white coat, shielding herself from the lifechanging conversation she was about to have.

For weeks and weeks Piper had made sure to not fall ill, had done everything to avoid seeing a doctor or even worse to get taken bloodsamples. But falling for a girl had changed so much, had confused her and had clouded her mind, so that everything that had been so important before had kind of faded into the backround.

„Miss Chapman?"

Piper nodded, knowing that it was pointless doing anything else.

„I think you know what I want to ask you. We have seen your blood results and, well, your dietary condition speaks for itself. Miss Chapman, how long have you been bulimic?"

There was no use in denying, no use in lying. She had kept this a secret for so long now, had hidden all her vomiting, all the shifting between binge-eating and not eating at all. Even when she had started losing pound after pound noone had assumed in what unhealthy ways she was getting rid of her fat. She had never talked about what she assumed to be her weakness, so when the doctor was expressing what she had avoided speaking out loud all this time, she faltered, tears running down her face immediately. She was half horrified, half relieved to finally talk about it.

„For about half a year, a little longer actually." she took the tissue the nurse had reached her. She had sympathy for her right away, grateful for the reassuring smile the girl, who was only a few years older than her, gave her. The insecurity in her look had disappeared, making way for compassion.

„Miss Chapman, of course nobody can force you into a therapy, but you should really consider the options. There are a lot of possibilities for young women like you and you have to know you are not alone. This isn't a bagatelle, this is a severe illness."

Piper nodded again, this was not happening, just when she had felt happy with Alex, her life betrayed her again. Was this never going to end?

She had no idea what to say and so she stayed silent.

„I have a few information brochures for you, take your time and think about it."

„Thank you" Piper whispered, taking the brochures.

'Together against bulimia' the top one said.

„Miss Chapman?"

She wished the doctor would stop saying her name all the time, it made it painfully clear that this was nothing she could hide from anymore, it made it impossible to pretend as if this wasn't about her.

„You are aware that, since you're not of age, yet, we'll have to inform your parents." The compassion in his voice didn't moderate Piper's shock, her eyes grew wide in panic.

This could not be true.

„Can I go to school tomorrow?" She had no idea why she was asking this right now, but she craved for normalty. She wanted to be able to flee in her normal life, and the fact that she considered highschool actually as a saveplace right now was proof enough of how fucked her life was.

„Of course you can. You will be realeased today right after we talked to your parents. I'll see you later, Miss Chapman, ok?"

Again, Piper nodded.

The second the doctor left the room, Alex rushed back in, face deep in worry. Piper had only enough time to hide the brochures under her pillow before Alex could see them.

She attempted a smile, but besides the fact that her eyes were still red from crying, she was not convincing at all and gave up the try.

„Pipes?" Alex voice was full of worry and it twitched the knive in Piper's heart that had been there ever since the doctor's revelation.

„What is wrong?" she kneeled down on the matress and put her hand on Piper's neck, stroking the spot under her earlobe with her thumb.

Piper couldn't tell her, Alex already knew so much about her while Piper had still no idea who Alex was, what she felt, what she wanted.

„Nothing's wrong. I just need to take some vitamins."

The stroking and Alex's hand in her neck gave her goosebumps and she was suddenly filled with desire. Wanted to pull her close, drown in her arms and forget about all the things that went wrong in her life.

But Alex pulled back instead, throwing her a pissed look.

„Bullshit Piper!" If Alex's eyebrows could talk they would yell at Piper right now. There was a layer of pain behind the anger in her eyes.

„Hey if you don't trust me, fine." It was not fine, not in the least. „But don't you fucking lie to me, ok? Cause I never lied to you."

Piper didn't trust Alex, if she was honest. But right now she wasn't honest.

„I trust you." she lied, and she wasn't really a good liar.

„Yeah, sure. You said I was your girlfriend, right?" Pipers eyes widened, she had forgotten about that already and she didn't quite understand why she was coming up with this right now.

„What? Yeah, I..." but she didn't get any further.

„So if I am, don't I deserve to know if my girlfriend is sick?"

That really got Piper off her feet, Alex had just said that she was her girlfriend, just like that. After Piper had pondered and dreaded asking, Alex had just said it and if the situation wasn't as fucked right now, this would have been the happiest moment in her life.

She took Alex's hand in her's, afraid that Alex might pull back, but Alex didn't.

„Al, I wanna be with you. I really want that."  
„Yeah, I want that too." Alex whispered, making it even harder for Piper to control her heartbeat.

„But" and with that word Alex tried to pull her hand out of Piper's, but Piper didn't let her, for once she was the one in control. „But my life is complicated sometimes and I don't want to get this shit in the way of you and me, okay? Let me keep this seperated. Please trust me, there is no need to be worried, okay?" her voice was soft, nearly begging Alex to understand.

Alex bit her lower lip, her eyes were still full of worry and a little bit of anger, Piper wasn't sure if she would let it go.

„Al, I promise you, I'm alright." she smiled reasuringly and finally got a smile back, a lame one, but better than nothing. Alex leaned forward but instead of kissing her, she leaned her forehead against Piper's and for the first time Piper realized that Alex wasn't looking completely okay as well. She looked rather tired. Piper was really too self-involved sometimes.

„Are you ok?"

Alex had her eyes closed and nodded slightly, wrapping her arms around Piper, pulling her close.

Piper wanted to ask again, wanted to tell her that she could talk to her but the second she opened her mouth, Alex lips were on her's, it was a light kiss, not like those hungry ones from earlier. It was soft and tender and more intimate than every kiss before. There still was the tingly nervous feeling inside of her but there was suddelny something new, something melancholy and at the same time beloved. And a sudden fear that maybe this wasn't going to last forever.

It gave her strength and made her vulnerable.

„I have to go" Alex whispered against Piper's lips and Piper felt like a piece of her was leaving the room, the second Alex left.

It seemed like both of them had their secrets and though Piper really wanted to know everything about Alex, she knew she had to accept that she maybe never would.

* * *

Piper left home really early the next day, avoiding to see anyone of her family. After the talk with the doctor the day before her parents hadn't been leaving her alone until late at night.

Her mother had cried, her father had screamed, they had blamed Piper and themselves before starting to blame each other. Their voices haunted her in her dreams.

„My wife is a goddamn drunk and my daughter is an anorexic."

„It's your fault! You are never at home."

„You are home, why haven't you ever noticed?"

„Don't you ever think about what you do to your mother and me with this behaviour?"

„You work too much."

„The kids are alone way too much."

„My child is not having a therapy."

„What will the neighbors say?"

„You're blaming me? How should she learn to live healthy with you living off wine?"

„Can't you lose weight like other people do?"

„What if Cal sees you doing this?"

„Don't blame the child. It's your fault, you are a crappy father!"

Piper had barely slept more than 4 hours and she felt like an emtpy shell, so when she strayed through the town, killing time until school started, she couldn't help it.

She sat down in an open all night diner and started stuffing herself with waffles, pancakes, eggs, filling up the weakness and emptiness inside her.

But right when she was on the toilett, when she was about to vomit it all out again, she couldn't bring herself to it. The accusations of her parents shutting her mouth close like dried cement.

She felt gross and fat but for the first time in the past half year, she could not take this way of getting rid of the calories, it would gross her out even more.

Leaving the toilet, she put the money on the counter, grabbed her jacket off the stool and left the diner without looking back.

More than anything she wanted to be with Alex right now, wanted to tell her everything, wanted to lie in her arms and have the feeling that everything was gonna be okay, eventually.

But Alex wasn't here, and even if she was, Piper could not tell her anything about it, because as soon as Alex got bored of Piper, as soon as she realized this was all just a big mistake she had made, she would probably turn her back on her. And Nichols was too much of a threat.

So Piper was alone, with no one to talk. Should she call Polly, making her worry even more than she already did? No, she had to deal with this on her own.

It wasn't really cold outside, even though it was so early in the morning, but Piper was freezing, she pulled her jacket closer around her skinny body, being awfully aware of her full belly.

When her phone rang, she thought it was Alex, but when she pulled it out of her pocket and looked on the screen, it was a name she hadn't seen on there for a while.

It wasn't that big of a surprise though, she had kind of waited for that call. She considered not answering, but she knew he would try again and again until she answered, so she pressed the green button and brought the phone to her ear.

„Danny?"

„Hi Pipes." His voice sounded so familiar even through the phone. They hadn't talked in weeks, the time difference and their busy schedules made it hard to stay in contact on a regular basis.

„Hey" Piper's voice was cold, she wanted to show him how little she appreciated his call at this day.

„Mom's called me this morning, well, in the middle of the night on your time. She told me."

He didn't need to say that, of course she had called him, why else would he call her at seven in the morning?

„So you wanna accuse me of anything, too. Go on, just do it, though I hardly believe that there is anything left that I haven't heard last night already." Only then Piper realized how pissed she was at him, that he had left her and Cal in this unbearable family situation, that he had left her to be the big sibling, that she had to play his role now.

„Are you okay, munchkin?" He hadn't called her that in ages and it immediately brought tears to her eyes. His voice was so tender and brotherly, as if he was trying to say sorry, sorry for not being there, sorry for leaving, sorry for everything.

Piper shook her head, although he obviously couldn't see that. She was far from okay.

„Do you wanna talk about it?"

Piper shook her head again.

„Pipes, you still there?"

„Yeah, sorry, no. I … I don't know what to say." she said honestly, snuffling.

„You don't need to say anything. Just... you can call me whenever you want, okay? I'm there for you." his voice was warm and caring like it always was. Piper had just forgotten about it in all the time they hadn't talked.

„Thanks, Dan." She was actually grateful, those had been the first nice words she had heard from one of her family members ever since her big secret had been revealed. Well, one of her big secrets, considering that she had a girlfriend now.

„And munchkin" he said, before he hung up „Don't let mom and dad get to you, they are idiots sometimes. Take care!"

Piper stuffed her phone back into her pocket. Maybe, just maybe she had found a new ally in her chaotic, stressful life.

* * *

 **So after this cliffhanger I didn't want to let you wait for too long and so here I sit in the middle of the night, finishing the new chapter. And here it is, I really hope you like it :)**

 **Thank you all for reviewing my lovelies, your feedback really motivates me to go on with this story (even if it is nearly half past 2 in germany ;))**

 **I wish you all a good night/day XXX**

 **Oh and besides, of course I do not think that eating disorders or any form of mental or physical illness should be considered a weakness, I only wrote it out of Piper's POV, because this is what she feels what it is. If any of you is struggling with those kind of things, please know that you are not weak and you are not alone.**


	14. Chapter 14

The next days went by in a steady rhythm.

Home was a burning hell, burning off her skin until her nerves were blank, sending pain through her body in shocks at the slightest impacts.

When her parents weren't gone working, they were both at home, yelling at each other or at her, accusations were floating through the air like an ugly smell. For so long Piper had dreamed of her parents being more at home, both of them, now that her dream had come true, it became apparent that in realitiy it was a nightmare.

Her parents had started to force her to eat three times a day, sitting down with her at the table, watching every single bite she took and swallowed, not letting her off the hook until her plate was empty and she was feeling disgusting.

Afterwards they locked all bathrooms for hours to prevent her from vomiting again, and they didn't give in, not even when she just had to pee, they stayed hard even when she cried, screamed or broke down. Not even Danny had been able to stop them from doing this. Even though he had tried.

Piper felt like she had lost control over herself, lost control over her body, over her life. She felt disgusting.

It caused her to run even longer hours in the morning, pushing her body even harder to get rid of the calories and the pain. But it wouldn't take long until her parents would start to control her running, too, she assumed.

School had become a weird confusing place. A heavenly hell. A hellish heaven.

All morning it was an inferno, scorching her blank, exposed nerves.

Whenever she met Alex, in the halls, in the classroom, she wanted to smile, wanted to hug her, wanted to kiss her, wanted to feel what she felt when they were alone.

But Alex had mastered the art of pretending not to see her, not to know her. Her cold shoulder was flash freezing Piper's blood.

Piper knew why Alex was doing this. She wanted to protect her and probably also protect herself. That was why she pretended not to like her, pretending like she didn't remember all the smootching between them every afternoon in the prop room.

It was acting, she acted to have no feelings whatsoever for Piper, the problem was, she was good at it. Very good. She was so convincing that everyone was buying it, even Piper.

And it was weighing down on her more and more.

How could this be so easy for Alex?

Piper wanted to be mad, actually she was mad at Alex all morning, was ragingly disappointed and furious and every day she made the decision that today she would tell Alex, tell her how much she suffered from her asshole behaviour when people were around. Give her the choice whether to acknowlegde their relationship, even in front of her sister, or to break up with her.

But as soon as the door fell close and they were standing alone in the prop room, the dull light shining on Alex's emerald eyes and as soon as she felt Alex's lips on her's, felt her hands in her neck or on her hips, all she wanted was to be as close to Alex as possible.

Wanted to feel her body lying on top of her, wanted to see her devouring her with her eyes.

And so she pushed all the negative thoughts and feelings to the back of her head and enjoyed being with Alex.

Not just making out with her, but also their talks, or just sitting next to her watching her reading one of her million books. Being with Alex was like the cure to sadness. As long as they were alone and as long as Piper avoided talking about Alex's sister.

Apart from that topic, and Piper's disease, a thing she still hadn't told her girlfriend (and yes, she still couldn't believe that Alex was really her girlfriend now, at least when they were alone), they could talk about anything. They talked about their dreams and fears, about books and believes, about their childhood, and Piper even told Alex about Rory. Being alone with Alex was like being at home, well the ideal idea of home, not her home.

Feeling Alex's presence was like somebody had turned on a light in Piper's heart.

But every afternoon, as soon as Alex left her sitting alone on the couch, the dying light inside of her was like a physical pain. And so was it today.

It was nearly two weeks after her accident and the scratches and bruises, that brought her a fair amount of insultings, abusive remarks and stupid comments from Nichols and the rest, were almost healed. But the cuts inside of her were gaping wider from day to day.

She didn't want to go home. Didn't want to see her parents, didn't want to eat.

So instead of calling her mother to tell her she was finished tutoring before driving home with her borrowed car, of course she still didn't have the bravey to drive her Mustang to school until her Escape was repaired, she shut off her phone.

Sitting in the car with her phone off, no connection cables attached to her, she felt free for the first time in weeks. The street was a familiar constant, something she could hold on to, driving was the one thing that gave her the feeling of being in control.

And so she drove, drove past the exit to her neighborhood and drove on until she reached the white big house with the red dor where she knew she would find comfort.

„Pipes?!" Polly opened the door only seconds after Piper had knocked and seeing her face was making her feel better already.

Polly knew her so well that one look in her eyes was enough to shut her up and pull her best friend into a hug.

„Come in." She said, taking Piper's hand to lead her to her room. Polly's house wasn't as big as the Chapman's but Piper loved it, it was less sterile, less perfect, more home.

She let herself fall onto Polly's bed, a bed she had been sleeping in when she hadn't been older than five, the bed had stood in another room in another house back then, but it still smelled like Polly, the same smell like back when they were kids.

„What's wrong? Is it your girlfriend again?" Of course Piper had told her about Alex the same day they had become a couple. Other than the bulimia fact which she had kept from Polly, Alex and the whole school situation had been a topic of their daily text conversations and phone calls.

„What did she do?" Polly wasn't a big fan of Alex, even if she hadn't met her in person, everything she knew about her was enough to dislike her already. She sat down on the bed, facing Piper, she took her hand, like she always did to comfort her.

Piper sighed, one part of her, the one that was deeply in love with Alex and hated that Polly didn't like her, didn't want to add fuel to the flames, but the other one, the one that was hurt and mad at Alex, needed to get it out of her system so badly that it won the fight pretty fastly.

„Well there is this rumor in school. Somebody seemed to have seen me writing a text that said I miss you. Of course it was for Alex, but I have changed her name to an X in my phone, because I am not that dumb, you see. Well and now Nichols is spreading the rumor that I'm having an affair with my psychology teacher, which is ridiculous because he is at least a hundred years old and everybody knows that it's a lie. But that didn't keep them from laughing and talking about it all day."

Polly was shaking her head, it wasn't that much of a surprising story, spreading dumb rumors and making everbody laugh about them was one of Nichols' favourite activities.

„How mature." she sighed, stroking Piper's cheek with the back of her hand.

„Well, not that it's something new that Nichols likes to torture me. But Alex, who exactly knows that this message was for her, because she got it and she even answered to it, telling me how she missed me too, she just sat there next to them, listening to all their dumb and insulting bullshit, and she said nothing. She just sat there and didn't even look at me."

The more Piper told about it, the angrier she got. She didn't even give Polly the chance to answer, working herself up into her rant.

„And I mean of course I don't expect her to fucking tell everybody that the text was for her. I never demanded anything like that from her. But she could at least have told her sister to shut up, or tell them that it's not funny and that they are risking Healy's job with defamations like that. But she said fucking nothing, even afterwards, when we met in the prop room she just pretended like nothing did happen. No sorry, no are you ok. Nothing. Can you even believe her?"

She had talked herself into her rant, nearly forgetting to breathe in between. Polly was staring at the matress between them, still holding Piper's hand and Piper knew Polly as good as Polly knew her.

„OK, I know what you want to say. That I knew what I was getting into before I got involved with her and that it was predestined to be that way and that I can't blame her ..."

„No." Polly interrupted her, now looking up in her eyes.

„No?" Piper had been so caught up in her own rage that she hadn't really expected Polly to say anything, instead she was projecting her own selfdoubts and fears onto her best friend.

Polly took Piper's other hand, too.

„No, what I was about to say was... well, maybe you should start demanding things from her. I mean you're her girlfriend, right? Tell her to finally acknowledge that, tell her to tell her sister. You have every right to ask for this, how long does she want to play this game, you can't take this shit from her forever."

Tears had started to roll down Piper's face, because Polly was speaking out loud what Piper had felt and dreaded for days already. She knew she had to stand up against Alex, but she couldn't. She couldn't make her choose between her sister and her because she knew what her decision would be.

„But I can't make her choose between her sister and me." Piper whined, wiping the tears off her face, angrily that they were even there.

„Nobody says you should ask her to choose. She just has to tell her sister and tell her to back off. Then this Nichols bitch has to choose how much her sister means to her, right?"

Polly was standing up from the bed, getting Piper a tissue from the drawer of her nightstand.

When Piper made no effort to clean her face from the runny mascara, she took the tissue out of her hand again, wiping away her best friend's tears, while Piper was just staring into the nothing.

„What are you thinking?"

„What should I do if she just says no?" new tears were running down her face and Polly gave up wiping them away eventually, sitting down on the bed again.

„If she really wants to be with you she has to make a decision, if not... well, then you have to make one. For the both of you."  
„You mean leaving her, don't you?" Piper whispered, although she already knew the answer before Polly nodded.

„I can't. I think I love her." And with that said, she broke down, crying into her best friend's arms.

* * *

When Piper decided it was time to go home it was dark outside already and she hadn't been available to anyone in hours, not to her parents, not to her girlfriend, who texted her every evening, and at this point she thought it was probably the best thing to keep her phone shut off.

Her parents just wanted to keep the control over her and Alex really deserved waiting for her a little.

Had she known how angry her parents were, she would have probably decided otherwise and just have stayed at Polly's instead of going home.

She could hear the yelling before she even got into the hallway. And her first impulse was to turn her heel and run, but she knew that was not an option.

So she took in a deep breath before putting her key into the lock and turning it around to enter hell.

„HOW CAN YOU LET YOUR DAUGHTER WANDER AROUND WITHOUT AN IDEA WHERE SHE MIGHT BE? HAS IT ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THIS WHEN I HAVEN'T BEEN HERE?" her father's voice was sounding through the whole house, even through the closed kitchen door.

On the stairs in the hallway was her little brother, sitting in his pyjamas with his dragon in his arms and wide, teary eyes.

Piper kneeled down in front of him while her mother was yelling how everything was his fault, blaming him for never being home in the background.

Piper took Cal's cold bare little feet in her hands.

„Hey babyboy, you can't sleep with all this yelling, huh?"

Cal wrapped his short arms around Alfred, shaking his head slowly.

He looked so lost and scared, sitting there in this huge hallway he seemed even smaller than he was.

„Cal, everything is gonna be alright, I promise." she said, although she didn't really know if anything was ever getting better. She pecked him a kiss on his forehead, taking in his baby scent, to calm him and to calm herself.

„Go to your room, munchkin, put on some good night story on your cd player, ok? I'll come check on you later. The screaming will be over soon, promise." she whispered to him before watching him toddle up the stairs.

She watched him leave until the door closed behind him. She really wished she could spare him this pain, she wanted him to have a happier childhood than he had lately. At least he was aloud to see friends every afternoon, because their parents were doing everything to get him out of the house. If that was to spare him the drama or to get rid of another problem, Piper had really no idea but she really hoped the first.

Her parents hadn't stopped yelling at each other in the meantime, their accusations getting dirtier and more offensive from day to day.

Her mom's drinking and her dad 'screwing bitches' how her mother called it, were just two of the daily topics. Piper's disease and who has failed more at parenting had become as big a topic as their failed marriage and Piper was feeling the weight of guilt.

And now her being missing all afternoon was fueling the fights even more. Although she didn't really understand why nobody had the idea to just do the obvious and call Polly to ask her if she knew where Piper was.

She knew it was time to intervene, even if it was the last thing she wanted to do right now. So she took a last breath before she entered the living room of hell.

* * *

 **So finishing a chapter in the middle of the night seems to be my new hobby now ;)  
I really hope you enjoyed this chapter, even though there wasn't very much Vauseman. Please tell me what you think.**

 **Thanks my lovelies for still reading and reviewing and supporting me. It means the world to me XXX**


	15. Chapter 15

She had pulled herself together all day. It had cost all her strength not to tear up in class, her whole body ached from exhaustion, lack of sleep, emotional stress and self-loathing.

She felt like her skin had been ripped off her body, felt her flesh exposed to the world, vulnerable, fragile, bleeding.

The obnoxious assaults from Nichols and her gang and the still spreaing rumors about her and Healy felt like claws ripping up her bleeding, wounded body.

When she had finally survived all her lessons for the day, she dragged herself into the prop room, she just had to keep it together for another few hours until she could sit in her car and have her mental breakdown. But she didn't make it so far, as soon as she sat on the familiar couch, that had started to become her and Alex's nest, the weight on her shoulders started to tear her down into the big bottomless pit, deep down in the darkness.

The tears started rolling down her face in streams and she had to sob so hard that she thought she might choke, gasping for air she heard an almost unhuman scream, a sound so full of pain and desperation that she had to stop sobbing for a second, her eyes widened in shock, to locate the suffering creature, that had screamed in pain.

Only then she realized the sound had come out of her own mouth.

And 10 minutes later Alex found her as a crying mess, lying on the couch like an embryo trying to hold herself together from falling apart.

„Pipes?" In only a second, Alex was kneeling beside her on the floor, brushing away the wet hair strands, that had get stuck to her tear-stained face, with her fingertips. „Baby? What's wrong?"

Piper couldn't help herself, instead of demanding the things she should demand, she just wrapped her arms around her girlfriend, throwing herself into her arms.

Alex was sitting on the floor in front of the couch, holding Piper in her arms and kept rubbing her back until Piper had finally calmed down enough to be able to breathe properly again.

Piper had lost track of time, drowning in Alex's arms until she felt less naked, less shieldless.

Alex had not said a word, she had been waiting patiently, holding her crying girlfriend in her arms.

„Wanna tell me now what happened, kid?" she whispered, when Piper pulled back a little to look Alex in the eyes. She sat on top of her legs, straddling her, her arms still slung around Alex's neck.

Alex eyes were like a green ocean and Piper was in danger of drowing in there everytime she looked.

Alex rised her hand to Piper's face, whiping away the tears that still lingered on her face, her hair were a mess by now and Alex tried to adjust them tenderly with her hands by taking Piper's face between her palms and stroking them backwards to get the hair off her still wet cheeks.

All this she did in complete silence, studying Piper's facial expression at the same time.

After she had tucked the last remaining strand of hair behind the blonde's ear, she took her hands back to the hem of her girl's shirt, letting her fingertips wander underneath.

Although Piper still felt devastated, Alex's touch aroused her and send goosebums up her spine. All she wanted right now was to feel Alex's skin to her's, she wanted to feel loved and wanted, she wanted to forget.

Every afternoon they had gone farer with each other, hard partly stripped each other off some of their clothes, had let their hands wander and every afternoon Piper had felt a desire, but she hadn't known if she was really ready, ready to take the next step. And so they had stopped before taking off their bras, had stayed above the belt.

Today Piper needed it, needed to distract her mind, no matter how and so when Alex fingertips stroked softly up her sides, she leaned in, placing a hungry kiss on her girlfriend's lips before moving her lips towards her ear.

„Sleep with me!" she whispered. Her voice was still unsteady from crying, shaking.

Alex pulled back for a moment while her hands remained where they were, her eyes widened a little. She had made it clear more than once that she was totally ready and desiring to have sex with her, while always emphasizing that she would wait until Piper was ready. But she had struggled with the whole pulling herself together thing much more than Piper.

Probably because she was way more experienced than her.

„You're sure?" Alex tried to read Piper's eyes, to read her facial expression. „Do you wanna talk about it?"

But Piper didn't want to talk, she was tired of talking, tired of self-loathing.

„Please, Al, just sleep with me." she almost begged.

Alex hestitated for another second, but then she pulled Piper close, kissing her lips as hungry as Piper had done before.

Her hands wandered further up the blonde's shirt until she finally pulled it over Piper's head.

Piper pressed her body against Alex's, feeling every movement of her girlfriend between her legs, since she was still sitting on her lap.

Impatiently she pulled Alex's shirt off, too and Alex's skin against her's felt like it was the first time she had ever felt that skin. Like thunderbolts.

She took Alex's face between her hands, burying her fingers in those dark raven hair.

Their kiss was familiar and exciting at the same time, wild but intimate.

Soon Alex let her lips wander down Piper's neck, making Piper moan while sucking on her pulse point.

Her fingertips wandered underneath the bra clasp trailing her fingers along the textile before unclipping it while her lips had reached the upper rim of Piper's bra. Letting it fall onto the floor, she started kissing Piper's breasts, her fingers stroking her neck, tenderly, softly.

She had dreamed about this so often, but the realitiy was so different. The bittersweet feeling of desire and lust and love for this one person, who held her heart in her hand, who could have crushed it completely in the matter of seconds.

Piper was flying, hovering over the ground, while her body was lying on the wooden floor. And she didn't just see the dull, mysterious light in the room, she was a part of it. She was a particle of light floating through the air like somebody had finally set her free and pulled the rug out from under her feet at the same time.

Alex hands were strong but soft, just like the rest of her body.

Piper had never seen something so beautiful and she couldn't take her eyes off Alex's exposed skin, her perfect legs that never seemed to end, her toned stomach that was soft and firm in all the right places, the tattoo on her shoulder that belonged to Alex like the beautiful eyes that were so full of life.

Piper held her breathe when Alex finally stripped her off her last garment and she lay there naked, afraid of what Alex might think. Afraid of being judged for her body, that she felt so insecure about.

„Oh my god, you are so beautiful." Alex gazed at her body, her voice had become even raspier, her eyes filled with desire.

Piper felt like set on fire when Alex lay down on top of her, their naked bodies touching in the most intimate way possible.

She heard Alex's heavy breath, felt her lips on her mouth, felt her inside of her and she felt like there was nothing existant on this earth, nothing but them, this moment and this feeling.

And Alex went slowly, went softly, she touched her like she was the most fragile thing on earth and Piper thought she would go insane.

She pushed herself against Alex's body, pulled her closer, pulled her deeper.

And finally, after another minute of teasing, Alex finally gave in to her desire, gave in to her lust.

For the first time in days, Piper didn't feel empty anymore, it was like Alex was filling her empty spots, filling them with her kisses, with her tenderness, with her desire and yes, also with her body.

For a second she asked herself if this had been the reason why she suddenly seemed to be in a hurry, why this suddenly had felt so urgent, if she just needed someone to fill her up, but she pushed the thought to the back of her head, focusing on the feeling of Alex's body.

She wanted to live this moment, wanted to remember it forever and that for it had to be perfect, no doubts, no pain.

She let all her fortresses go down, letting Alex feel every inch of her body, every inch of her soul. And when she came, she came for her, came for everything that was good between them.

It went so deep, consuming her mind, consuming her soul, consuming her heart. And yet, when Alex pulled out, softly and slowly like she had gone in, Piper felt emptier than she had ever felt before.

„My parents are getting a divorce" she whispered against Alex's neck and the tears started rolling down her face again, her heart felt sore and she couldn't believe that she was saying this right now.

Minutes before they had been in a whole other world, she had been floating on the waves of her body and now she just felt crushed. Like the waves had rolled her over and started to drown her.

And again Alex wrapped her arms around her body, kissing the top of her head again and again.

* * *

Alex had gone eventually, Piper knew that she had to, but it still felt like betrayal. After they had made love to each other, after she had broken down twice in her arms, Alex had left her alone. Naked, devastated, lonely.

Piper started freezing and she felt her whole body aching again as she put on her clothes that lay spread over the floor.

With every piece of clothing she felt like crawling back into her shell, into her armor.

But she didn't regret it, sleeping with Alex was the best thing she had ever felt, and it had been the only thing that had been making her feel a little less dead on the inside.

Alex had called her beautiful, she had loved her body, had touched every inch of it, had been inside of it and had been nothing but in awe. She had wanted her and she had taken her.

She had made her feel pretty, had made her feel right and that was more than anyone had ever accomplished in her life.

But there was one thing she hadn't done, she hadn't said. All that Piper wanted to hear was that Alex loved her, she wanted to hear those 3 words so badly, knowing that it was way too early to expect something like this, and maybe it would always be too early or too late.

Piper knew she loved Alex, but she would never say it first.

Once more the prop room held another secret of her's and it had become more of a nest for them as a couple than it had already been. In here she was able to be another person, maybe to be more of the person she wanted to be. In here she was able to be with Alex.

And she just couldn't leave now, couldn't go home to her disfunctional family, yet.

When she sat down on the couch, she still felt Alex's fingers inside of her, it felt a little bit sore, was a little bit painfull, but it was a good kind of pain.

That kind of pain that reminded her of what had happened, reminded her that Alex was real and nothing of that had been a dream.

She pulled her legs close to her body to hug them tight, holding herself together.

The thought of Alex, who was going to ignore her the next day again, denying their relationship, denying how close they were, even closer now, it made her sick to her stomach, she felt so helpless.

Polly had told her to start demanding. But how could she?

Now that she had found the ultimate cure to her emptiness, how could she risk losing that?

And she felt that sex could be a drug, she already started craving it, craving the high.

The withdrawal was gonna kill her, she was sure of that.

For the first time in her life she felt hate. Felt the burning, raging hate eating her up from the inside. She had never wished something bad to happen to anybody, but in this second that she sat alone in the prop room, the smell of sex still hanging in the air, feeling all lonely and desperate, she kind of wished Nichols would die, that she would disappear from her life.

And with these thoughts she also started to hate herself, what kind of person was she becoming. She didn't know herself anymore.

* * *

 **Hey my lovelies, thank you all a lot for reading and being patient even when I can't update more often than once a week.**

 **At first I wanted to write the romantic, perfect first time sex scene, but then I felt like it wouldn't fit this story and those characters. I really hope you liked it, still. Please tell me what you think.**

 **XXX**


	16. Chapter 16

When she had finally found the strength to pull herself together again, she forced herself down the wooden steps to the schoolfloors.

She hated them, even when they were empty and she didn't have to dread what was behind the next corner. But the lockers, the dirty floor tiles were all part of her daily trauma that was weighing down on her every minute of every day.

She passed the first row of lockers when she heard a voice, a familiar one.

There weren't many people she would have accepted seeing her like this, like Polly or Alex, but Alex was at work and Pol was miles away. Piper considered running back to the prop room, hiding for a few more hours until she was really alone in the building, but it was too late already, the voice turned the corner and stood right in front of her, eyes wide.

Larry pushed the red button of his phone and his smile grew wide when he saw Piper standing in front of him. Piper tried really hard not to look at him, not to let him see her puffy, red eyes.

„Piper?" The joy in his voice made Piper wince internally, she kind of felt sorry for the boy, who was so obviously in love with her, while she had sex in the dark with a girl who left her afterwards. Would he have left? Or would he have stayed, held her in his arms?

She erased those thoughts from her brain as fast as possible, but it was too late, she had thought them already and it felt like she was cheating on Alex.

„What are you doing here?" Piper couldn't stand staring on the floor anymore, she looked up, meeting his brown eyes, they were so different from Alex's. And again there she was comparing two people to one another.

„Oh my god, Piper. What happened, are you okay?" Larry's eyes grew wide in shock and compassion and all Piper wanted was someone to hug her, even if it was Larry and Larry did exactly that. It was like he was reading her mind.

He wrapped his arms around her. „Is that ok?" he whispered, being the nice guy he was.

Piper nodded, she fitted perfectly in his arms and when she burried her face in the space between his neck and his shoulder, she could smell his clean, soothing scent.

She wished it was Alex who held her right now.

Alex! She pulled back from Larry's hug, this was wrong, and it was wrong how right it felt.

„Do you wanna talk about it?" Larry asked, his eyes full of worry and compassion.

„My parents are getting a divorce." Normally she was noone who spilled her private life so fastly, but she felt weirdly comfortable around him.

Also this was only part of the reason why she felt devastated and lost and alone. The truth was, she felt guilty, like she was the reason why her parents were splitting up. They had been fighting all night, fighted with each other, fighted with her and had finally made the decision to end it and her father had moved out in that same night.

She really didn't know why she was telling Larry this, but somehow she felt like telling him would make her feel better, would make her feel less lonely.

„I'm sorry Piper." He said and she really believed him, his trustworthy eyes.

„But you know that it's not your fault, right?"

Did he really just say that? Has she said anything about her feeling guilty or was it just written on her forehead. Well, Alex hadn't been able to read it.

When Larry saw her shocked face, he hurried to explain.

„I mean, children tend to think it's their fault all the time. My parents thought about getting a divorce once and I thought it was because of me. But truth is, it's their fault, it's their choice. Nothing we could do could split up our parents if they were really happy with each other. And nothing we could do could hold them together when nothing else is. I'm sorry, I'm talking too much, but..."

He kept talking a little bit longer, saying all the right things about guilt and pain, making her feel awful because, again, she just wished it had been Alex who had said all these right things, that she had needed to hear so badly.

„I'm sorry, but I have to go home. I have to be there for my mum now, you know." Piper stated plainly, she was way too exhausted to have any emotions anymore, she just felt empty and sucked dry. She could have fallen asleep right there in the schoolhalls, her body feeling heavy and aching.

„Yeah, of course. But, Can I drive you home?" He didn't look at her while asking that, his eyes pinned shyly on his shoes. For a second Piper wanted to say no, because she was with Alex and because she didn't want to give him a false impression, didn't want to build up his hope, but then she decided otherwise. She was so tired that she might have fallen asleep in the car and so she just nodded.

His face lit up and he beamed at her overly happy causing her to nearly change her mind again. She felt bad for using him while she hadn't thought about him in days, she actually hadn't thought about him since he last texted her and now she was letting him drive her home.

But her body was too weak to say no to his offer, the tiredness overwhelming her and she actually fell asleep the second she sat on the passenger seat of his car.

„Piper?" He woke her up softly and the watch on her wrist, that she had put on before leaving the prop room, showed her that he had been driving way slower than she normally did. Maybe he was just a slow driver or maybe he wanted to make sure that she felt safe, she didn't know if she wanted that last thought to be true.

„Sorry." She whispered, ashamed that she had fallen asleep, when he had volunteered to drive her home, probably to spend a little more time with her.

„Sorry? What for?"

„Falling asleep."

His smile was so soft and warming that Piper had to smile back, never before had she met anyone so purely nice, he never seemed to have any ulterior motives and he never got mad, even though Piper treated him more like something nonexistant than like the nice guy he was.

„Don't worry, you probably needed that sleep. I'm actually glad that I could help you a little."

Piper couldn't believe how he could be so nice to her. Noone was ever this nice.

She thanked him for driving her home and was about to exit the car already when a thought crossed her mind. She dind't think it through before her mouth started talking.

„Maybe you could pick me up before school tomorrow and I could pay you breakfast somewhere, as a thank you?" She wanted to slap herself as she was saying this, what was she thinking?

Larry looked as if she had asked him to marry her, but then he tried to play it cool.

„Yeah, why not. I mean your car is still on the parking spot of school, so you need a drive anyways I guess." He wasn't pissed when he was saying this because he knew that wasn't the reason Piper had asked him. After all he didn't know that Piper was in a relationship, nobody knew, aside from Polly.

Piper waved him goodbye and watched his car drive off, standing on the porch long after the grey car paint had disappeared behind a corner.

Was this a date?

Her first impulse was to text Alex, tell her that Larry had driven her home, tell her about their breakfast'date' the next morning. She just wanted to hear that it was okay because it didn't mean anything and because Alex trusted her. But she couldn't bring herself to it because deep down she knew Alex wouldn't like it at all.

She walked inside the house, the house that contained her broke family, where two members were missing and wouldn't come back again.

"Mum, I'm home!" she yelled through the closed kitchen door, hoping that her mother wasn't at home, but of course she was. She always was. Since her break down in the middle of the night she had been signed off work. 'To cure her high blood pressure problems, from all the stress at work'

"Come here." She walked into the kitchen were her mother was sitting at the kitchen counter, an open bottle of white wine in front of her and the glass still in her hand.

"Sit down and eat something." her mother said, no hi, no how are you, no how was school. On the table was a full plate of pasta and Piper was feeling sick just seeing it, she was hungry and she knew the food would make her feel better, but just for a short time before she would start hating herself. Not eating was safer.

"Where is Cal?" she asked, ignoring the plate.

"At Tommy's." Carol took the next sip from the whine glass, not even trying to hide her drinking from her daughter anymore and Piper was getting more and more hopeless with her mother. She sent Cal away, again and Piper started missing her little brother, she was so caught up in her own shit that she had been neglecting him too much these past days and she promised herself to change that.

"Now sit down and eat." Carol wasn't drunk enough to forget the new 'healthrules' in the house, yet. But Piper was fed up, fed up with everything.

"I'm not hungry." her voice was extremly close to yelling, the anger ringing through her words.

"I don't care if you think you're hungry Piper, start eating!"

That was the last thing Piper needed to blow her lid. "You know what, mum, maybe I start eating when you stop drinking!" she screamed, shocked by her own voice as it rang through the whole house. But instead of apologizing immediately like the old Piper would have done, she rushed out of the kitchen, kicking the door shut behind her.

She expected her mother to follow her, yell at her, force her to eat. But 10 minutes later she was still sitting alone in her room. Maybe her Mother was more drunk already than Piper had thought. And the more she thought about it the more she felt being in the right. She had stood up against her mother, had finally told her what she was thinking and nothing had happened to her. That gave her such a boost that she was sure she was able now to confront her girlfriend. Well, tomorrow, in person, of course.

She used the sudden, unexpected boost to complete her homework, and she even managed to work through the stuff from her missing day before Cal came home from his friend.

She hadn't seen her mother since her yelling and she thought it was probably for the better, and it was also for the better when Cal didn't have to see his drunk mother. So she decided to keep the promise she had made and spend more time with her brother again.

His little smile was like a cure to her sadness and after she had watched him playing in the bathtub after she had helped him brush his teeth and after she had read him 4 whole bedtime stories, she almost felt happy again.

Watching him fall asleep was reminding her of how tired she was and she would have loved to cuddle up with him and sleep right there in his dragon sheeted bed. But there was something she needed to do, and so she kissed him on the top of his head, taking in his therapeutic scent before leaving his room.

After she had showered herself and lay down in her bed, she stared at the ceiling. It was almost dark in her room, only the moon brightening the white wall next to her bed a little.

She had had her first time today, had been closer to Alex than she had been to anyone before. And still, instead of feeling happy and overwhelmed by her feelings, all she felt was sadness and lonelyness. And she felt empty.

She wanted to have this feeling back, when everything else was background and there were only she and Alex, their naked bodies, close to each other. It had felt like nothing bad was existing in this world.

Earlier she had felt Alex's fingers inside of her, even after Alex had already been gone and she wanted to feel them again. That was why she had decided not to sleep in Cal's bed, because she really needed that feeling back. She kept staring on the ceiling, completely focused on the spot between her legs. She thought that if she tried to remember hard enough, she could feel Alex again. Could feel less empty again.

But she didn't feel it. She tried to contract her pelvic floor, but it didn't change anything.

So she decided to do the only thing that seemed logical in this situation but when she lay there alone on her bed in the dark with her hand between her legs, she felt nothing but dead on the inside. And then she cried herself to sleep.

* * *

 **I am so sorry that I've taken so long, I've been really busy with exams and my internship the past weeks :(**

 **There will be more Vauseman in the next Chapter, promise :)**

 **I know you hate Larry, but I actually think he's kinda cute in here and he is important for the plot. So sorry Larry-haters but I'll try to make up for it ;)**

 **And of course I'm always happy to read a few reviews, so tell me what you liked and what you hated (besides Larry ;))**  
 **XXX**


	17. Chapter 17

"Who the fuck was that guy?" Piper was still in shock after Alex had grabbed her wrist in a painful grip and pulled her after her in the abandoned bathroom on second floor.

A few people had turned their heads when Alex rushed by them with Piper in tow but most of them seemed to think that this was just another torture scene by one of the Nichols, something to be best ignored and so they kept their heads down.

Piper rubbed her red hurting wrist.

"Fuck, Al, that hurt!" she said with a slight layer of anger in her voice. But Alex didn't even acknowledge it, her facial expression was raging angry.

"You're escorted by some random guy to school now or what, you're kidding me right?" there was so much aggressiveness in Alex's voice that Piper couldn't believe this was still the same person that she had shared so much tenderness with less than 24 hours ago.

"Who was that?" Alex crossed her arms and stood threatening in front of Piper, who felt more intimidated than she should, considering that this was her own girlfriend.

"That was Larry, okay? And he has only picked me up because my car was still here and I needed a drive." Piper tried to come to her own defense but she didn't really believe what she was saying herself. And Alex wasn't buying it either.

"Why the fuck is your car here. How did you come home yesterday?"

Piper knew she was screwed, she should have texted Alex, tell her how tired and devastated she had been and that Larry had been so kind to offer her a ride home. Maybe then it wouldn't have been that bad.

"He... " Piper considered running but she knew she had to save her relationship if she didn't want to hate herself for the rest of her life. "He drove me home after ..." Pipper stopped herself before saying it.

"Oh right." Piper hadn't seen Alex this hurt yet and she was close to apologizing but then she remembered how often she had felt shitty because of Alex. And in that moment she just wanted to hurt her, hurt her bad.

"Yes and so he picked me up and we went for breakfast before school." her icy voice was shocking herself, all the hurt feelings floating out of her in that second. Larry had listened to her whining about her parents a whole hour this morning and he had been all nice and understanding. He really liked her and Piper couldn't stand the thought that he seemed to like her more than Alex did.

"What the fuck, Piper." Alex bumped her flat hand against the wall only inches next to Piper's face. Piper jerked, Alex could be intimidating and for the first time Piper could really imagine Alex and Nichols being sisters. But the hate disappeared from Alex face in the matter of seconds.

"Why are you doing this?" Alex voice was only a whisper now, she sounded so weak all of a sudden and Piper hated herself for it but she couldn't help herself. She should apologize, tell Alex she loved her and only her, but she couldn't.

"Because HE listens." she said half sad, half angry.

"Oh listen, that's what it's called now? So tell me was he a good screw? Better than me?" the weakness in Alex was gone, being replaced by cold sarcasm. But Piper wasn't going to give in, not today.

"It isn't all about sex, you know. When he found me devastated, he decided to offer me a ride home and listen to me instead of screwing me." She knew how unfair she was but she couldn't believe Alex really accused her of cheating and she needed to hurt her back.

"Fuck you Piper!" Alex pointed her finger into Piper's face only an inch away from her eye and she leaned in as for a kiss but of course didn't kiss her. Instead she hissed: "You don't get to blame me for that. You wanted to be laid. Hell, you begged me to fuck you! And you fucking loved it." Then she backed off a few meters towards the door.

"But hey if you wanna go back into the safety of liking dick. Fine with me!" and with that she left the bathroom, kicking the door shut behind her.

Piper felt good, well not good but she felt like she had finally stood up for herself. And that was a good feeling. It took exactly one hour and thirteen minutes until it stopped feeling good. For the first time Alex didn't ignore her during break, instead she threw her icy cold glances, not fully able to hide her hurt feelings. And Piper felt shittier and shittier at that sight. She even understood that Alex didn't come to her defence when Nichols kicked her in the knee pit, making her fall and the whole group laughed at her lying on the floor. Alex just passed the scene as if none of these people had something to do with her.

By the time school was over, feeling shitty was the understatement of the year. Piper felt so horrible and guilty that she could as well have slept with Larry, it couldn't have been much worse.

Sitting in the prop room she almost started praying that Alex might appear. She didn't knew why Alex should, they weren't going to have a nice afternoon together, or going to make out, or even going to have sex. Maybe never again. Piper forbid herself to even think about it, threatening to tear up at the thought.

Alex's steps on the stairs sounded so much more careful and slow than usually and when she had finally reached the top of the stairs, she looked miserable and angry at the same time. But she was here and that was all that mattered to Piper, who immediately bursted out in tears.

"You're here." Alex stated rather surprised as if she hadn't expected to see her here and Piper realized that Alex didn't come here to see her, she came because that was what she used to do after school, hiding here to pretend she was taking lessons.

"Yeah, I ... I don't want to fight with you." She wanted to reach out to Alex but she was too afraid to do so, remembering the aggressive look in her girlfriend's eyes ealier.

"Oh come on Piper, you don't know what you want." Alex's words sounded bitter, but not as angry as in the morning. It hurt but Piper knew Alex was hurt too and that it was on her to explain herself, it was on her to do the next step.

"I know it must feel like it. But I know what I want, I want you, I want you more than anything I have ever wanted before. And when I met Larry yesterday all I wanted was for him to be you. I wanted you to be the person who takes me home but you weren't there and he was." Piper had walked towards her girlfried who stood leaned against the railing, arms crossed, eyes sad and angry. "Oh and next time you want sex and he's there and I'm not, you just..."

"No!" Piper closed the gap between them and stood now close enough to kiss her on the lips, theoretically. "I would never, OK? I just couldn't drive home alone, I've had an accident already lately and by the way I fell asleep in his car so that's it, not more not less." She took Alex's hand, carefully and she was more than grateful when Alex didn't pull away.

"And why did you go for breakfast with him?" Alex's voice still sounded bitter but there was also something else in it. It seemed almost like she was begging Piper to have a good explanation.

"I ..." Piper knew she was walking on thin ice and she really didn't want to screw everything up. "I just felt obliged to say thank you. I needed a ride back to school and I didn't want to feel so much like using him." That was true, she just kept silent about the part where she felt like Larry's presence was making her feel special and understood.

"Can we forget this, please?" Now Piper was the one begging, she needed Alex and her to be ok again so badly, she needed Alex, a fact that scared the shit out of her. When Alex didn't answer, Piper leaned in carefully, brushing her lips over Alex's and when Alex didn't pull back Piper put her hands in Alex's neck, pulling her in for a deep kiss.

When they lay naked on the couch afterwards, Piper couldn't help herself. It was as if that fight had set her lose and she asked what she had wanted to ask for weeks.

"Al?" Piper turned around in Alex's arm so that her face was fitting perfectly into the space between Alex's neck and shoulder and her arm lay across her girlfriend's stomach.

"Hm?" Alex was stroking up and down Piper's arm with the tip of her finger while her eyes were closed, her face relaxed again after everything that had happened today and Piper knew she was about to ruin this peaceful athmosphere.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Hmm." Piper took all her bravery and courage in this question. She knew it was risky, it had always been a risky topic between them.

"Why do you never stand up against your sister?" her voice was only a whisper. She expected Alex to get angry, to pull back but Alex didn't even move, for a second Piper thought she hadn't heard her.

"What do you mean?" Alex asked, without the slightest sign of anger.

"You always let her get away with anything!" Piper was still feeling like talking with a grenade, that could explode every moment. But Alex was still calmly stroking her arm as if her sister had never been a difficult topic between them and it encouraged Piper.

"I am not responsible for her."

"But she is your sister, don't you feel responsible when you see her torturing all those people ... And me?"

There was a pause, Piper didn't dare moving, too afraid of waking the sleeping lion. Minutes passed and Piper already thought Alex wouldn't answer anymore at all.

"She is not a monster, you know." Alex's voice sounded deep in thought and full of sadness and for the first time Piper realized how hard it must be for Alex to always stand between her and her sister. "To me she is." Piper whispered.

"I know" the sadness was drooling from those words like rain water in a downpipe. "But you don't know her. Her life hasn't been easy."

"Why?" Piper rolled around, now lying on top of her girlfriend to see her face better. She held herself up with her lower arms on Alex's chest. What could possibly explain becoming a monster? Alex wrapped her arms around Piper, placing her hands on the small of her back.

"I don't think she would like if I told you." she said, still thoughtfull. But Piper actually had to laugh, the first time in hours and it was freeing.

"Al, sorry to break it to you but I guess if she saw me lying naked on top of you, you telling me something about her would be the least of your problems. Or if she saw me doing this." Piper let her left hand wander up and down Alex's body, letting her thumb brush Alex's nipple while kissing her way down her neck.

"No, Nicky wouldn't like that at all." Alex whispered while her breath was getting heavier. Piper started kissing the skin of her girl's belly, wandering lower inch by inch.

"You want me to stop?" Piper teased, hiding how nervous she was. She had thought about doing this ever since she had fallen for Alex but it also scared her like hell. "Don't you dare." Alex moaned, grabbing the armrest behind her head.

"I wanna taste what you taste like." Piper whispered against Alex's soft skin, taking in the caramel scent. Alex moaned and took Piper's face between her hands and pulled her back up to kiss her hungrily. The black white leather bracelett tickled Piper's cheek.

Alex left her again after sex, at least this time she suggested to come over after work to talk. But Piper didn't want her to, she didn't want Alex to meet her drunken mother and of course she couldn't come over to Alex's place although she would have loved to meet Alex's mum. Piper couldn't imagine how hard it must be for Alex to work everyday after school. Alex was never at home before 8 in the evening.

"You won't date Larry again now just because I have to work, right?" Alex had asked before leaving and Piper would have to lie if she claimed that she didn't like Alex being a little bit jealous.

"I'll call you after work." Alex kissed her goodbye and Piper started missing her the second the door fell close.

* * *

 **So what do you think about chapter 17?**

 **I guess at least they started talking about things, finally. And for all of you who started panicking after the last chapter: No matter what happens on the way Vauseman is endgame, so trust me, I know what I'm doing ;)**

 **Please keep reviewing and making me happy. I wish all of you a lovely week XXX**


	18. Chapter 18

The second Piper closed the door of the manor, Cal ran in her direction, throwing himself in her arms. She hadn't been greeted like this in what felt like forever and she realized how much she had missed this.

Lifting the little boy onto her hip, she covered his face with kisses.

„Hey, baby. How was your day?"

And he began babbleing as excited and happily as if it had never been different. Seeing him smiling and fidgeting like this was almost like before her life had gotten this complicated.

It seemed like he had spent the day at home for the first time in days and it seemed like he really had needed this.

„So where is mum?"

„She has played with me nearly the whooooooooooooole time today."

That surprised Piper, her mother barely ever had time to spend time with her son and Cal was so used to keep himself busy even with his 5 years. The last time she had really spent all day playing with him was at least two years ago, before her dad had started cheating, when her mum wasn't working, yet, or drinking.

„Really? And where is she now?"

She had walked into the empty kitchen while Cal was telling her about his day. Her mum was not there, and the empty bottles of the last days were gone.

„Mummy told me you would be home soon, she had to go to work."

Work? Her mum hadn't been working in days, to work she had to be sober, a state she had barely been in lately.

„Wow okay, ehm, so you've eaten already?"

Cal nodded and fidgetted with his legs until Piper let him down on the ground again, then he immediately ran off to play with the cars that lay spread on the living room floor.

A spot where they were normally not aloud to be.

Piper went into her room to put down her bag and to process what was just happening here. Her mum had spent her time with her little brother and she had gone to work.

She threw her bag on the ground, a thing she never did, she always needed everything to be in order, but today was upside down already, so why bother.

Then she noticed the brochures on her desk. She had had a lot of brochures lying on her desk lately. But this one was new. There were two of them and a sticky note sticking to one of them.

Piper sat down at her desk, taking those brochures in her hand.

The first was one she had already seen, it was a brochure for a local support group for bulimics. The second one she hadn't seen yet. It was a flyer for a local alcoholics anonymous group and the yellow note on top said 'Maybe we'll both try to change for the better.'

It was her mother's handwriting.

The tears started rolling down her face, she felt her emotions overpowering her. Burriyng her head in her hands, she let her feelings take control of her.

But she hadn't much time to drown in her tears before her brother entered the rest of her afternoon, keeping her mind busy until the doorbell rang.

Her mother was not supposed to come home until at least ten and it was only eight so when Piper opened the door, carrying Cal on her arms, she had no idea what to expect.

„Hey" Alex's smile was kind of shy as she was standing in front of the door with a coffee in hand.

„Look I know you told me not to come over, but I..."

Being shy was so cute on somebody who was so badass like Alex and Piper couldn't help but to pull her into the hallway. She would have loved to kiss her right then and there but she was not planning on making her life complicated again just after it finally seemed to get better.

„Hi Cal." Alex grinned at the little boy, who smiled back at her and started fidgetting again to get Piper to let him down. Then he grabbed Alex's hand and pulled her up the stairs towards his room. Alex just turned back her head to Piper with a laugh on her lips.

Piper followed the two of them and watched as Cal made Alex learn the names of all his stuffed animals.

After twenty minutes of watching the two of them interact, Piper was close to melting.

She loved how cute Alex was while listening to Cal's babbleing and saying hi to every bear, turtle, dog, dragon or giraffe he was introducing to her.

Seeing her like this only made Piper fall for her even harder and she couldn't stand to watch any longer.

„Calyboy, I have to abduct your new best friend from you now. You go brush your teeth okay? I tuck you in later."

Cal pouted but then he nodded at the prospect of being tucked in by his sister.

Piper pushed the door close as soon as Alex had entered her room and pushed her against it to place a hungry kiss on her lips.

„Hey" she whispered, after she had backed away from the kiss.

„Hey" Alex whispered back, biting her bottom lip while throwing her a devouring look.

Piper leaned in, kissing Alex again as they moved over to the bed.

„I don't think this is a good idea with your brother in the next room." Alex whispered, trying to calm her breathing and in that second the door went open and said little brother was standing in the doorframe.

"Cal!" Piper grouched, pulling her shirt down that had rucked up in the front during their little make out session. "We've talked about knocking!" Piper climbed over Alex who was adjusting her clothes as well.

Not reacting to his sister's gruntings, Cal just stared at the two blushed girls who threw each other uncomfortable looks. Piper took his hand and kneeled down next to him.

"Say good night Alex."

"Good night Alex." Cal waved his tiny hand before pulling Piper after him into his room.

"Good night, Cal." Alex yelled after them trying not to burst out laughing.

Tucking Cal in, Piper explained to him that he could never ever tell mum or dad or anybody else about Alex. "Don't even tell that she was here. That's our little secret, ok?" she whispered, kissing his forehead. Cal nodded, barely able to keep his eyes open, Alfred pressed to his chest. "I like her." he whispered before he finally went into the land of dreams.

"So do I." With a last look on her sleeping little angel she closed the door silently behind her, a smile on her face.

Alex sat on Piper's desk when she returned to her room. And then she froze in the doorframe, staring at her girlfriend who was reading the bulimics brochure right now, the other one from her mother with the sticky note on top in her other hand. Piper felt her heart fall to the floor. "What are you doing?", she yelled, ripping Alex the paper out of her hands, leaving a small cut on Alex's palm. "Fuck, Pipes!" Alex scolded, examining her hand. "I'm sorry calm down okay?"

But Piper didn't think of calming down she was in panic. "You always snoop round other people's stuff?" She felt the tears dwelling in her eyes again, would Alex leave her now that she knew? Alex was intelligent and it was not hard to put two and two together in that Situation. And now she was also yelling at her, making it even more obvious.

"I think you should go now." Piper rather whispered than said, she was too afraid her voice might break if she used it.

"I thought you wanted to hear Nicky's story?" Alex sounded hurt by Piper's attack. And her eyes were staring at the floor, Piper wanted her to go but she also wanted her to stay. She didn't know what to do and so she did the same as Alex and kept staring on the floor.

Alex was the one who finally broke the silence. "I'm sorry, Pipes. Can we just pretend like I didn't read that?" Her raspy voice was extraordinary weak for Alex. Sitting down on the edge of her bed, the brochures still in hand, Piper nodded.

None of them said a word for a while, the uncomfortable atmosphere growing thicker and thicker until it was unbearable. "So Nic...hols?" Piper couldn't bring the nickname Alex used over her lips. "Nicky." Alex answered, being very aware of Piper's difficulties to say that name.

"I thought she didn't like if you told me?" Piper didn't want to sound so pissed but Alex scolding her for not calling her nemesis by her nickname made her fume inside.

Alex's answer wasn't less angry. "Yeah, well I don't like my girlfriend hating my sister."

It was the first time Alex had actively called Piper her girlfriend and Piper really wished she had done it in another context. Commitment was something Piper really wanted from Alex and the constant feeling of being replacable wasn't getting better by the fact that they were hiding their relationship. So when Alex said 'my girlfriend' it made Piper ridiculously happy.

"Okay, so tell me." Piper sighed, not sure if she wanted to hear this. On the one hand she was sure that nothing would change what she was thinking about that girl, there was no excuse for torturing people. But on the other hand Piper really didn't want to see a human in that monster.

"Well like I said, her life hasn't been easy. She didn't grew up like you. We never had money and she was left by her dad." Alex still sat on Piper's desk, swinging her left leg to and fro carefully with her right hand tucked under her right tigh. She looked pretty insecure.

"You never had a dad too." Piper said aggressively, not understanding how that could turn someone in such an asshole.

"Yeah but my dad just never wanted kids. I was an accident that he flew from, that had nothing to do with me. But Nicks... . Her dad wanted a kid he just didn't want her."

"Wait, what?" Piper was confused as much by what Alex was saying as she was by the insecure, shy behaviour that she'd never seen in her girlfriend before.

"He and my mum had planned her, they had been overly happy when my mum got pregnant. But then when she was born... He just couldn't manage having a disabled child. He tried apparently, at least according to my mum but after six months he left my mother with a diseased kid and a broken heart."

"Disabled?" Piper never knew or noticed anything unnormal or unhealthy about Nichols, if you don't count being an asshole as a disease. Alex swallowed, the words coming strangely out of her mouth.

"Nicky was born with a severe heart disease. She had spent her first year of life in different hospitals and had 5 open heart surgeries until she was ten. That's why she is in the same grade as you and me. She had missed so much school because she was too sick and weak to go there every day."

"And her dad left because of her?"

Alex nodded, sadness and pain in her eyes as she remembered. "Yes. Me and Nicky found his letter when we were in 5th grade. The letter he had left as a goodbye. He wrote that she loved my mother but that he couldn't live a life that revolved about nothing but a sick child. That he had dreamed his life to be more than that."

Alex's words sounded bitter and Piper could imagine how devastating it must have been to read something like that about yourself or even about somebody you loved.

"And her surgeries and therapies costed so much money that Nicky still feels guilty for us never having any. She thinks she is the reason that my mum is working all those horrible jobs and that she is alone. She is not a monster, okay? She just tries to save herself from being hurt again." That last sentence sounded like a blame and although Piper understood Alex being protective of her sister, she still felt the anger rise in her.

"Okay maybe she is not a monster" she said, barely able to hide her feelings. "But none of this is an excuse to make other's people life hell. Only somebody who has never been bullied can use that as an excuse." Piper knew her accusations were harsh but she just couldn't stand listening to Alex actually defending her sister's bullying.

„You really think I don't know what it's like being bullied. Or Nicky doesn't know?" Now Alex got mad, too. She jumped off Piper's heavy wooden desk, planting herself in front of Piper, who was still sitting on the edge of her bed.

„You have no clue Piper. Nicky was the smallest, yet oldest child in the whole class. She was weak and sickly and had a scar over her whole chest. You don't think she was just what the bullies were waiting for? She was the victim through all of elementary and most of middle school until she turned it all around. And just so you know being the sister of the sick child is not fun either."

Alex really seemed to be pretty pissed at Piper's accusations but Piper was not less angry.

„You know what it's like? That only makes it worse. If you know what it's like, then how can you watch her do this to other people. Do this to me?" Piper was hurt and nearly crying again, but she didn't want to. The tears in her eyes only made her angrier, she didn't want to cry in front of Alex now.

„She is my sister, Piper. And sometimes offence is the best defence okay? I have always been the older sister while being two years younger. I am the one to protect her and if she thinks she needs to make herself unassailable then I am not the one to make her vulnerable. She is not a monster, she s just a victim who is fed up with being small and weak."

A part of Piper understood what Alex was saying, but she didn't want to. She didn't want to feel sorry for her bully.

„But I am fed up, too."

Now Alex sunk down next to Piper, all the anger in her dying and making place for exhaustion.

„I know Pipes." she sighed, leaning her head onto her girlfriend's shoulder. „What shall I do?"

* * *

 **So this is chapter 18.**

 **Thanks a lot for your reviews, all of them really. When I saw how much thought and emotions some of you put into reading this I really felt honored. All this anger you have for Alex and your wanting Piper to finally stand up for herself is really what I want you to feel, what I myself am feeling while writing this.**

 **But please don't say I missed opportunities for writing something, because I don't think that this is what it is. Everything I write I write on purpose and for a reason, of course I could bring this story to an end in maybe another 3 chapters but that is not what I want. I know what you mean with walking in circles, but that's how it's supposed to be. Life IS walking in circles, repeating the same mistakes over and over and having a hard time finding an exit for yourself.**

 **That is what I intend, the desperate feeling of STOP LETTING HER DO THIS TO YOU.**

 **And I promise you the story is evolving from here, I don't want it to get boring, but I wanted the reader to feel Pipers desperation, to feel angry because she never manages to fight enough, because that is what Piper herself is feeling. She is angry at herself, too.**

 **So if I managed to convey that, I would be happy.**


	19. Chapter 19

Piper was so tired of fighting alone, she wanted Alex to finally take the lead for her, for them.

„You have to tell her." She stated, her voice more in controll than she had thought it to be.

Alex raised her head from Piper's shoulder, looking at her with big, shocked eyes. She wasn't used to Piper demanding things, she wasn't used to Piper standing up for herself.

„What?"

Piper stood up from her bed, sitting down on her desk and it felt like they hadn't only physically changed positions. Seeing Alex being jealous and hurt had set something lose. Because Alex cared, there was no denying and doubting it anymore, Alex cared and that gave Piper the courage to start going into this fight. If Alex wouldn't stand up for her now, she probably never would.

„Tell … Nicky" she nearly spit that name out „that you are with me now. Tell her to back off!" Piper had never felt that brave before.

„You are kidding me, right?" Alex was getting angry again but at the same time she seemed to be tired and exhausted, the way Piper had felt for days and Piper had to struggle hard not to get weak again.

„Why, Alex? What is the big deal with being honest? Are you that ashamed of me?" Piper couldn't stay sitting on that desk, she was way too upset, so she jumped off it again, now standing in the room, not sure what to do with her hands or with herself in general. But she promised herself to not cry again in front of Alex, not this time.

„Ashamed? Is that what you think this is about?" Alex stood up from the bed, walking up towards Piper, taking her hand in her's. „Babe, I'm not ahsamed of you." she whispered, leaning in to kiss her on the lips.

„Don't." Piper whispered, not trusting her voice to be strong enough. She backed off, pulling her hand out of her girlfriend's because she knew she wouldn't be able to stay strong if Alex stayed this close to her, if she could smell her and feel her warmth radiating.

„Don't make me go easy on you."

„Go easy on me? What is this, I am your enemy now?" Alex was not trying to close the gap that Piper had teared between them.

„No, but you are not on my side either."

„I am not taking sides in this." Alex shook her head, sitting down on the bed again. But Piper didn't intend to cut her some slack, she had gone too far to back out again.  
„Yes, you are. By letting me carry the can for this shitty situation. Why don't ever confront her with what she does? You are taking sides Alex, not doing anything is doing something, too."

„Because Nicky needs me on her side, she is my sister." Alex rised her arms and let them fall on the matress again, they were trying to keep their voices down to not wake Cal or the whole neighborhood for that matter, but Alex's voice was close to yelling.

„I need you on my side too, Alex." Piper grabbed the brochures that had fallen to the floor in front of the bed and shoved them nearly into Alex's face. „I need you on my side too."

„You're saying this is my fault? Fuck you!" Alex hissed, jumping off the bed again.

„No, but you are not fucking helping."

„How could I, you fucking didn't want me to know. So much about honesty, huh?" Alex ripped her the brochures out of her hand, waving them around. „You talk about being honest and taking sides while you don't even have the guts to tell me you're sick. I don't even know what we are if we don't talk about things like this. So what am I supposed to tell Nicky about what we are?" Alex had been getting quieter and sadder during her speech and Piper actually saw tears dwelling in her eyes.

„You're acting like this is all easy for me, like I am not suffering from this situation. You think you are weak and need me. But you are so much stronger than her, okay? You don't even need me."

„What do you mean I don't need you. I just said that I need you." Piper threw her hands up in the air in desperation.

„If you needed me, you would have told me about this." Alex held up the brochure again, a tear rolling down her face.

„And how you dare pressuring me into coming out? You haven't come out to your family either, have you? So stop being so damn righteous!"

Piper had been close to give in, seeing Alex cry, but that accusation ripped her apart in the middle and all her frustration floated out of her again.

„I am righteous? You watch your sister bullying everybody in school and think it's ok, because she, like many other children in this world, had a tough childhood, but I am righteous? I love you Alex, but this is not ok."

„You love me?" Alex stood there, like struck by light, a smile playing on her lips.

„Don't change the subject Alex. You know what, I will come out. I will tell my mum tonight and I will call my dad and my brother right in the morning, but then you have to do it, too. Because if you don't, I have no idea how to carry on with this."

„You're threatening to break up with me?" Alex voice was still, like silence before the storm maybe, but Piper had no idea what was going on in Alex's mind.

„Would you care?"

„Would I... What? Piper you really have no clue, do you?" Alex was standing in front of her, taking her face in her hands. „I have never had a girlfriend before. I had girls. I'm not the one who has a girlfriend. But you are my girlfriend, YOU are my girlfriend."

Alex kissed Piper on the lips and for a second Piper felt weakening, but it felt so wrong, so she backed out of that kiss even if she wanted it to feel right.

„No. That is not enough!" Piper whispered, swallowing the tears down that were threatening to come up.

„That's all I have." Alex voice was breaking as she said it and Piper's heart was breaking, because that meant they never had a chance. „What more do you want from me, Piper?"

„I want you to be on my side."

Piper wasn't begging, she knew it was no use. She wanted Alex to see herself that telling Nicky was the only option for them to have a future. She had made her point clear and all that remained for her to do was to wait.

„You should leave now Alex, it's late." She felt that she didn't have the power to remain strong any longer, she needed Alex to go, so she could have her breakdown.

The second the front door closed, the tears started rolling down Piper's face. She pushed down the regret that had started building up inside of her like half an hour ago, she knew she had put her whole relationship at risk. But she was feeling like dying on the inside, she felt like her relationship was putting her health at risk and she needed to finally stand up for herself.

Now Piper had to wait, wait for Alex to decide, wait for her mother to come home. She had made her decision and the constant wait was driving her nuts. It was dark outside already and it had started to rain. Piper watched the raindrops racing down the windows while she was sitting in the dark on the white couch next to the cold empty fireplace. It was almost meditative, the sound of the wind in the trees and the drops against the window. Piper was freezing, her legs pulled tight to her body to hold her together weren't warming her enough but she was too nervous to go upstairs to get a blanket and she didn't want to miss the moment her mother came home.

It was half past eleven already when she finally heard the key in the lock and her mother walked into the kitchen, turning on the light. She jerked when she saw Piper sitting in the livingroom. "Jesus! Piper why are you sitting in the dark?" Her voice was nicer than usual and Piper knew she was trying to make up for the past weeks and months and it gave Piper the courage she needed. "Can I talk to you?" Her mother nodded, nervousness flashing in her eyes, but she sat down on the other couch, facing her daughter who felt like she was getting sick.

"What is it?" Carol broke the silence, worry in her voice and Piper couldn't remember the last time her mother has actually been worried about something else than what the neighbors might think. "I'm gonna go to this group." Piper said, chickening out. It was the only thing she could think of in her panic. The smile on her mother's face was so bright and new that Piper couldn't destroy it with the truth, not today. And so she enjoyed her mother's happiness as she stroked her head like she had done when Piper had still been small. Carol even pecked her on the forehead while telling her she had her first AA meeting the next day sending tears to Piper's eyes. This crying thing was really getting out of controll.

Her mother was almost out of the room when Piper was overwhelmed by the feeling of wanting to kick herself into her chicken butt.

"Mum, wait. That's not what I wanted to tell you." She didn't want to be as coward as Alex, she wanted to be the brave one. Carol sat down on the sofa again, the worry back on her former smiling face. Piper had to close her eyes to find the courage she needed. She tried to take a deep breath but it got stuck in her troath meeting her racing heartbeat there.

Piper wiped her sweaty palms over her pants, there was no way back now.

"I met someone."

Carol's eyes got even brighter than earlier when Piper had told her she would attend the counseling group.

"Oh Piper. That is so nice, I was afraid you'd never get a boyfriend. What's his name?" Piper closed her eyes again she didn't want to see her mother's smile vanishing at the revelation.

"Her name is Alex." Her voice was not as strong as she had hoped it to be, seemingly she had used all her strength in the fight with Alex.

"I beg your pardon?" Piper's heart dropped on the floor, saying it a second time was nothing she felt capable of. And she didn't need to. "You mean to say you are dating a girl?"

Piper couldn't say anything, she felt like somebody had kinked a knot into her throat that threatened to choke her.

"Is this some kind of revenge for your father and me getting a divorce?"

"What?" Piper pressed through her knotted throat. She felt like standing at the edge of a deep dark pit.

"Are you trying to punish us for getting a divorce?" her mother was deadly serious.

"No." Piper nearly yelled. The situation was absurd, they hadn't talked this much in weeks, now they were sitting in the poorly lit living room, facing each other like patient and counselor. Piper was unable to say who was who, her mother looked as unfomcortable with the situation as Piper felt. "Then why have you suddenly decided to be gay?" The knot in Piper's throat exploded from the hot anger that was boiling in her.

"What the fuck? I have not DECIDED to be gay! This is not s decision!" the fact that she wasn't even sure if she was gay she kept to herself, it was confusing enough already. "Also this is not sudden! I knew I'm like this for three years!" whatever 'this' was. "I've been in love with Rory. I kissed her!" Piper had no idea why she was telling her mother this, she felt like being in a bad movie with a very lame script. Her mother shook her head, she didn't really seem angry, not amused either but Piper had actually expected her to freak out.

"I never liked this girl." Carol mumbled, referring to Rory, and Piper couldn't help herself, she had to laugh. About the absurdity, about her mother's reaction, about herself because she really had thought that her mother's opinion would matter. Her mother had never liked anything Piper did aside from learning. So why should it matter now what she thought.

If she was accepting her, perfect, if not, so it be.

"What's so funny Piper?"

"Nothing, mum. Well, I just wanted you to know." She stood up from that sofa, waving her hand in her mother's direction without even looking at her, she had been honest and she had told her, that was all that mattered to her. „Good night, mum."

„Good night Piper. And I am really glad you will go to this group." her mother tried a smile, that was almost convincing and Piper was actually glad, that was more thanshe had been hoping for.

* * *

 **I am very sorry for not updating so long. I've been really missing inspiration the last days :(**

 **Thanks again for all your reviews, you people are amazing! Much love XXX**


	20. Chapter 20

Piper closed her bedroom door behind her.

Her mother hadn't been overly supportive of her but that was nothing she had actually expected. In fact her mother had been nicer and calmer than Piper had hoped. And she had taken her time to listen to her, completely sober; so after all Piper was confident that she had done the right thing. Before she slipped under her sheets she took her phone in her hand, typing a message to her girlfriend.

She hesitated long before she hit the send button, not knowing if it was the right decision to push her any further. But finally she decided to do it.

To: X

I told my mother. It's your turn. Please Al.

Piper felt like having played her last ace and having put her fate completely into Alex's hands. There was nothing she could do now. When she lied down in bed and stared at the white ceiling, pictures of Rory mingled with those of Alex. Back then she had been on Rory's hook just like she was on Alex's now. She had hung her heart on a string from the ceiling like a punchbag ready to be smashed, she had been ready to put her heart at stake and now she had to pray that Alex wouldn't treat it like Rory had done.

Right before she finally fell asleep, the picture of Larry flashed in front of her face. He didn't cause this scaring, dreading feeling inside of her, he made her feel safe. Sadly he also didn't cause this hot, tingleing feeling like Alex did or Rory had done. It was like her heart wanted what her head knew wasn't the savest choice and her head wished her heart would choose what was less dangerous.

It was a constant fight that haunted her into her dreams and through the night.

* * *

When Piper got back from her early morning run, sweating and panting, her stomach was twinching and grumbling from hunger. She felt like throwing up from pushing herself too hard, from running too fast but there was nothing inside that she could have thrown up.

She entered the kitchen after a shower, where her mother and Cal were sitting at the kitchen counter, eating cornflakes out of huge bowls. Piper hadn't seen her mother eat cornflakes ever and the sight was making the corners of her mouth go up. Her mother silently patted the chair next to her and Piper hadn't to be asked twice, sitting down. Cal reached her a bowl and for the first time in months she had breakfast that didn't make her feel sick to her stomach. Noone mentioned Alex, yet everyone knew about her and the silence was not awkward but familiar and Piper knew it was okay.

Until the first break Piper was studying Nichols' and Alex's faces, was trying to read in them if Alex did it, if Nichols knew. But their faces were like stone, like a monument carved into stone a hundred years ago.

Piper could barely focus on the lesson, in her mind she saw herself standing up from her chair, climbing on top of her desk. All eyes pinned on her as she took a deep breath and their mouths gaped open as she proclaimed her never ending love for the ravenhaired girl in the last row. Alex would join her on the desk and pull her in for a intense kiss and Nichols would scream and kick up a stink but everybody would ignore her, finally causing her to shut up for ever.

Her daydream was so absurd that Piper had to suppress her laughter. But just for a second, before she felt the nervousness again.

She didn't know what was making her more anxious, the possibility that maybe Nichols knew everything and was about to rip her apart or that maybe Alex hadn't told her and Piper had to break up with Alex if she wanted to be consequent. Something she didn't think she was able to.

Or the fact that she had promised her mum during breakfast to attend to the bulimics support group this afternoon.

That was the reason why she couldn't wait until after school to ask Alex if she had done it. She had to pull her into a bathroom in the break, something that seemed to be an impossible task considering that Nichols was always in reach.

It shouldn't be that frightening to get a talk wih your own girlfriend.

After a billion different scenarios that she had played in her head, she was even more horrified than before. Being the joke of the whole school and losing a limb through a Nichols-attack were only two of the scenes she saw happening.

She wished she could just pin a note on Alex's locker, but a person who barely ever listened to a single word a teacher said was not the kind of person that went to her locker during a break. Piper didn't even know if Alex had or locker, or where.

So when the schoolbell rang at the end of the lesson her heart was beating in her throat and she felt sick to her stomach. How could speaking to your own girlfriend cause such terror inside a heart.

But Piper knew she had to make it, she knew she couldn't wait until tomorrow.

Passing Alex in the halls, she grabbed her wrist, pulling her after her towards the stairs to the second floor bathroom, she ignored Nichols' „What the fuck!", she ignored all the heads that turned towards them. And she ignored Alex's questioning eyes.

„Piper? What are you doing?" Alex rubbed her wrist and Piper nearly laughed at the sight. It had only been yesterday when the situation happened the other way round. But she didn't feel like laughing.

„I have to know. Did you do it?" Piper leaned against the wall, needing the support to hold her upright, scared that her legs would give up on her.

„I did." Alex said, still rubbing her wrist. The way she stood there in the middle of the bathroom, looking at her red hand, she almost looked small.

„You...you did?" Piper realized that she hadn't expected Alex to really do it. Her whole body had prepared itself for the disappointment.

„Yeah, I told my mum."

Alex's voice wasn't as confident as Piper knew it, almost as if she knew she had fucked up.

„What?" Piper thought she was hard of hearing, her knees being weak under her weight.

„I told my mum." Alex's raspy voice rang through the bathroom and bounced off the tiled walls.

„I told her that I have a girlfriend and that she is smart and beautiful and that she'll be a Harvard student." Piper felt Alex's hands around her waist, something Alex had never done before in a place where Nichols could walk in on them. Actually Piper was kind of confused that the Nichols' gang hadn't been checking on them yet, after they saw her pulling Alex away from them. But she hadn't really minded what Alex was doing or saying while she had pulled her in here. Maybe she had signaled them somehow that it was okay and she could handle this on her own. She didn't know, maybe they were just assholes.

Piper pulled away from the hug, not buying Alex's flirty advances.

„You're kidding me right? How is telling your mother solving any of our problems?" Piper didn't want to yell, but her voice was louder than she wanted it to be, the anger ringing like churchbells on a sunday.

„You were supposed to tell your sister. You were supposed to put an end to this whole hiding thing!"

She couldn't believe that she had really thought for one second that Alex had told her sister. That she had stood up to her. How dumb had she been.

„I told my mother Piper. That is more than I have done for any girl in my life okay?" Alex pushed her glasses to the top of her head.

„Isn't that a little bit sad Alex?" Piper couldn't help herself, she normally wasn't a sarcastic person, but Alex was really pushing her.

„Piper, you could at least give me some time, okay? This isn't fucking easy!"

Alex wasn't yelling but her voice was oozing pugnacity. Piper knew they were on the edge of an eternal fight, yet she had to push them farther to the edge.

„How much more time do you need. How much more signals do you want to overlook? I am tired!"

"I don't know just give me a few fucking days. I'm waiting for the right moment, okay?" Piper was so fed up with waiting, fed up with excuses, even a little fed up with Alex.

"You'll have time until monday. Then I'm done."

She thought Alex might yell, freak out and get mad but all Alex did was shrugging her shoulders. "Fine." Then she left the bathroom only a few seconds before the bell rang for second lesson.

Piper waited one or two minutes until the noise in the halls had vanished a little, then she opened the skanky door with her foot, kicking it open wide enough to go through without having to touch it. Alex had just gone through, not caring about touching it. Piper was so focused on the picture of Alex walking through the door that she didn't look on where she was going.

When someone grabbed her wrist she first thought it was Alex, getting mad now because of the deadline. But when she was pulled behind the row of lockers, she recognized the red hair that glowed like a red warning light which told her to run.

"Stay away from Alex, bitch!" Nichols hissed., while pushing her against the wall.

"What?" Piper was in shock, pain shooting through her back when her protruding bones hit hard against the wall. Fear was crawling through her guts and leaking through every pore. She was sure Nichols could smell it.

"I said, don't mess with her or I will be your worst nightmare."

You already are, Piper thought, pressing her lips together to not say something stupid. She could feel the cold wall behind her with every vetebra, there was nothing in between that could have relieved the pressure that hurt her bones.

Nichols pulled her at her shirt, pulling her away from the wall a few inches before pushing her back against it, the impact pressing all air out of Piper's lungs and she gasped, losing balance when the ginger let go of her.

She watched the girl walk away, sitting on the cold floor while trying to get some air. She tried to put the stone back into her walls, exactly where the humiliation had ripped it out, had made her weaker. Her wall had to be flawless to be able to protect her, a task that seemed to be an impossible life's work. She felt naked. Her back hurt and her muscles were sore from fear. This was unbearable and suddenly she was afraid what might happen if Nichols actually knew what was really going on between the two of them. Could it get any worse?

Instead of going back to class, Piper decided it was best to go home, do some studying on her own and then go to the meeting. Best to prevent a second encounter with Nichols and be far far away from her.

* * *

Piper was normally not an aflutter person, but right now she was bobbing her knee up and down to channel her nervousness. She pulled her sleeves over her hands, staring on the seams as if it was the most interesting thing in the room. She avoided looking at anybody, not wanting to look in those stranger's faces.

She had been told she didn't have to say anything if she didn't want to and so she was sure already she would not say a single word.

She wasn't even sure why she was here. She didn't want to talk and she surely didn't want to listen to some teenage girls whine about their tragedies.

So why even bother looking at them? She wouldn't come back here. She would get through this one and a half hour and then never come back.

„Would you start?" the voice of the group leader sounded through the room and Piper waited silently for someone to start talking, still focused on her seam.

„Well, most of you know me already I guess."

Piper knew this voice, she knew it. Her heart dropped to the floor, doing a few weak beats before it crumbled into pieces.

* * *

 **Whoa, so this was chapter 20 already. When I started this, I didn't think that this would get so long, but all your reviews, your thoughts, your critiques, your words made me dig into this story deeper and deeper, made me look into my characters more. So this story has become more than I had expected.**

 **Thanks a lot for that, it is really everything I could have asked for. So keep thinking about my story, keep reading, keep reviewing, keep criticizing, keep making me dig deeper :)**

 **You are the best XXX**


	21. Chapter 21

„My name is Victoria, I'm 17 and I've been bulimic ever since I'm 14."

Piper couldn't listen to the content. All her attention was drawn to that voice, that rang through her body like a warm summerbreeze which still made her shiver like in the coldest of all winters.

She didn't have the courage to look up, scared of what she might see, of what feelings might struck her if she met those green gruelsome eyes. Those eyes that never let go off her, that pulled her deep down in an ocean where it was impossible for her to breathe.

This moment had haunted her in her dreams, half time the sweetest dreams of all, while the other times the haunting, horrific nightmare that left her sweating and shivering from fear.

When she had finally finished talking about whatever it was she was talking about, something about her illness and her parents or stuff, - Piper really hadn't been listening - another girl started talking and Piper found the courage to rise her eyes from the hem of her sleeve towards the girl sitting on the other side of that circle of chairs.

She said on that brown, dull wooden chair, in a room where the paint was spalling from the walls and the sun was merely shining through the dirty windows and yet she seemed to have a kind of glow around her.

She looked exactly like she had always done, she hadn't changed and at the same time she was looking totally unfamiliar, if any at all she had gotten even prettier.

And she hadn't seen Piper yet, at least it seemed like it. Her eyes were focused on the girl talking, she was attentively listening to the girl's story, she nodded when she understood and furrowed her brow when she wasn't totally content with the words.

Piper could read in her face like in an open book, she knew every countenance, every smile, every grimace, every look like the back of her hand. It almost felt like nothing had changed, like no time had passed, when in reality everything was different.

The round went on and on and Rory's eyes didn't leave each girl talking for a second while Piper's were glued to the strange familiar face.

When the round of story sharing had reached her, the second Piper had feared and anticipated finally arrived. The green eyes met her's over the empty space in the middle of the room.

She saw the eyes growing wide in surprise and a shock flew through her body, causing her to immediately break the eye contact.

Staring back on her fingernails, that she had kept short ever since she was with Alex, she realized that she had not thought about what she wanted to say or not say, she had been too distracted.

„Well", she tried to keep her voice steady, still staring on her hands. „I'm Piper, I'm 17 and I've been bulimic for a year now, I guess. But I'd rather just listen."

She rushed through her own words, shwoing off how nervous she was. Hopefully people would think it was due to being there for the first time, not due to meeting the girl she had once loved after years of no contact.

„That's okay, Piper. You can take your time, maybe next week." The group leader gave her a warm smile and gave the girl next to her a sign to start with her story.

The second she started talking, Piper felt like running. Even if Rory shouldn't have recognized her by looking at her, Piper did have changed a lot over these past years, she would have recognized her the second she said her name.

Three girls later, Piper finally dared to look back up, anticipating to find her looking on the girl speaking, but she didn't. Those green eyes were staring at her, questioning. Like trying to read what was on her mind, but she couldn't anymore, Piper had learned to close her face like a book, when she needed to. Alex had taught her that pretty fastly.

Instead of looking away, Piper stared back. Stared into those green eyes that had once meant the world to her, but now they were only reminding her of the hole she had ripped into Piper's life. A hole that was filled now by other green eyes, threatening to rip her apart again.

Unlike Piper, Rory was still an open book and Piper could read shock in that face, and sorry and a little bit of worry.

They had met here, because both of them were sick, and only then Piper realized, Rory was sick too. She was going through the same as her, she was fightng like her and she was suffering like her. Piper had wished Rory many things. But she had never wished her to suffer, seeing her here made her sad, as well as being here. Where life had brought them both.

She had no idea what she would say to her, if they should ever talk. There was nothing to say, not about what they had experienced together, not about what they had meant to each other, not about how Rory had disappeared and left Piper in an ocean of tears.

She didn't want this cuts to be ripped open again.

„Okay, girls. So I hope to see you all again next week."

Piper had grabbed her jacket from the back of her chair as soon as they were dismissed, heading for the street, heading for her car.

She had almost made it, the car already in reach, when the hand closed around her wrist.

„Piper." Rory's voice was merely a whisper, bringing tears to Piper's eyes.

She turned around, all her anger and pain drowning her heart in hate.

„What do you want?", she hissed.

Rory tilted her head to the right, looking at Piper with sad green eyes, her face nearly begging, desperate. Piper felt like punching her.

Rory didn't let go of her wrist, when Piper tried to pull her hand away. It made her even angrier. This was the person who had meant the world to her, who had known her like nobody else did, who had given her the first kiss of her life and now it was just a the shell of a stranger who looked like somebody she had once known, years ago, in another life.

„What do you want? Why don't you just disappear again? You're damn good at it!" Her voice sounded harsh and bitter, but there was more hurt feeling ringing through them than she had wanted to.

„Piper, please." Rory let her hand slide down from her wrist to her hand, letting Piper the chance to pull it away. Piper did, slowly, surprised that somebody let go off her so easy. She pulled her hand away, walking the last steps to her car.

„Let us talk."

„What about?" Piper was aware of the fact that she was yelling and that people around them were already looking, but she didn't care, she was so mad. „What is there to fucking talk about, huh?"

Rory looked like a picture of misery, that was very unlikely for Rory, the always happy, always bubbly Rory. „Let me explain. I really want to explain."

„You had three years to come around and explain! Absolutely no need to do it now!"

Piper was so mad, and right now she was pretty used to being angry and fighting so that it felt like sliding into the warm familiar spot in the middle of the matress. Way too easy.

„Please, Piper."

Her voice was begging, and Piper was too tired of being mad.

„Fine. You have five minutes!" she crossed her arms, rising her eyebrows in a pissed way and she suddenly reminded herself of Alex.

„Five minutes? We've been friends for more than ten years and all I'm worth are five minutes, for real?"

Now Rory was getting pissed and Piper kind of understood it, but still.

„We've been friends for more than ten years and all I've been worth to you were like, what, ten minutes before you disappeared? But okay, let me call my mum and then we can like, well get a coffee or something."

Rory nodded, slightly submissive. Piper nodded, too, before walking a few steps away.

She pulled her phone out of her pocket and unlocked the screen, there were five unread massages and three missed calls on her display. Piper had totally forgotten to tell Alex that she wasn't coming to 'tutoring' today.

 _1\. message:_

 _From: X_

 _Where are you?_

 _2\. message_

 _From: X_

 _I know you're mad, but can you stop ignoring me?_

 _3\. message:_

 _From: X_

 _I guess you won't come anymore._

 _4\. message:_

 _From: X_

 _You know what, fuck it._

 _5\. message:_

 _From: X_

 _I'm worried, okay. At least tell me you're not in a hospital again._

All those call were from Alex, too. The last one only five minutes ago. She fastly typed a message into her phone, she was so tired of fighting.

 _To: X_

 _Sorry, I didn't want to scare you. I'm fine, I just forgot to tell you that I have an appointment. See you tomorrow, maybe?_

Then she typed her mother's number into her phone and waited for it to dial.

„Hey mum, I'm gonna be home a little bit later. I … I'm gonna go for a coffee with someone of the group... Yeah I know you have AA today, I'm gonna be home at eight, promise. …. Yeah, it was okay... Thanks mum, love you too."

She pushed the red button and walked back to Rory. She felt bad for lying to her mum, but after her coming out last night and her revelation about her kiss with Rory, she didn't think it was the best idea to tell her about meeting Rory right now.

„Ok, let's go."

* * *

They were sitting over their cups of coffee for 20 minutes already, none of them had said a word since they had ordered their drinks. It was getting more and more uncomfortable and it was strange, they had never had this problem, they had always had a billion things to talk about. But that was an eternity ago, like in a different life.

After another five minutes Piper was fed up.

„So, you wanted to explain something?" She said, her voice more pissed than she had intended, while she watched the light glisten on the smooth surface of the dark liquid in front of her.

She hadn't looked at Rory in at least ten minutes, but now she raised her head, looking in the eyes of her once best friend.

„I don't know where to start." Rory said in a low, nearly shy voice „I am so sorry of what happened. I wish you could forgive me, even if I can't forgive myself."

Piper was close to crying, she had wanted to hear these words for so long, hear this voice.

„I should have fought." Rory whispered, tears dwelling in her eyes as well.

„Fought?" Piper was also whispering, her voice getting stuck in her throat.

Rory lowered her head, a tear falling down into her coffee, breaking to the unruffled surface, that moved in waves for a second before it lay still again.

Then a ringing cut through the silence, Piper imagined the sound in her ear to look the same like the teardrop in the coffee seconds ago. Rory jerked, ripped out of whatever her thoughts were. Then she pulled her phone out of her pocket, giving Piper an apologizing look and stood up from the table to answer her phone.

Piper sat there on the table alone, watching Rory through the window of the cafè as she was talking into her phone, gesticulating as if she was fighting with the person on the other end. Her skinny arms were flying through the air frantically, while the sun was shimmering in her brown hair. Piper thought them to be a little less shimmering than they had been in her memory. Rory looked weak, her skinny bones were merely covered with any muscles and still she was one of the most beautiful things in this world.

She kind of felt bad for her own thoughts, so she teared her eyes off Rory, looking on her own phone instead. Alex had answered her text and she had a second one.

 _1\. message_

 _From: X_

 _Okay. Let's get away for a day, I'm tired of fighting. XXX_

Piper had to smile a bit, she was still pissed at Alex for not outing herself, but at the same time she was tired of fighting, too. And if she wanted Alex to really do that step and out herself, she had to remind her of why she was worth it.

She typed her answer into her phone immediately.

 _To: X_

 _Okay, come over as soon as you want. XXX_

Then she checked the second message she had gotten. It was from her mum.

 _From: Mum_

 _Hey Piper. Your father is watching after Cal tonight, take your time and have fun. Love, Mum._

Piper had to smile even brighter, her dad hadn't spend time with her brother in ages and even more important, her parents hadn't cared about her having leisure or not ever since things had started getting complicated.

She was still smiling as Rory walked back in, her face shadowed with frustration.

„Sorry, Piper." Her name out of Rory's mouth was still weird and unreal „My girlfriend always has to check on me. Where I am and with whom."

Piper felt like struck by lightning, her smile vanishing in the matter of a second.

„Your what?"

* * *

 **Most of you had guessed it already, I hope it's still a good surprise.**

 **Though some of you might think this is slowing the story down a bit, I felt it was the right time to help Piper get a few answers, so let's see if she does. I also didn't want Rory to stay just an expedient to explain Piper as a character, I felt she had more potential than that. AND I think a good story, like every book, needs side stories to give more inside to the characters (So no matter what, I'm not apologizing for it ;))). But there will also be more Vauseman again soon, promise.**

 **Please tell me what you think :)**

 **XXX**


	22. Chapter 22

„My girl... shit..." She sighed deeply „... listen Piper that is what I wanted to tell you."

Rory fiddled with her phone in her hand, not looking at Piper.

"You're kidding me, right?" Piper felt so deeply, deeply hurt, not because Rory had a girlfriend and she was jealous, no, not at all. She felt hurt because all these years she had thought she had lost her best friend because she was disgusted by her 'sinful' sexuality and now it turned out she was just really disgusted by the thought of fat little Piper being in love with her. She felt the urge to rip her skin off her face, just to not have to be herself anymore.

„Look Pipes." Piper shoot her a look that could have killed, for using her nickname, she had no right to do this. „I know how this must sound to you."

Piper felt like crying, holing up in her bed and cry but her tear gland was dried out like a desert during a prolonged drought. All was left was bitterness and sarcasm.

„Oh, you think, Miss I'm-not-gay?" Her cold, unhappy laughter rang in her own ears, nearly making her deaf.

Rory outstretched her arm over the dark wooden table to take Piper's hand in her's, it was strange how familiar that felt and Piper closed her eyes, she let her hand linger in Rory's for a moment before she slowly pulled it away, but Rory grabbed for it again and this time Piper let her hold it.

„Piper, I know I've been an asshole. But it's not what you think now, I still know you, you know?"

The blonde had her eyes still closed, not knowing if she should listen or just leave.

She felt the deep cuts, that she had slowly tried to fill up with lies she told herself, rip open one after the other and she was scared that now, when she finally heard the truth she might not be able to heal herself again.

But she needed to hear the truth, she had spent night after night lying awake, asking herself what she had done wrong, what she could have made better. She had to know.

„You just weren't in to me." Piper's voice sounded husky, there was no need to hide her pain, it was obvious after all.

„Like I said, it's not what you think it is. I'm sure I was into you pretty much ever since I was four and saw you falling into that puddle."

Piper almost had to smile slightly at the memory, she had played 'who can jump better into puddles' with Danny, but her puddle had been deeper than expected and suddenly the cold november rainwater was up to her chest. That was when she met Rory, standing in a deep hole filled with cold water and Rory gave her her jacket so that they could go on playing. Piper had been sick for two weeks afterwards.

She opened her eyes, looking up into Rory's face that was warmly smiling at her, their mutual history lay in this familiar look. They smiled at each other for a second before Piper remembered why their history had ended and her smile vanished as fast as it had appeared.

And she stared back at her dark coffee that was slowly getting cold.

„You don't believe me." Rory's thumb was stroking carefully over the back of Piper's hand, her voice was dripping with desperation.

„I've always loved you, Pipes. And I hate myself for being such a damn coward." she breathed in deeply „And an idiot."

Piper had to pull her hand out of Rory's again, her thumb stroking above her hand felt like bees crawling over her skin, wrong and strange.

„You don't have to tell me stories to make me feel better. You have made yourself pretty clear back then. You didn't want me in your life anymore and I had do deal with it on my own. So just stopp, this talk is not necessary."

„Yes, it is." Rory said, fierce. „I left you and it's the one thing I regret the most in my life. Followed directly by writing this kiss into my stupid diary so my parents could find it."

„What?"

Rory was now stroking circles over the table with her thumb where Piper's hand had been seconds before. She was staring at her own fingers as if it was the most interesting thing in the room.

„When you kissed me back then I was so confused and scared but at the same time I was feeling like everything finally made sense. You kissed me and it was like the missing piece of a puzzle, I could finally see clear."

Piper couldn't stay serious, without sarcasm right now, the first girl she had ever loved just confessed that she was feeling the same thing and all Piper felt was anger and bitterness.

„Oh, so that's why you ignored me for a whole week after that kiss?"

„I had to get things clear in my head, Piper. I'm gay and this was a shock at first, and then, somehow I just hoped you were feeling the same thing that I felt and we could be, I don't know, together."

„Hope is a dangerous thing to live with." The cynicism in Piper's voice sounded so unfamiliar to herself, she had no idea who she was becoming, that was not her.

„What a dumb sentence." Rory mumbled. She took a sip of her coffee, grimacing at the coldness of the bitter liquid, she then took another sip before placing the mug at the table again, letting her finger slide over the round edge of the mug, keeping her fingers busy, she had always done that when she was nervous. She could barely ever sit still.

„It was your sentence and I've lived by it for the past three years." Piper knew it sounded like an accusation and it kind of was. She had forbidden herself to hope for such a long time, scared whenever she had to rely on other people, scared when she had no chance of influencing the things that happened around her.

Rory's eyes drowned in sadness and regret, the green becoming blurred by a layer of salty water, an ocean of tears had crossed these eyes over the years and all the emotions behind every single tear were written in those eyes right now.

Her voice was silent, husky.

„Well, I was pretty dumb back then, a silly, naive idiot. You remember my diary?" , it was a rhetorical question and she didn't wait for Piper to answer it „I wrote in it every night. Should have known that my mother was reading it now and then to prevent her daughter from sin.", now Rory's voice sounded a bit sarcastic, too. „Well, she came too late, I had already fallen for a girl. But she was not too late to forbid me seeing you again and sending me to this stupid catholic boarding school."

Piper didn't know what to say, Rory had told her right now that she has been in love with her, that all her self-hating and doubting had been baseless but instead of feeling relieved all she felt was emptiness.

„I should have told you back then." Rory looked up from her coffee. „But like I said, I'm a coward. My mother doesn't even know about Elliot, yet. I hate myself for it"

There was another girl waiting for her girlfriend to come out to her family. Piper felt kind of sorry for this Elliot and at the same time she felt the fear crawling up inside of her. Rory had left her because she had been too afraid to stand up against her family and who know what could have happened if she had been brave enough. Now the same thing was happening with her and Alex.

„Say something." Rory begged. The bitter smell of cold coffee reached Piper's nostrils and she scrunched up her nose, it reminded her of the bitter taste of gall in her mouth.

„You're right, you should have told me." she sighed deeply, the following words being half true half the lie she told herself. „But what does it matter now. You have a girlfriend, so do I, so it seems we both got happy after all."

Only that Piper wasn't happy.

„You have a girlfriend?" Rory sounded surprised, Piper nodded and then they were silent for minutes.

What was there to say if you just were told that the girl you have cried after for years had cried after you as well, that she had loved you the way you have loved her, but now it didn't matter anymore because they both found other people.

The minutes passed in a silence that should have been uncomfortable, but instead Piper suddenly felt relieved, free. She had hated herself, had considered herself guilty and not lovable, but after all it had never been her fault that she had lost the most important person in her life. There she was, sitting in front of her and they had more in common than they had ever realized.

„Are you happy?" Piper whispered, not because she didn't trust her voice, but because she felt like being in a familiar bubble where no loud noises were needed.

Rory looked Piper deep in the eyes and she felt she could see her soul after all these years again.

„Now that I met you." The smile on Rory's lips was like a day in the summer back when they were kids and when she took Piper's hand again, Piper felt no need to pull it away.

Maybe she should have been angry, sad and disappointed for all the lost time for all the lonesome time, but she felt like life had given her something back and she smiled back.

„Wait you told your mother that we had kissed? Haha, would have loved to see that face."

„You remember that one time when we were nine and..."

„Still wanna be a teacher one day?"

„Are you and Polly still friends?"

„Oh my god, Cal must be five by now, is he still that cute?"

"Remember Mr. Brown from elemantary..."

They laughed and talked like they had never done anything else. Eventually Rory had ordered herself something to eat and Piper had wished she were ready to do that too, eat fatty food in the presence of people she knew and not thinking about how she could get secretly rid of it afterwards. And when the waitress brought Rory that plate, she naturally pushed it towards the middle of the table without hesitation and without interupting her own sentence.

Piper smiled, they shared the plate while talking and Piper didn't even have the time to guess the calories that she were cosuming.

Rory hadn't pushed her to eat, she had just assumed they would share like they had done when they were kids and deep down Piper knew eating was a struggle for Rory as well, so when they shared, it felt like they were helping each other to heal.

Was it really three years that they hadn't seen each other?

Two or three times the bitter taste of pain and disappointment and being left crawled up Piper's throat, but she pushed it down. She didn't want to face up to her feelings right now, all she wanted to do was appreciate. She had suffered enough and Rory had, too. Piper realized that more and more as longer as they were talking.

All the fear Rory had inside, all the insecurities that Piper had always thought nobody had but her.

They fell back into their relationship like it was their natural place on earth, like the hollow of an old familiar couch that had been built by sitting on the same spot day by day.

After talking for two hours they got more silent and serious in their topics and Piper was really feeling tired.

They had just decided to meet again, also with Polly sometimes, when they were getting into their jackets and heading for the car.

Piper had offered Rory a ride home and when she parked the car in front of her house that she were living back in ever since the start of the school year, Piper couldn't help herself but remember the day when she had brought Alex home after she had seen her naked in the bathroom.

It felt like that had been years ago, almost in another life. She loved Alex and meeting Rory had reminded her once more why Alex was so so scared of coming out.

They had exchanged numbers and now all that was to do was say goodbye to each other. Hopefully this was no goodbye for another three years. Piper had no idea if she should hug Rory, or if she should go for a handshake, that would have been kind of ridiculous. Maybe she should just tell her goodbye and wait what Rory did.

Before she could even finish her thought, Rory pecked her a kiss on the cheek and she could feel her long lashes scraping her skin.

It didn't feel like in the past. They weren't two best friends anymore, now they were two gay girls with girlfriends who haven't seen each other in three years.

Piper grabbed Rory's skinny wrist, keeping her from exiting the car.

Rory rised her eyebrows, questioning, and Piper regretted stopping her from leaving, but she had to know.

„Did you miss me?"

Rory didn't smile, her face was dead serious when she took Piper's face between her hands.

„Every day." she whispered, nodding her head, and then she opened the door and left, turning her head a last time before she unlocked the front door and disappeared.

It was almost eleven as Piper started the gear and rolled off into another part of the town, she could almost count the few stars shining bright in the sky. Normally in a meaningful night like this the sky must have been covered in stars, shining bright and romantically down on her, but this was no movie, this was reality and most of the sky was covered in clouds.

But the few stars were as beautiful to her as any other nightsky would have been.

She pulled up on the side of the street, fumbling her phone out of her pocket.

She dialed the number that she knew by heart.

„Hey Al, I'm standing in front of your house."

* * *

 **So this is another Rory-chapter that I'm sure not everybody will be fond of (More Vauseman please, I know ;))**

 **And there will be more Vauseman next chapter for those of you who don't wanna read anything else ;)**

 **Still I think this is an important chapter, especially for Piper and her evolvement.**

 **Hope you enjoyed it XXX**

 **(Sorry for deleting the chapter again after posting it the first time, I had forgotten to edit a few things I wanted to edit)**


	23. Chapter 23

When Alex walked out the rundown building, the whole street seemed to light up and for the first time in days Piper remembered why she had fallen for this girl in the first place.

Her green eyes were darker than Rory's but in the light of the streetlamps they were glowing like fire and the way she looked at Piper, who was leaning against her car, was full of life and sass.

Closing the gap between them with a last few steps, Alex slung her arms around Piper, pulling her in for a kiss.

Piper breathed in her familiar scent and she felt like she hadn't had this scent around her for ever, right now Alex finally felt close to her again and all just because she was finally free from all the doubts and pain of her past.

Pulling back to get some air, Alex leaned her forhead against Piper's and the green in her eyes filled Piper's heart like warm milk.

„I missed you." Alex whispered, almost inaudible, but Piper could hear it as loud as if Alex was sitting in her ear. Everything else was just background.

Then Alex rised her eyebrows like she always did, pushing her glasses to the top of her head, while she leant her whole body against Piper's, pressing her aganist the car where her hands were now laying on top of.

„Sooooo, what brings you to my part of the town in the middle of the night young lady." she grinned suggestively.

Piper had to laugh, she felt so light that she was sure she would start flying away like a balloon any second. She shook her head, playfully shocked.

„Can you ever think of anything else than sex?"

„Can you blame me?" Alex eyed Piper's body from head to toe and again Piper just shook her head.

„Come, get in the car." Piper smiled before pecking a kiss on her girl's lips and walked around her car to sit down onto the driver's seat.

She didn't wait a second longer as needed, the second Alex closed the door behind her, Piper stepped on the gas and drove off down the street.

„Where are you taking me?" Alex asked, lying her hand on top of Piper's on the gear stick.

Piper didn't answer until she was on the highway and she didn't look at her, keeping her eyes pinned on the street.

She took a deep breath. „Well, I just wanna talk to you and since you always run away eventually, I wanted to make sure you can't"

„I don't run away." Alex said, getting offensive of herself.

Piper sighed, she had had this realization only today and she could not expect Alex to be aware of it when she hadn't been all this time.

„Al, do you realize that since I know you, whenever we saw each other YOU were the one leaving ME in the end. And yeah I know you have a job and stuff, but I feel like we're never get to finish our conversations. There is so much left unsaid." Piper still didn't take her eyes off the street.

„Where is this suddenly coming from?" Alex sounded surprised, her hand had left Piper's and Piper could feel her eyes burning holes into her face.

„I met Rory today." Piper stated, trying to keep emotions out of her voice and facial expression.

The holes Alex burned into Piper's face started getting deeper and it became harder to not look at her as she kind of wanted to see the reaction, but her voice was enough to feel the shock that Alex was feeling.

„Your ex?"

„She is not really my ex!"

„Then why are you bringing this up now?"

Piper had driven off the highway and was now pulling up to the side of the nearly abandoned road.

Unbuckling herself she turned around to her girlfriend.

„I met her at a support group today." Saying this she stroked her thumb over the gear stick, trying to keep her hands busy as Rory had done earlier, and she stopped as soon as she realized this. „And well, we talked, like talked for hours until we both felt like there was nothing left unsaid."

„Great" Alex snorted, shaking her head. „So now you can come to me and blame me for all our problems huh? Now that you have her back?"

„Al." Piper took Alex's hand in her's and used her free hand to make Alex look at her. „I love you. And I really wanna make this work, but that for we need to talk about stuff. Talk about our problems no matter how uncomfortable that is."

Alex looked at Piper and shrugged her shoulders.

„Then say what you wanna say."

„I don't wanna say anything, I wanna talk with my girlfriend."

„Talking is kind of hard without saying anything, kid." Alex grinned, lifting a weight off Piper's shoulders, who had been afraid that they might actually start fighting again.

„Come." Piper exited her car, walking around it to open Alex's door before she could do it on her own. She grabbed her hand and started running into the field next to the street and then she just let herself fall onto the ground, pulling the raven haired girl down with her.

She rolled over until she was lying on top of Alex, giving her a kiss on her lips.

Alex wrapped her arms around her body, looking at her.

„Tell me about Rory." She said and Piper started talking and talking and talking.

* * *

They were lying in the grass building a square angle, Piper's head on top of Alex's belly, Alex's arm on Piper's waist and they were staring in the cloudy dark sky. Now and then a single star was to be seen when the clouds moved apart a bit.

„You know, I get why you're afraid of telling your sister the truth. I get it now more than ever and believe me there was a second when I thought I should just take back that ultimatum. But..."

Piper kept staring in the sky, stroking her index finger over the back of Alex's hand on her waist.

„... I also realized that I must look out for myself. Because I am the only variable I can control and if I don't take care of myself who else is gonna do it? Rory never took care of herself, she never stood up for herself and now she is even skinnier than I am and she still hasn't been able to even start to beat her illness in over three years."

Alex didn't answer, Piper could feel her stomach move up and down as she was breathing in and out. She sighed deeply and Piper could feel her desperation leaking through when Alex started talking.

„For a second I wanted to say that I'm taking care of you but …. that would be a lie. I'm not a good person. I never had a reason to be aside from my family and they never needed me to be good, they just needed me to be strong... Then there's you. And I really hope you are reason enough for me to change but truth is, I can't promise. Nicky and my mum, they are everything to me."

Piper turned around, leaning onto her elbows, giving a kiss on Alex's stomach that only touched her jacket.

„Just tell her. I'm sure she loves you as much as you love her." Piper didn't really believe what she was saying, she could hardly believe someone like Nichols was able to love. „And if she does, she'll want you to be happy. She won't turn her back on you and all the other numbnuts at school, they do what she says anyway, that's not gonna change because of her sister dating a loser."

Alex took a strand of hair between her fingertips and let them run through her fingers. Closing her eyes, Piper enjoyed the light touch. It was cold outside, only the moon that shined through the cloud cover lit the two of them and now and then the light of a passing car shed light over them.

And for the first time Piper really had the feeling that she had said everything that was on her mind.

A shiver ran down her spine as Alex ran her fingertips over the smooth skin of Pipers lips. She moved towards Alex, cupping her cheek with her hand while she was keeping herself up with her other arm.

She trailed her finger along Alex's features, drawing her lips and eyes with her touch.

„I love you." she whispered and she wished that Alex would say it back, just once, but the raven haired girl just smiled and her green intense eyes were so full of emotions that she didn't need to say anything for Piper to know. She would give her the time she needed to finally say it.

When their lips met in a light, almost innocent touch, the first raindrops started falling on top of their heads, but Piper couldn't pull herself away from Alex's lips and they melted into each other while the water was threatening to soak them. The smell of wet grass and earth migled with the scent of Alex's shampoo and the damp textile was sticking to her skin, making her shiver.

„Come babe, let's go home." Alex whispered, stroking the wet hair out of Piper's face.

„Home?"

„You could sleep at my house. We could take a shower together." Alex stared on the wet hairstrand she had just taken between her fingertips, while Piper was rising her eyebrows, not quite understanding.

„What about Nicky. Isn't she at home?"

Alex shrugged her shoulders. „I don't know. Doesn't matter."

Piper didn't believe what she was hearing and at the same time she didn't know what she should think about it, how she should feel.

„I mean, she can't freak out when my mum is around right?"

Standing up, Alex pulled Piper up on her legs, they both were soaked from the rain and Piper was shivering from the cold of her wet clothes even though the air was still warm in the middle of this night.

Before she started the gear, she sent a text to her mum and also one to her dad, because she had no idea if the two of them were talking and who was with Cal right now.

The drive to Alex's neighborhood was a silent one and Piper was mortified. She had wanted Alex to not care about what her sister was thinking for ever, but now she was dreading this encounter. And she also was scared to meet Alex's mother, this woman had brought Alex up, had given her everything she ever had and Piper was terrified that she might consider her to be not good enough for her daughter.

She couldn't bear another one of Alex's family hating her.

She parked the car a few blocks from Alex's house. She didn't want to give Nichols the possibility of destroying it when she found out what was really going on between her and Alex, especially after she had threatened her only today.

„Shhh. They are probably asleep already." Alex whispered as she was pulling Piper after her through the short dark hall behind that dark red scuffed door of the appartment.

Alex groped her way through the hall and then pulled Piper into a room, shutting the door close silently behind them. She pressed Piper against the door, not bothering to turn on the light.

Piper's heart started racing as she felt Alex's hands opening the zipper of her wet jacket, while she pressed her body close to her's.

Piper couldn't see anything, she could just feel Alex's touch and presence, could smell her wet hair and hear her heavy breath. It was making her heart race, and it felt almost toxic in the best way possible.

Alex kept undressing her and when she felt their naked skins against each other the goosebumps in her neck were running down her spine.

The light flickered when Alex finally turned it on, blinding Piper for a second. They were in a tiny bathroom. Next to the sink with a crack in it was a toilet bowl and an old shower with a white shower curtain. There was no room for much more in there.

Alex pulled Piper under the shower and when the hot water hit Piper's ice-cold skin she felt like she couldn't breathe for a second until Alex wrapped her arms around her pulling her as close as possible.

There she was, in Alex's bathroom, with Alex. Only the two of them, skin on skin, making all clocks stand still.

* * *

 **Here it is, an all Vauseman chapter for all of you my lovelies :)**

 **I really hope you enjoyed it.**

 **I also know some of you had asked me to write more about Alex's POV and I guess I have to disappoint you here. It is part of the concept of this story that we only ever know Piper's side, know what Piper knows, feel what she feels, that we're as confused as she is (Well at leat you, I know exactly what's going on in Alex's mind;)). I really wanna keep it that way, because it does feel more real and it helps me creating a real and genuine inside in Piper as a character. As readers we often know much more about what is going on than we do in real life, we watch everything from above but I want you to watch it through Piper's eyes and be still able to see Piper from the out- and inside (I hope that makes sense).**

 **!BUT! I've been thinking of writing a small collection of one shots after completing this story that revolve around Alex's side of the story, Alex's view on some of the important scenes and chapters and also Alex's relationship with Nicky. Please tell me if you were interested in reading this kind of stuff**

 **XXX**


	24. Chapter 24

Piper could barely sleep that night. She was snuggled up to her sleeping girlfriend in that merely a meter wide bed. She could feel Alex's chest moving up and down as she snored lightly in the cutest way possible.

They had never been able to fall asleep next to each other and only now Piper realized what she had missed out on all these weeks. All she could do now was stare at Alex, her peaceful, relaxed looking face, her closed eyes that flickered now and then while Alex was dreaming about whatever she dreamed of while lying next to her.

Piper could watch Alex breathing and it almost felt like a wonder to her. It was the same feeling as when you look at a newborn and you are suddenly aware of the wonder of life.

She couldn't take her hands off that beautiful face and she was carefully stroking Alex's cheek without waking her.

Her hands were shaking. Because while she loved the feeling of the warmth radiating from the girl next to her, and she loved sharing a bed with her love, knowing that her bully was probably only a wall away from her was freaking her out. She was too afraid to close her eyes, too afraid to fall asleep.

After having stared at Alex for another ten minutes she started looking at the surroundings. The tiny room was lit by one of the only two streetlamps outside that weren't shattered. The cold light shined on the wall behind the small bed, where a huge framed Pink Floyd poster hung between printed out lyrics.

The other walls were also plastered with posters of different rock bands and in every corner stood a stack of books, from Dickens to Hesse to Shakespeare and also less famous writers.

This room was one hundert percent Alex.

Turning onto her back, Piper stared at the white ceiling, her hand lying on Alex's tigh, her presence calming down her nerves.

This day had taken forever, so many things had happened that it was enough for two whole weeks and when she fell asleep eventually, it was a fitful, dream hunted sleep.

„Babe."

The touch of a hand on her stomach woke her up as Alex whispered into her ear, her lips scraping the soft skin of Piper's cheek. Piper could wake up like this every morning, even though she felt like she hadn't slept at all.

„Good morning." Piper turned around to face her girl, taking her face between her hands.

„Morning beautiful."

Alex had offered Piper to go to the bathroom while she was warning her mum about their unexpected breakfast guest.

Their damp clothes were hanging over the pole of the showercurtain and she was still wearing the clothes Alex had given her to sleep in and they actually didn't look half bad on her, that kind of boosted her selfesteem, while she was trying to collect the strength to face her bully.

She wanted to run, run fast and run far, but if she didn't face her enemies now, she may never do.

Alex was already sitting at the table in the kitchen, barefoot in a pair of boxers and a black band t-shirt she looked sexier than ever.

„You must be Piper." She looked exactly like Alex, only about twenty years older and when she hugged her out of nowhere the scent that reached Piper's nostrils reminded her of the first time Alex had ever hugged her.

„It's nice to see Alex finally bringing a girl home."

Diane moved Piper towards the kitchentable where four plates were already waiting and Alex was already shoving her face with half burned toast. She smiled at her with this 'Look my mum is cool. Told ya.' look on her face and Piper just had to smile back, while she sat down next to her.

There was already a toast on the plate in front of her. It wasn't half as burned as Alex's who just lay her hand on Piper's tigh, probably getting the vibe of Piper's nervous uncomfortableness and wanting to calm her down.

Piper stared at her toast, her stomach grumbling. She wasn't sure if it was hunger or the horror of the moment when her nemesis would get to know about her and Alex plus the nervous feeling of meeting the mother of her girlfriend.

She wanted to eat this toast and probably another one and another one and another one just to suppress the fear rumbleing in her stomach. But she was scared that once she started she couldn't stopp. She hated people watching her eat and letting them watch her binge eat would be the most humiliating thing, also not being able to throw up afterwards was kind of spoiling the thought of eating at all, so instead she just kept staring on her plate.

„Come babe. Eat at least one. For me, ok?" Alex whispered, leaning over to her. Piper tried to smile back at her, Alex couldn't know that pressure was making it even harder for her to eat.

Right before she was forced to either eat or answer there were footsteps in the small hall and the redhead entered the small kitchen, wearing pretty much the same outfit Alex had on.

Piper froze in the middle of breathing, waiting for the inevitable to come.

It took a few second until Nichols realized and her facial impression changed from 'just got out of bed' to 'I just walked into hell' in a matter of seconds and she looked kind of vulnerable in her anger. „What is SHE doing here?" Her voice was more upset than angry and Piper had kind of a bad conscience. She was invading in her home, her privacy, her safe place and Nichols didn't even had the chance to prepare herself for this.

„She is our guest so be nice." Diane gave the ginger a kiss on the head and it was strange for Piper to see her in that kind of endearment, seeing her actually human. But the human vanished immediately when her bully leaned on the table, facing her sister with an angry, aggressive look. „So you're screwing THAT?" she hissed with a sidelook to Piper, looking at her like she was a cockroach or something.

„Nicole! Watch your words!" Diane scolded, sitting down now at the table next to them, but Nichols was still standing there, hateful, hurt, betrayed.

„Why Alex?" she asked and Piper could actually see the knives that cut deep in her flesh by the betrayal of her sister, but she could also see how manipulating she was to Alex, playing out her hurt feelings to cause Alex to have a bad conscience and it worked.

She saw Alex getting smaller and smaller and for the first time Piper realized Alex was a victim too. She felt so obliged towards her sister, protecting her, wanting to make her feelt good and Nichols was so used to that, that she had learned to play her, subconsciously maybe, but still.

„What, Alex? Is her pussy made of money or what?" Piper jerked at the vulgarity. She was used to Alex saying such things, but for fun, for teasing her and not as an insult.

„Out." Diane said, she wasn't getting loud or aggressive but she had a natural authority in her voice. „ Get out of my kitchen until you remember how to behave."

Nichols looked like she wanted to talk back but one look in her mother's face and she walked away, throwing a last hateful glance at Piper.

„I apologize for her, Piper."

Piper nodded, but all she could focus on was Alex, who was sitting on her chair, sunk down, looking miserable. Piper felt bad for causing this fight between Alex and her sister but she also felt mad because Alex didn't even fight back, not for her, not for herself.

She had always considered Alex a strong person but after all, maybe she wasn't.

„I should probably leave." Piper mumbled, she still hadn't touched a bite from her food, she felt more sick than before. Alex kept staring on her plate, not touching anymore of her food as well and she looked like she had zoned out.

„No, stay. Don't let her get to you, she is nice once you get to know her." Diane smiled at her and patted her hand awkwardly, she seemed to be embarassed by her own daughter's behaviour.

They ate their breakfast in uncomfortable silence, or rather Diane ate her breakfast while Alex ripped her toast slowly in pieces and Piper stared at her plate.

After Diane had left for work on this saturday morning Piper got nervous again, afraid of what Nichols might do now that her mother couldn't hold her back anymore.

Alex seemed to be nervous as well, because she hurrily cleaned up the table and then she took Piper back to her room.

Sitting down on the bed next to each other, Piper didn't know what to say, she felt guilty for pushing Alex into coming out and at the same time she was pissed that Alex had let Nichols get away with saying nasty things about her.

„And now?"

Alex shrugged her shoulders before taking Piper's hand in her own. Her face was still uneasy but she was looking better since the door was closed behind the two of them.

„Nicky has to go to work in like half an hour, then we have the place to our own. „

It felt like they were back in a closet while in reality they were more out than ever.

Piper sighed „I don't know."  
„Don't let her ruin our day. Please, stay." Alex nearly begged and Piper was not able to say no to those eyes.

As soon as the front door fell close they started to enter the place as theirs.

Alex snuggled up on the couch and she watched Piper kneel down in front of the old tube TV and search through the stack of old video tapes with trashy black and white movies. Piper picked an old horror movie that Polly had already made her watch when they were about 13. Horror movies scared the shit out of Piper but right now she wanted to play ballsy in front of Alex, not mentioning that she had seen this one already. She grinned when she pushed the tape into the recorder beneath the TV table and walked over to Alex.

„Horror movie? For real? You?" Alex laughed at her from her lying position, she seemed to be all back to her normal self again, as if nothing had happened. But Piper knew her better than that by now, behind her carefree facade she was brooding, whenever she thought Piper wasn't looking at her she started biting her bottom lip in a pondering way, and she kept on staring holes in the air. But Piper had no idea what she was supposed to do. She didn't want to fight and she was afraid that once she started bringing up what had happened as a topic they would end up in one.

So instead she just went with pretending like nothing had happened.

She grinned at her girlfriend. „Yeah. Thought you could cuddle up to me once you get scared."

Leaning down to Alex, Piper tried to kiss her, but as Alex grabbed her at the lapel of her shirt and pulled her towards her, Piper lost her balance and fell over onto her girlfriend. They both laughed, not as freely as they were used to from they secret safe place in prop room but it was a start.

„So Miss super-bold, wanna start that movie?" Alex teased, her hands lying on the small of Piper's back. Alex was still in her boxers and band shirt, her hair weren't brushed and she wasn't even wearing any of her badass make up but as Piper looked at her she couldn't have imagined to ever see anything more beautiful in her life.

She could feel the skin of Alex's long legs touching her's where the chill pants that she was wearing had wandered upwards a little and it gave her goosebumps all over.

Even though Nichols didn't like them being together, Piper had a feeling like the puzzle was finally starting to be complete. Things were gonna be alright and someday Alex would be able to tell her she loved her as well.

She kept lying on Alex as they watched 'Night of the Living Dead', her head placed on her girl's chest listening to her heartbeat going slower and faster depending on what scene was coming up. She was barely watching the movie, instead she was enjoying being near Alex, feeling her, breathing her. And for a few heavenly hours not pondering what might happen.

It was until Piper's phone rang. The blonde had fallen asleep watching the movie, she was so exhausted from barely sleeping last night that she had really been able to fall asleep during a horror movie.

„Pipes. Wake up, your phone." Alex whispered, pausing the movie that was just about to end. Seemingly she had noticed Piper sleeping but had decided to let her get the rest.

Groaning and not wanting to get up from her heavenly comfortable spot, Piper hided her face in Alex's neck.

„Babe."

Piper screamed when Alex started grabbing her under her arms, tickleing her where she knew she would get Piper awake in the matter of seconds.

She groaned once more, giving Alex a deadly glance before she grabbed for her phone, answering it, annoyed.

„What? … Oh, hi mum. …. Yeah, I'm still at Alex's... What? Why?... No, no it's ok, I'll be there."

She hit the red button on her phone.

„You gotta go?" Alex asked, somehow disappointed and Piper couldn't help herself, though she was disappointed as well, the fact that Alex was sad about her having to leave made her actually happy.

„Yeah, my mum has to meet a few clients and my dad is at the office so I have to babysit Cal."

Shrugging her shoulder, Alex stood up and walked towards the TV. She hit the eject button and cramed the tape back into it's box, angry obviously.

The blonde walked up to her girlfriend, wrapping her arms around her from behind.

„Al, care to join us?"

* * *

 **So, my friends, I know it took me long, I'm sorry for that.**

 **As you might have figured this is not going to be the end of it all, and since one of you asked, I think it's gonna be about 5 more chapters, maybe a little bit more. But I will do an one shot collection revolving around this story afterwards (I have actually started writing them already.)**

 **So tell me what you think and of course thanks for all your reviews again. XXX Love ya**


	25. Chapter 25

Piper took the highway, again not the fastest way to get from Alex's to her's but she loved the speed and she knew Alex did, too.

The ravenhaired girl had the window on her side wide open, her arm outstretched to feel the wind that passed them between her fingers, Piper knew exactly how that felt, when you could feel the force of an invisible thing pushing against your palm and you were close to forgetting if you were the one moving, or the air. She had loved this feeling ever since she was a small child, sitting in her father's Porsche.

„Gosh, Pipes, I love that car,"

Yeah, so what about the girl who owns that car?

Piper couldn't suppress this thought though she at least managed to keep her mouth shut, she had put Alex under enough pressure lately with this whole coming out thing and she didn't want to push her to anymore things that she weren't ready to.

Feeling Alex's hand on her's on the gear stick was enough right now to make her satisfied.

Piper parked her car on the front side of the house, it was kind of strange bringing a girl home, yet she had subconsciencely dreamed about this for a long time, bringing home a person she loved. And her mother knew about it, her family knew about her girlfriend and about her eating disorder. There were almost no secrets anymore and yet her life was still not completey crushed. Who would have thought that?

They were still holding hands as Piper put the key in the lock to open the front door. She expected Cal to stand behind it, waiting impatiently for Piper to come home, expected him to yell her name and jump into her arms. And she was right, Cal was already sitting on the stairs in the hall while her mother was making noises in the kitchen. But instead of yelling 'Piper' Cal jumped up running towards them.

"Alex!" he wrapped his short arms around Alex's legs looking up to her in pure joy.

„Hey munchkin, I'm here too." Piper pouted playfully, kneeling down besides her brother to give him a kiss on the top of his blonde hair.

„Piper, you're home? Oh, hello." Her mother had just stepped out of the kitchen, drying her hands with a towel, and her eyes were sticking on Alex immediately. Piper was kind of amazed that her leather jacket wearing girlfriend drew more attention by her mother than herself, who was sill wearing a black band shirt and even less typical for her the black sweatpants.

„Hey, I'm Alex." Alex peeled the little boy from her legs and went to shake Carol's hand. „I'm Piper's..."

„Girlfriend" Carol finished the sentence for her, trying to attempt a smile, that almost went smoothly.

„Yeah." Alex stated, kind of awkwardly.

They stood in front of each other, as if they were waiting for something and after a few seconds Piper couldn't stand watching it anymore.

„Hey mum, sorry I had no idea you had to work today."

Her mother had worked rather irregularly these past days and a lot less than she had used to.

Piper was actually surprised by how much her mother was trying to be nice even when she kind of surprised her with this encounter.

"Ehm I... I cooked something for the two... The three of you." Carol grabbed her jacket from the hook, she was already wearing her shoes and she looked like she was already on the run. "Thanks mum." Piper loved how much her mother was trying, even though you could see how much this 'my daughter has a girlfriend'-thing was still kind of uncomfortable for her and she really struggled with herself. She was trying and that meant the world to Piper.

She had wanted to ask her mother how the AA meeting had been, but she didn't want to make her even more uncomfortable in front of Alex. But Piper made a note in her head to ask her tonight when Alex was gone, or at least tomorrow.

"Be nice." Carol stroked Cal over his blonde hair before she left them standing in the hall with an awkward wave goodbye.

"So that's your mum." Alex had a look on her face that Piper couldn't quite classify, and her little damaged heart already assumed it was contempt.

„What?" Piper asked, her voice sounding a little pissed, she should be less distrustful, but that was just what she had learned to be.

„Nothing." Alex shrugged her shoulders before she turned her attention to the little blonde boy who was already getting impatient. She grabbed him under his armspits, tickleing him until he squeaked and then she playfully chased him into the kitchen.

Piper stood there, not sure what had just happened.

She followed the two of them.

„What was that?" She asked, watching Alex and her brother in a tickle wrestling on the floor.

„What" Alex gasped between two laughters, she was playing weak so Cal could win over her, he sat on her stomach, straddling her and attacked her armpits. And Alex laughed her ass off, even though she wasn't even tickleish there.

„Not every mum can be as cool and young as yours." Piper knew she sounded ridiculous, but she felt like she had to come to her mother's defense.

„What?" Alex repeated, grabbing Cal now at his wrists and pulled him upwards as she stood up from the floor. The blonde boy looked somewhat disappointed.

„I didn't thought that your mum was not cool or anything nor did I imply that in any way." Alex had crossed her arms in front of her chest, she looked really offended. „Why would you think that of me? You should really know me better Pipes."

„Sorry" Piper sighed, Alex was right, she was nobody who pigeonholed people and put labels on them like 'cool' or 'not cool'. Piper was the person who should know that best, because in her world she was deep in the 'not cool pool' watching the cool kids like Alex from the cheap seats, but Alex was with her, she had overstepped those stupid label rules, not caring for them.

Alex shrugged her shoulders, but then she smiled again. „Come on, let's eat, I'm starving."

„You ate 5 toasts like 2 and a half hours ago, how can you possibly be hungry again?" Piper laughed and it felt like the chains around her heart exploded and she could finally breathe free again and she actually felt a little hungry herself after she hadn't eaten anything since those fries the evening before.

Sitting around the kitchen island, eating Mac n Cheese, Piper's childhood favourite, and watching Cal and Alex play who could finish their plate faster, Piper realized this was it. This was what she wanted, Alex's family knew, her family knew and she could finally be who she was.

„Okay Cal stopp!" Piper half laughed, half scolded, or tried to. „You're gonna choke on your food."

Cal stared at her, hesitating to stuff the last few pieces in his mouth, he was taking his sister's advices rather seriously, that was when Alex swallowed her last portion of noodles, rising her arms in victory.

„I won, little bean." She pinched Cal's small baby nose, who immediately made an angry face.

„Pipeeeeeeer, you let her win."

Grinning, Piper bent forward and whispered, loud enough so Alex could here her.

„Yeah but now she's gonna get fat and you won't."

Cal screamed in joy, nearly falling of his chair, laughing. He pointed his finger at Alex and grinned cocky.

Alex grabbed his pointing finger, playfully growling at him before she pretended to bite him into his little finger.

Cal squeaked again, jumping off his chair, he ran towards the glassdoor that lead to the garden. Alex smiled at Piper and then followed the little boy, reaching him before he reached the door. She grabbed him under his arms and threw him over her shoulder, so that his head was now hanging behind her back while she held him at the ankles.

„Can we go outside?" Cal asked, still hanging upside down.

„Where do you wanna go?" Piper had stood up from her seat and walked up towards the two.

Alex put the little boy back to the floor again and instead wrapped her arms around Piper's neck. „Well, I have an idea. Let me take you somewhere." She wiggled her eyebrows, promising, and Cal was already jumping back and forth, so there was no real chance to say no anymore.

* * *

„I am not gonna do that!" Piper crossed her arms in front of her chest, looking at Alex in disbelief.

„Come on Pipes, it's fuuuun." Alex held Piper's hands, looking at her even cuter than Cal who stood next to Alex going all puppy-eyed.

„It's dumb and it looks totally ridiculous." Piper sighed, not able to resist the begging any longer. „Fine. But I really hate you two."

Alex and Cal hihh fived each other and dragged Piper down the hill towards the pond, each of them pulling at one of her hands.

Piper regretted her decision the second the bubble around her was inflated in total and she was supposed to roll herself into the water.

She had let herself get talked into walking over water in an enormous plastic bubble. And not only did this look absolutely dumb, she was also barely able to stay on her feet long enough to even try and roll her bubble forward. Which was pretty obviously not the point of this stupid activity. The point was more like to look as stupid as possible.

Cal and Al were fighting the same struggle in their own bubbles. While Alex was a little bit better in actually walking a few steps and rolling her bubble a few metres forward, Cal didn't stopp laughing for long enough to even try and stand up.

Piper hadn't seen him having this much fun ever.

Trying to stand up in her bubble, she actually kind of felt weightless. She looked over to Alex who was trying to roll her bubble over to Piper's, but she never managed to do more than three steps in a row before she fell down again, laughing her ass off.

It felt like sitting in a hamster wheel that swam on water.

„I hate you for doing this to me." She growled through the plastic towards her hamster girlfriend who was frustratingly better in this whole thing than her.

„Oh come on Pipes, admit it you love it and you love me." Alex teased and she was really lucky that there were two layers of plastic between the two of them right now because otherwise Piper would have killed her.

„You're just jealous of my skills, kid." Alex went on with the tease, getting Piper at her ambitions.

„You will regret that!"

Piper threw her whole weight against the bubblewall to get closer to Alex's hamster wheel, who just squeaked like she had learned from Cal and tried moving in the other direction, it was literally the slowest hunt the world had ever seen while Cal just sat at the ground of his bubble, watching the two of them chase each other over the pond, shaking with laughter.

After a solid ten minutes Piper's legs were tired, this was way more exhausting than she had thought. And breaking into laughter evey five seconds wasn't helping.

„Okay I'm done. I will make you pay later." Piper let herself fall on her back, letting herself float on the water.

„I take that as a promise." Alex yelled over to her. „Now come on lets hunt down that little boy over there, he's looking way too relaxed."

Cal was already squeaking again, trying to move his bubble away from Alex.

„I'm done. You can take it up with him on your own, I'm sure."

While Alex and Cal started chasing each other over the pond, Piper just stayed lying on her back, staring into the blue sky. This day was perfect and she never wanted it to end, there was nothing she would change about her life right now and that was a first.

Piper was sure she would never forget the bright smile on Cal's face when he was looking on the burger on his plate when they grabbed some food on the ride home.

This day had been perfect to him, too. He had needed such a day, and he surely deserved to have so much more of those kind of days.

Seeing him so happy reminded Piper of when she was little, when all she needed was someone to hold her hand, someone who she knew she could rely on and someone who laughed with her like there was no tomorrow.

She had had someone like that when she was Cal's age, she had had her big brother, and two parents who weren't tired of life back then and she had had Rory.

Cal had friends who laughed and played with him, but he had missed someone to rely on for such a long time, sure he had her, but that was not enough. And Piper found herself praying that this new Carol who actually took some time for her son wouldn't disappear all too fast.

Being here with her brother and her girlfriend after a day like this made her feel whole, she felt like she was being in one piece again and she caught herself in the thought that this could be her future. She, Alex and a little kid, maybe someday it would be their kid who would be covered in ketchup from ear to ear while sitting between them in pure satisfaction.

It almost made her forget about the insults she had heard only hours ago. Almost.

* * *

 **Here I have for you another Vauseman chapter :)  
I thought everyone deserved a little bit of happiness (for now ;))**

 **I hope you liked the chapter and I would love if you told me whether there are specific chapters or scenes or moments you would like to read again in Alex's POV so I can try to put them in my one shot collection after finishing this story.**

 **XXX**


	26. Chapter 26

All sunday Piper felt like floating on water in a huge transparent plastic bubble. She had to do a shitload of work, homework, studying, cleaning her room. But she felt as euphoric as when she was running or driving.

She felt like the speed was rushing through her body, through her veins, through her heart.

But even after running, when she came home or while she was showering off the layer of sweat that covered her skin, and during the whole day until late afternoon she felt high, like being on drugs, at least that was how she imagined it.

When she had finally finished all her work, it was six already. The sun seemed to be still high in the sky even though it was sinking already, throwing light on her desk like golden liquid. She felt the warmth on her face that was only blocked by the thick glass of her window. Soon the sun would disappear behind the row of red roofs and it would paint the sky pink. Piper felt like the sun was loading her batteries that had been empty for so long.

Closing her notepad after finishing her last sentence of her historessay on the role of propaganda in Nazi Germany, she decided to keep her word.

„Mum?"

It was strange how walking down the stairs in the hallway could feel so different every time. She had walked down these stairs ever since she had been able to walk down stairs, she remembered when she was still too little to even reach the railing properly. But walking down today, when she was feeling so weightless and free was so diferent than walking down to find your mother lying unconscious on the floor, or walking down to fight with your parents when they tried to force you to eat.

„Mum?" Piper entered the kitchen to find her mother sitting at the kitchen counter, a bottle of red wine in her hand.

„What's going on?" Piper asked, feeling like the train that she knew so well already was hitting her like a wrecking ball.

Carol looked up from the bottle, she seemed to look through Piper, like if she was a ghost.

„Mum?"

Shaking her head, Carol smiled at her daughter, putting away the bottle.

„Don't worry, I didn't plan on drinking that." She stood up, stroking Piper over her blonde hair.

„It was just the last bottle we had at home and I was thinking what I should do with it."

She sighed and Piper could feel how much of a struggle this must be for her mum, it was scary.

„So, came to a solution?" Piper asked, afraid of the answer.

Carol smiled again, grabbing the bottle from the counter. She walked over to the sink while opening the screw cap, that the bottle even had a screw cap was a sure sign that this was just a cheap getting drunk wine, and then she poured it into the drain. The look on her face while she did it was surprisingly confident.

It was liked nothing could go wrong right now, everything was scaringly perfect.

„I guess the meeting was good then?"

Carol nodded and Piper could see it in her face. See the relieve, as if someone had finally took the weight off her shoulders, as if someone had told her that after all she didn't need to drown her frustration in wine and booze. As if she hadn't known that herself.

While the sun sunk down outside the window front, painting the leaves in the garden orange, and her mother was telling her everything about her meeting, about the people, about the stories, Piper was asking herself if she should tell her mother about her encouter with Rory.

She wanted to be honest with her mum, wanted to finally trust her and have the relationship with her that she had always wanted.

She had always blamed her mother for their complicated relationship, had blamed her for not being there enough for her, for not being honest enough with her but after all she hadn't been honest and open with her mother either. She had kept quiet about so many things that were important, about her feelings, about her thoughts, about her daily life.

In the end she decided to go with her heart.

„I met somebody friday in the meeting. Somebody I know." She stared on her fingernails while she was telling her mother this, she was nervous. She still wasn't sure how she was feeling about this situation. Rory had texted her twice since, telling her how relieved she felt ever since they had talked and asking her if she wanted to meet next week.

„I... I met Rory. She is in that group too:"

„Oh." Carol sounded surprised, Piper had no idea if she was rather shocked by the news or by the fact that Piper trusted her enough to tell her that.

„Oh?" Piper asked, she already regretted telling her, bracing herself for the blames to come.

„That must be strange for you."

„Strange?" Piper felt like a parrot, a fluffy toy parrot sitting on someone's hand and babbleing and repeating anything someone with a functional brain was saying.

„Well, meeting your first love now that you have a girlfriend must be strange, isn't it?"

It was probably the most heartfelt reaction Piper had ever received from her mother and she was shocked by herself, she had no idea why she always had so little trust in her mum and maybe after all she had just never tried to really get the understanding from her mother she had wanted.

Lying in bed, staring at the ceiling like she did so often, Piper realised that this was probably the best talk she and her mother had ever had. Her mother hadn't blinked an eye while they were talking about Piper's relationship with a girl, about her sexuality, about her feelings for Rory back then and her feelings for Alex now.

She hadn't told her about the whole situation in school and with Nicky, but the decision to not tell her was rather based on the fact that her mum wasn't able to help her in this mess and it was no use to worry her when she had enough worries herself.

* * *

She had to resist the urge to take her Mustang to school on Monday morning, wanting to impress and please her girlfriend, she knew how much she liked that car. But Nicky would probably be on her today and she wasn't willing to take any risks.

Nicky scared the shit out of her and the only thing that helped her go through with going to school was the knowlege that Alex was there and they could hide in the prop room in the breaks until the whole story cooled down a little.

But she didn't even get to the break, when she walked through the hallway, eyes pinned on the yellow floortiles like always, she suddenly was grabbed at the front of her jacket.

Nicky slammed her so hard against the lockerdoors that her head fell backwards against the cold metal and she immediately felt dizzy.

Piper didn't even have enough time to get scared and she was too shocked to get enough air out of her lungs to scream, she fell onto the floor like a dead body that was cut off the gibbet, not even touching the floor completely before the impact of the black boot that aimed for her stomach.

„I told you to stay away from my sister, cunt." Nicky hissed between her teeth before she kicked Piper again.

„You have no idea who you're messing with, bloody bitch. Alex is way too good for you."

Piper curled up into an ebryonic position, trying to protect herself from the brutal attack, her head was hurting and she felt everything circleing around her, her stomach was cramped and she thought she had to throw up blood.

She could also taste the blood in her mouth not sure if she had bit her lip or if that was actually blood rising from her stomach. The next kick hit her knee and it felt like her kneecap was breaking apart, her ears were ringing from the impact she didn't even hear her own scream.

And then she saw her, the raven black hair, the emerald green eyes behind those glasses and the pain in them that seemed to break her soul in pieces.

Piper thought that was it. Alex would put an end to it, an end to this pain that filled her whole body.

But instead Alex covered her mouth with her hand and turned away. She turned away.

So Piper did the same, she closed her eyes and waited for it to end, she didn't open them when Nickols spit into her face, Piper lied there and waited for death, waited until Nichols had finally beat her to death.

But instead of another kick, nothing else happened and Piper wasn't sure if she had lost her conscience. Opening her eyes, there was still a crowd of people standing around her but instead of Nichols, it was another person who was kneeling in front of her. Larry had blood on his hands and anger on his face.

„Piper." he whispered. „She left. I'm here, I'm here. I'm here"

He kept saying that again and again but all Piper wanted to know if she was here. If Alex was here, and why she hadn't done anything.

„Piper." She heard her broken voice before she saw her tearstained face. „Piper."

But Larry reacted faster than Alex could even try to get close enough to Piper to touch her. He jumped up, his hands were clenched into fists and for a second Piper thought he would punch her.

„Back off. Go find your psycho sister and tell her that next time I see her beating Piper, I won't stopp beating her until she's dead. Now get lost, sicko!"

Piper was too weak to fight back, she felt like her body was crashed and there was no intact bone in her anymore. So when Alex looked at her with tears in her eyes, begging, Piper just did what Alex had done and turned her eyes away. She closed her eyes again, all she wanted was to zone out, to forget what was happening around her, but when Larry wanted to take her to the hospital, she gathered the last strengh she had to make him clear that she wasn definitely not going to a hospital.

When he insisted to bring her home at least Piper realised she could not possibly go home like this and her first thought was to let him bring her to Polly but she knew that was not an option, she was not sure if she was able to sit in a car long enough to get to Polly's, aside from the fact that she couldn't expect Larry to make that long drive.

So she did the stupidest and only thing she could think of asking him to take her to the suburbs.

„Piper? What the fuck happened to you?"  
Only then Piper realised that Rory shouldn't be even home at this time, but yet she was staring at her wide eyed, horrified at her sight while the blonde was barely able to stand on her feet.

„I think she should lay down, can we..." Larry, who had his arm wrapped around Piper, holding her upright, pushed past Rory into the house and it took only a second before Rory woke up from her frozen state and helped him carry her up the stairs into her room.

It felt like everything around her was just a blurr, and Piper let it happen, not fighting it, not living it, she just closed her eyes and let it happen. Everything hurt, her legs and her hand and her back and her head and her stomach but what hurt the most was her heart. Alex had just stood there and she had done nothing.

„I'm gonna get her some water, where's your kitchen?"

Piper heard him talk but she didn't listen. Suddenly Rory kneeled by her side, taking her hand in her's.

„Pipes, what happened, tell me."  
A single tear rolled down Piper's face, she couldn't talk, she felt like when she would tell her what had happened, it would get real. More real than it already was.

Larry came back with the water and he sat behind her, leaning her against his chest to hold her upright and she let him do, she even drank the water when he was asking her to. She let it happen.

Rory sat on the other end of the bed, facing her and Piper could see her pain reflecting in Rory's eyes.

„That fucking bitch." Larry mumbled, he had not stopped saying this on the drive here and his hands were still bloody, Piper wasn't sure if it was his, her's or Nichols' blood and she didn't care, she couldn't care about anything, she felt like dead on the inside.

„That stupid fucking bitch."

„What the hell happened?" Rory asked again, this time she looked at Larry while asking this.

„Nichols beat her up. She's a fucking psycho and keeps harrassing everbody at school every fucking day. And now this. And Alex, her fucking stupid arrogant sister, she did nothing about it. She never does anything, they are so sick." He said it all in one breath.

At the mentioning of Alex's name Piper couldn't help herself any longer. The tears started rushing down her cheeks and the anger and disappointment started burning a hole into her guts.

„Wait?" Rory asked, stopping to stroke the back of Piper's hand. „Alex? As in your girlfriend Alex?"

Piper didn't say anything but she saw in Rory's face that she didn't need to say anything.

Larry, who was still holding her upright, stiffened, turning his face to Piper.

„Girlfriend?"

Piper would have laughed. This situation was so absurd, but the urge to cry was way stronger and so she just sank down and started to melt down.

* * *

 **Before you start hating me now, please remember that all of this was supposed to happen right from chapter one, this was all planed and I am not just trying to piss you off ;) Also remember that if Alex had stood up for Piper now that this story would now be done.**

 **But I hope you stay tuned to see what Piper is gonna do and how Alex is gonna hanlde or excuse her unexcusable actions.**

 **Please tell me what you think and don't give up on me ;) like I said this is still a Vauseman fiction.**

 **XXX**


	27. Chapter 27

Her phone had started ringing about an hour after they had arrived at Rory's. Alex had really needed a whole hour to reach out to her, that was just sad and disappointing and Piper didn't want to answer it, she didn't want to talk to her. She didn't want to hear her excuses.

"Come on answer it." Rory pushed her after the 10th call in one hour. "She must be worried about you."

Larry breathed out loud and when Piper turned her face to him, his eyes were filled with contempt. "What?" Piper asked, she felt like she had to protect Alex even though she hadn't done the same for her. Larry hesitated with his answer he seemed to be unwiling to reveal his thoughts, reluctant to be the bad guy or even to hurt Piper, at least that was how Piper would have felt.

"What?" she repeated and Larry sighed.

"Well, if she were that concerned with how you are she wouldn't have just stood there and watched while her freak sister beat the" he coughed and gesticulated with his hand, signaling that he didn't want to say the word "out of you. And then she left you with me instead of taking care of you!"

"You told her to get lost." Piper objected, still trying to find an excuse for Alex. Larry shrugged his shoulders, as if he had already expected her to find that excuse.

"And she did. If it were for me nobody could have sent me away in that moment, I would have stayed no matter what. Just saying."

Rory had listened to them talking patiently, but now she seemed to get angry, she jumped off the bed, turning to Piper, upset. "She is your girlfriend and she doesn't even know where you are. Maybe she was just too much in shock to do anything and she feels sorry already, it's not her fault that her sister is how she is. She at least deserves to know where you are. She's still your girlfriend if you don't see her like that anymore then at least have the decency to break up with her." Rory raged and then grabbed for Piper's ringing phone.

"Hey." She answered the phone, leaving her room while talking to Alex, Piper tried to listen but she couldn't understand a word Rory was saying in the hallway.

"So you're into girls?" Larry asked so silently that Piper could only hear it because she was still leaning against his chest. Her head was still pulsating in pain and her right hand was swollen and bloody from when she had tried to protect her body from Nichols' kicks. She really didn't want to have this conversation with him. She didn't know if she could also fall in love with a guy, just because it hadn't happened yet didn't mean it couldn't happen in the future. And she surely wasn't ready to discuss this with somebody who was so clearly in love with her.

Thank god Rory came back before the silence had gotten too weird and Larry hadn't had time to repeat his question yet. She handed Piper an headache pill.

"So, Alex will be here in half an hour. If you don't wanna talk to her you have to call her and tell her that yourself."

„Arghh Rory!" Piper grunted, half angry, but secretly she was also a bit thankful. At least she now didn't have to make the decision herself.

„Already regretting having me back?" Rory winked, teasing Piper making her smile a little.

„Having her back?" Larry was officially the most confused person in this room and Rory and Piper just ignored him, smiling at each other.

Piper sighed, she knew she had to face Alex at some point so rather do it sooner than later while she had Rory and Larry around.

„Okay, but I don't want her to see me like that." There was blood on her shirt and her hand was covered in dried blood from where the boots had ripped open her skin. Her make up was probably smeared all over her face from crying.

„Ok, so let's clean you up and get you in something... clean and not … ripped." Piper hadn't even realized that there was a tear in her shirt and so she let Rory drag her into the bathroom. Larry followed them but Rory shut the door close in front of his face. „No boys allowed in here."

Larry grunted outside the door.

Rory sat Piper down on the edge of the bathtub, getting a washcloth out a drawer.

„Do you love her?" Rory whispered, kneeling down in front of Piper who was close to crying again. She carelfully cleaned Piper'sface from the tearstains and the blood. Piper winced in pain when the rough tissue scraped her bloody lip. At least the headache pill was slowly starting to kill her pulsating headpain.

„Sorry." Rory tried to clean her lip extra careful and tenderly to not hurt her anymore.

„I love her but I guess that isn't mutual."

Rory smiled at her, stroking her thumb over Piper's cheek, and for a second there was this feeling again that she had already had in the car, a feeling like Rory was about to kiss her.

But instead Rory said: „How is that even possible? How could she not love you, she is your girlfriend. I think you should cut her some slack."

Piper grabbed Rory's wrist to stopp her from cleaning her face.

„Why are you on her side? You don't even know her."

„I'm on nobody's side. I just know what it's like to be a crappy girlfriend. Look, I know exactly that Elliot hates this whole being in the closet thing and that she deserves better. She deserves a girl who is proud to be with her instead of someone who always repudiates and hides her. And I really do love her but that doesn't make it any easier to be brave enough to be a good girlfriend."

That made Piper think. Was Alex feeling the same?

„But why can't you just tell your parents?" Piper didn't understand, she didn't want to accept that being brave was difficult and that's just it.

The look on Rory's face was saying 'You're kidding me?'. She stood up and walked over to the bathroom window, where a stack of clothes were lying on top of the hamper, she didn't look at Piper while talking.

„They sent me away once. They took away my first love and I don't think I can stand losing Elliot too."

Piper felt the blood rushing to her face, it still felt kind of awkward and surreal knowing that Rory had had the same feelings as her back then. She was glad that Rory was staring out of the window instead of looking at her.  
„But you have me back now." She whispered.

„Yeah, but too late." It was almost inaudible and when Rory turned back to her, there was a layer of sadness written all over her face. „I mean, of course it's awesome having you back in my life. But, you know."  
Piper nodded, she knew. It was too late for them, they had already suffered deep scars from what had happened and they had lost the chance to find out what could have happened between the two of them.

„But if somebody beat her up, you would have done something about it."

Rory sighed, sitting herself down on the hamper.  
„Somebody yes. But if it was my mum who beat her up, honestly, I have no idea what I would have done. I mean if I stopped her in that second, what would happen on the long run? It would maybe get even worse. Is that cowardly and dumb and falseand selfish? Yeah, but I think if you are in that situation and everything happens so fast, wrong and right aren't the things crossing your mind. Just shock and fear and I don't know. At least that is what I would have felt. So try and cut her some slack, ok? At least let her explain."

Piper shrugged her shoulders, she had no idea what to do. She wanted to forgive Alex, she wanted to believe that she really loved her, but when she listened to her heart, all she could hear was pain and disappointment. She felt like Alex had cut into her heart with a razorblade and her blood was oozing out at every heartbeat.

Rory grabbed the hem of Piper's bloodstained, formerly white shirt.

„May I?"

Piper hesitated, she was still pretty insecure with her body. But then she remembered that Rory was suffering from the same insecurities like she did and so she nodded, letting Rory pull her shirt over her head.

Then the brunette started cleaning Piper's hand that was still covered in blood and again Piper winced in pain, her hand was red and swollen, it was probably broken.

„We really should go to a doctor with that." Rory said, while wrapping her hand with a bandage from the medicine cabinet.

„Here, I wore it once already but it's better than yours." She helped Piper to don a shirt from the stack of clothes on the hamper.

„What is taking so long?" Larry sounded annoyed and a little bit jealous, waiting there in Rory's room for the two girls to get finished.

Piper was already moving towards the door, when Rory held her back.

„One last question. Who is he?" she nodded towards the door, speaking silently to make sure Larry wasn't listening.

„He... he is a friend." Piper didn't exactly know what to say, she didn't really know how to describe him. Who was he?

The brunette looked deep in her eyes, as if she was trying to read her soul. „He's in love with you."

She said, as if it wasn't obvious.  
The blonde shrugged her shoulders: „At least one person." she whispered, grinning a little.  
„What?"  
„Just kidding." Piper laughed for a second until she felt a sharp pain ripping open the chap in her lip and she remembered why she was here, what had happened.

That second the doorbell rang and she knew the moment was here, she had to face Alex.

Rory took her not broken hand, pushing it encouraging, reassuringly. „You're ready?"  
„No."

Piper had no chance to avoid this talk, if she didn't face her now she had to face her tomorrow or the day after that. There was no way around it.

When she walked into the kitchen, Alex was already standing there, leaned against the table, looking exhausted and as if she had cried.

Larry had let her in after Rory had asked him to, so Piper had another minute to breathe.

Piper let go of Rory's hand right before she entered the kitchen. Alex wouldn't get that she didn't hold her hand because she had feelings, but because she needed to feel supported.

Larry stood a few metres aways from Alex, looking at her in contempt. He was clearly angry and now that he knew that the two of them were a couple, he thought even less of Alex, the girl who had the girl he wanted and treated her like this.

„Hey." Alex said, attempting a smile that looked so full of discomfort.

„Hi." Rory walked towards the raven haired girl, outstretching her hand to introduce herself. Alex took the hand, rather reluctant. But Piper assumed she was also thankful because Rory had gotten her here.

The brunette nodded towards Larry and then towards the door to signal him that they should probably leave the two of them alone. The boy looked like he'd rather stay, but Rory stared at him until he finally gave in and walked out the kitchen, with a last threatening look towards Alex. Rory pushed Piper's hand a last time, giving her a smile before she walked out and closed the door behind her.

Alex didn't say anything, she couldn't even look at her and kept staring on the floor instead. Piper didn't even consider saying anything, she was not able to, she felt like frozen.

Like paralysed.

Her lip was bleeding again and when Alex lifted her head and saw the red liquid dropping onto the floor, she outstretched her arm like she wanted to make it stop.

Piper took a step backwards, even though they were already standing so faw from each other that Alex had no chance of touching her by just outstrechting her arm.

„Don't." Piper said, her voice cold as ice to cover the pain.

„Piper." Alex whispered, her arm still outstretched, without moving. Piper hadn't seen her like this, she looked small and weak, but Piper couldn't feel anything. She didn't feel pity, she didn't feel hate, she didn't feel strange. All she felt was cold, and hollow.

She thought she would ask her why, why she had done nothing, why she still stood to her sister, although she was a monster. But now, that Alex was standing in front of her, a tear rolling down her cheek, she didn't want to know, she didn't want to hear those excuses.

„Let me explain." Alex cried, she sounded really desperate.

„What would it change? I know your excuses already, all of them." Piper knew there was only one thing that Alex could say that would maybe change something, if she told her that she loved her, then maybe, just maybe they could find a solution to this.

It was dumb, but it was the reality.

* * *

Thanks guys for all of your many many comments. I see that last chapter was very upsetting and so I wanted to answer a few comments. I don't think Larry is better or worse than Alex, he just had had different experiences in his life and that for acts and reacts differently. Nobody is just black or white, good or evil. And love is clearly not about being with someone 'good' or 'not good', it's about your heart wanting someone despite what your brain wants, right? And I do think Alex is a hero here in her own way, maybe not to Piper but she sacrifices so much for her family, for Nicky, for Diane and I think that is pretty heroic. Has Alex made mistakes, hell yes. Is she a bad person because of it and deserves no forgiveness? No, she is still human and humans are full of mistakes. (And just because you don't know Alex's reasons and motives yet, doesn't mean she didn't have them, remember you only see and know what Piper knows.) And maybe Larry isn't the shining knight he seems to be in Piper's eyes. Also this story is not suppossed to be a romantic comedy or even a lovestory. I actually don't think this story is really about love itself, it's more about the moment when you have to learn To fight for yourself and when you have to decide what kind of person you wanna be. So if anybody doesn't want to continue reading this story that is okay, I get that this story is not for everybody and there is nothing bad about that. Still I'm gratful and happy for every person reading and supporting. You are awesome. XXX


	28. Chapter 28

„Piper, please, I know you hate me right now." Alex hadn't let her arm sink, she still reached out for Piper, as if she wanted to be as close to her as possible but giving her the space she needed at the same time. Maybe she was just scared.

„I hate myself. You never should have met me." her raspy voice sounded like shredded by a grater, weak, breaking and seeing her like this made Piper sad. How had they let it come so far?

Alex's words hurt Piper and she wasn't able to keep her coldhearted front any longer.

„You regret meeting me?"

Shaking her head, Alex looked totally upset, rattled. „No. Meeting you was …. the best thing that ever happened to me. But I told you before, I'm not good for you."

Now Alex's arm sunk down slowly and Piper could feel her backening off from her on the inside, she felt that Alex was about to say a goodbye, but Piper wouldn't let her get away so easily.

„That is easy, isn't it. Just say you're not good and so you'll never have to change."

Piper angrily whiped away the blood from her lip using her bandaged hand and the red stripe on the white tissue was shining absurdily bright.

„Pipes, your hand." Alex sounded shocked, as if she hadn't realised that Piper was hurt until now.

„Yeah, tell your sister a big thank you. Always wanted to know what it's like to break a bone." The sarcasm in her voice was one of her new gadgets against being vulnerable, a thing she had learned from Alex. She felt like she had gotten colder and maybe Alex was right, maybe she just wasn't a good person. But what had Rory said, it's not always easy being brave enough to be a good person, or something like that?

„I am so so sorry Pipes, so sorry that she did this." The tears on Alex's perfect and unscathed face were making it hard for Piper to stopp feeling harmed, like they had suffered really deep damage, maybe an unrepearable one.

„Yeah and you did nothing."

Alex sunk to her knees at Piper's words, she had to hold herself at the counter to not fall on the floor completely, she sat there on, kneeling, holding onto the counter as onto the mere life. Her body was shaking from sobbing and Piper just stood there, watching her girlfriend melt down.

This relationship was toxic to both of them and to be honest, they had known that for a long time.

Piper felt like walking to her, wrapping her arms around her and make it stopp. Make the pain stopp, make the crying stopp. She felt so distant from this situation, felt paralyzed, like she was just a spectator to a very bad movie or a bad dream. She saw the pain in Alex, yet she was unable to do anything about it.

„I just want you to be happy." Alex whispered between two sobs, she was clearly trying to get her shit together, but then she sank on the floor, leaning her back against the counter, looking up to Piper, her eyeliner smeared all over her face.

„You just don't want to have to be the person who makes me happy, right?"  
Piper felt like watching herself from a distance, who was this cold, tranquil person, standing there?

„Piper!" Alex sobbed, desperate. „What should I do?"

„For example save me from getting beaten bloody?" The blonde crossed her arms in front of her chest, she still felt barely anything. And Alex stared at her with her green, teary eyes.  
„I wanted to. I really wanted to but I couldn't, I couldn't move." her voice was full of pain, full of hate and selfloath.

„I was like, I don't know … I was like paralyzed and when I finally realised what was happening, this fucker was already there beating Nicky directly in the face."

„Don't call him a fucker. He is a better person than you are." Piper spat out, disgusted of all these excuses and self-righteousness.

„I know." Alex whispered, not at all self-righteous. „Tell him thanks for stopping Nicky. I wish I had punched her in the face, just this one time."

Piper actually had to smile a little at these words, just because she also wished that Alex had punched her sister in the face, punched her hard, punched her bloody. But on the other hand, she just wanted that after all Alex was brave enough to stand up against Nichols always, not only when someone was been beaten up. She wanted Alex to be brave enough to stand also up for herself and for her. She didn't know if she could be with someone who was so chicken, she needed someone strong.

„Yeah, I wish that too." She stated the honest and obvious.

Alex tried a smile back, but it was weak and not really convincing and she gave up on the attempt immediately. She had stopped sobbing but the tears were still silently rolling down her face, while she sat on sunken down on the floor.

„She is still my sister, you know. Even though I hate her right now, I still love her."

„What about me?" Piper couldn't stopp herself, the question was out before she was even able to think about it. She was afraid of the answer, afraid of not getting an answer.

And Alex kept staring at her, biting her lip until it was bloody like Piper's. She sighed and whiped away the blood from her lip, staring at the red liquid and then looking back at Piper's bandaged bloodstained hand.

„Can I bring you to the hospital please?" Alex asked and Piper just shook her head.

„Rory's gonna take care of that." She wanted to piss Alex off, mad that she wouldn't say what she wanted her to say, she wanted to hurt Alex.

„Oh right." Alex stated, scraping off the black lacquer of her index finger, the tears had not stopped running and she looked like a shot animal sitting there on the floor, looking at Piper as if she was begging for mercy.

But then she pulled herself together, perceptible. She pulled herself up at the counter, standing up from the floor and whiping away the tears. She let all air out of her lungs.

„Sorry" she said, her voice frantically steady. „Sorry, for the meltdown, I know I have no right to after today."

But Piper didn't care, she didn't think Alex had no right to meltdown because she knew how hard it was watching someone you love be in pain, so there was just one question that it all came down to and she knew she had to aks it.

„Do you love me?" she asked, making herself vulnerable again.

„Piper..." Alex started talking, but she didn't finish what she was about to say. But Piper needed to hear it, she needed an answer, she needed to hear yes or no so she could finally get closure.

„It's not that hard of a question. Yes or no?"

Alex immediately got upset, her voice that had been so weak before got louder and the tears rushed back to her eyes. „It is a hard question, you have no idea."  
They stood a few metres apart from each other but it felt like the world was standing between them.  
„So it's a no?"

„Piper, I'm not gonna choose between my sister and …..." Alex sighed, she clearly struggled to find the words, but what came out of her mouth then was the stupidest and most asshole thing she had ever said. „...sex."

That was enough for Piper, she had been ready to leave everything behind, she had been ready to forgive and give Alex another chance, all she needed was to know that Alex had the same feelings she did, that Alex and their relationship was worth another shot.

And for the first time Piper was the one leaving Alex behind. She exited the kitchen and she knew she didn't need to say any more to make it clear that this was the end.

„Send her away." She said while passing Rory on her way upstairs. She ran up the stairs to get away from Alex as far as possible, not because she didn't want to see her, although she was mad, it was because she was afraid that she might change her mind when Alex started begging or discussing.

She heard Alex cry downstairs but she wasn't quite sure if she really heard that through the door and hallway or if her mind was playing tricks on her. She pushed Rory's door close to stopp the noise in her ear and it worked, the crying was gone and Piper sighed, suddenly the tears were rolling down her face.

"What happened?" There he was, her knight in a shining armour, he walked up to her, laying his hands on her shoulders to soothe her. That was the final straw and the tears started now rolling down her face uncontrollably.

"I broke up with her." she sobbed, tasting the salt on her lips, feeling the wetness of her tears and suddenly she felt something else, felt the urgent need to be loved, to feel wanted. She was so hurt, felt so rejected that all she wanted was to get a little bit comfort and a little bit warmth.

So when Larry wrapped his arms around her, trying to soothe her, out of an sudden, stupid impulse, she pressed her lips on his.

She tasted the salt from her own tears on his lips and she felt nothing. There was no comfort, there was no warmth, she just felt empty and incomplete.

Larry kissed her back at first, but then he pushed her away, carefully but firm.

Piper looked at him, she couldn't read in his face like she could in Rory's or Alex's sometimes and then she tried to kiss him again, she had no idea why. He held her back, not letting her get close to him again.

„Don't do that!" he said, his voice was upset, angry even. „Don't use me as your rebound!"

Piper had never seen him this firm and angry and she was kind of surprised. Of course what she did was shitty and she already regretted pissing off the only person that hadn't been a dick to her today, but at the same time she wanted him to want her, so bad.

„But I thought you liked me?" she whispered, she had been rejected twice now today and her confidence was drowning in the ocean of sorrow in her heart.

„Yeah, but you obviously don't like me. Otherwise you wouldn't have tried to kiss me five seconds after breaking up with your girlfriend." He grabbed his jacket off the floor. „I don't know what the fuck is wrong with the two of you and I really don't want to get dragged into this mess. I thought I was here to help you, I thought you needed me because you have been beaten up and things are going bad for you, but now you're a couple with the sister of your bully who is no inch better than her sister. You take advantage of me to punish her or whatever?! Seriously Piper, I really like you but this is way too fucked up for me. Sorry"

He threw her a last angry look and then left the room without looking back. What had she done? How could she have been so stupid and such an asshole. The tears were still running down her face as she let herself fall onto the bed.

As she lay there on this unknown bed, staring at the white ceiling that looked just like her's; the loneliness hit her like a truck, she hadn't felt this alone ever since she met Alex and only now she realised, even though Alex had let bad things happen to her and she was an asshole for doing this, how much better her life had been with Alex around. She had been a happier person, a stronger one, she had laughed so much in these past couple of weeks that all her problems had seemed to resolve themselves slowly.

She had faced her mother and their relationship had started to grow healthier, she was sure she would have never accomplished that if she hadn't met Alex, who had boosted her confidence to no end.

For a second she started regretting what she had done, she felt bad for letting Alex cry and do nothing about it and she already missed her like she had lost a leg.

But as long as Alex wasn't able to face her sister, to put the monster she had helped creating in her place and to free herself from her manipulative regime, then how could she even try being with her, how could she put herself at risk for Alex, and if she didn't love Piper, then it wasn't even worth trying, was it?

* * *

 **I know I had been gone for a while now and I wanted to explain why. I've been reading all of your reviews to the last two chapters and I reread my whole story and took all of your comments in consideration and I realized some of them were very true and I also realized, answering your comments, trying to defend myself hadn't done any favor to anyone.**

 **I feel like I have let myself get way too much influenced by some comments lately (and therefore sometimes felt the need to defend myself or some characters, which gave off a wrong impression of my intentions). But I don't want to lose track of my story or of my intentions behind it so I decided to finish the last chapters completely like I had planned them right from the beginning and will now upload them one after the other over the next two weeks probably.**

 **That does not mean I don't appreciate your comments, not at all, they really help me learn but I feel I have to trust myself more again right now and I really hope you will do too.**

 **Lots of love XXX**


	29. Chapter 29

Alex's calls had gotten less and less over the week. Piper hadn't answered a single one of them, she was way too afraid that she might give in once she heard that voice she had fallen in love with about two months ago and whenever she saw the number on the screen the tear in her heart cracked open again and not seeing it there was bad as well.

Was Alex even missing her? Was she still thinking of her even when she was not calling?

Piper missed her like crazy and she felt like there was nothing that could heal her pain. She had never ever felt this lonely in her life, now she was all on her own.

She had hidden herself in her room, had crawled under her blanket, had stopped eating, had stopped doing homework or going to school, she didn't even take the painkillers the doctor had given her. The pulsating pain in her hand was the only thing that made her feel alive. Other than that she felt like she was dead already, or at least she wanted to be.

Wanted to die here in her bed so that she didn't have to feel this anymore.

She didn't want to see anybody. She had secluded herself from her new relationship with her mum, had not told her why she looked the way she did, even though her mother kept asking, kept worrying, she just had stopped talking.

There was nobody on this earth who could possibly understand her pain, that was what sure about.

Who could have understood how much she missed that one person that had treated her in the best and in the worst way she had ever been treated in her life.

Alex had carried her on her hands and had watched her beeing kicked with feet and all Piper felt was the need to crawl back into the time when there were only she and Alex in a dusty old room, sharing a sofa, sharing kisses, ignoring the rest of the world.

Whenever she closed her eyes, she could see it, could see Alex's warm eyes looking at her, full of affection and so she refused to open her eyes more often than absolutely necessary. Alex could as well have died, her pain couldn't have been deeper.

If she had been able to made her heart stopp loving the raven haired girl, she would have without even hesitating, but she couldn't, she still loved her so incredibly much.

Missing Alex did not only hurt in her heart, she could feel the pain physically and she felt like her body was betraying her, punishing her for falling in love with the wrong person.

She refused to talk to Polly, knowing that Polly had hated Alex all along. She refused to see Rory, she didn't want to admit, but deep down she was blaming Rory for pushing her, for taking Alex's side over her's, something she still didn't quite understand.

On the other hand, it was not Rory's fault that Alex didn't love her.

But still, she didn't know who to trust, there was nobody who could have helped to stopp the pain, nobody but Alex. Alex who came around telling her she loved her, telling her that she had finally stood up to Nicky and promised to protect her. But she didn't know if this Alex was even existant or if she had only been in love with a picture of Alex that she had wanted to see, a picture that was only existant in her head.

Whenever she felt like her eyes could not find the water anymore to cry another single tear, the salty oceans started streaming down her face again, unstoppable and she already feared that they would never stop.

It was Friday already and she hadn't taken a single shower since she had crawled into her bed on Monday. She had not said a single word since Wednesday and she felt like the hole in her was growing bigger and bigger so that it would probably absorb her completely eventually, until she was not there anymore, and maybe, just maybe the pain would stop then.

On Saturday she realized that the hole was not gonna vanish her and so she finally put her strength together and moved her agonised body from the bed into the shower, the cast around her hand wrapped in a plastic bag, letting the water run down her face, mutening the world.

She had her eyes open, looking through the steady stream of water that mingled with her tears and it seemed like the layer of liquid was keeping her apart from everything around her, like a bubble keeping her safe but never letting her out.

Her legs were not able to hold her upright any longer and so she sat down on the cold, porcelain floor of the shower, wrapping her arms around her knees, staring into the nothing.

She had no clue how long she had been sitting there, but her skin had gotten cold where the water was not touching her and she was shivering, her lips blue, goosebumps all over. She knew she should have gotten out and put some clothes on.

But what for?

She couldn't find the power and will to move, to stand up and do something else than wallow in her pain.

There were a hundred books out there writing about lovesickness, a hundred actors had played this in their movies but none of those had ever come close to what Piper was feeling right now. She would never be happy again, never laugh again, never love again.

Promising herself to never fall in love again for the rest of her life, she finally managed to get back into her bed. But she didn't get to stay there very long until her mother came in.

There was a time when Piper had wished that her mother would be as concerned about her as she was now. But in this second Piper just wished she would leave her alone.

Carol didn't leave her.

Piper had not only neglected her work for school but also her chores at home and Carol had been given her the time she had needed but now she forced her daughter to get dressed.

There was a lot to do around the house and in the garden and Carol didn't allow Piper to lay in her bed any longer.

The blonde could not believe how her mother could possibly think that she would still care for any of her responsibilities while she just felt like fallen apart, but she was too weak to fight her, too weak to fight with anybody anymore. She had lost Alex, had aleniated Larry and she could not stand getting into a fight with her mother as well.

They went into the garden and Piper found it absurd to work in that dirty environment when her mother normally had a gardener take care of that, she didn't understand why she suddenly had to do this, especially since she only had one hand to work with. But at least her mother was helping her, they worked next to each other in silence while Cal was trying to be a helping hand, but also he was pretty quiet. And feeling the cold earth beneath her fingers, breathing in the fresh, cold air, smelling the roses they were surrounded by actually made her feel herself again for that moment.

The past days had passed slowly, every second taking what felt like hours while the wavy grain of her bedpost had become blurry in front of her eyes.

But being around her family, doing something else than staring, let the time pass so fast, she had almost forgotten that time was relative. Two hours later her back hurt from kneeling, her hand was freezing and cramping from pulling weeds out of the ground but she had spent two hours without crying and her heart felt a little bit lighter inside her chest.

Cal's stomach had been the first to start grumbleing, soon Carol's and Piper's followed his lead and when her mum brought them sandwiches into the garden, Piper actually managed to eat a few bites.

After Cal had went inside for playing, Piper and her mother stayed sitting on the perfectly mowed meadow and Piper looked at her mother, who she hadn't seen sitting on her bottom on the floor ever since she could remember.

„Have you fired the gardener?" she asked, it was the first words she had spoken in days and her voice sounded a bit raw from keeping still.

„No." Carol answered, outstretching her arm to stroke Piper over her blonde hair in a motherly gesture. And her tenderness was like medicine to Piper's sore soul.

„Grandma always made me do gardening when I was being depressive and lovesick , so I thought maybe it would work on you too." Carol smiled at her warmly and Piper closed her eyes, taking in the feeling of being loved that she had needed so desperately. Her mum was a better mother than Piper had thought, at least she was becoming so.

„Thanks, mum." Piper whispered, feeling the gras with her fingertips.

„Do you want to tell me what happened?" There was no pressure in her voice, though Piper was sure that it was hard for her to restrain herself from prying why she and Alex had split up; that was all she knew. Piper had not told her anything about the circumstances and she had lied about her injuries, but her mother had already figured that Alex was a topic that was off the table.

The blonde shook her head, she could not talk about it, even thinking about what had happened was too painful.

Carol pecked Piper a kiss on the forehead. „But you know you can tell me when you are ready right?"

Piper nodded and that evening when she was lying in her bed, staring into the dark, waiting for sleep to come and take away the sorrow for a few hours, she didn't feel as empty and hopeless as she had felt ever since her breakup with Alex.

* * *

It was barely ten on sunday when the doorbell rang and Piper's heart sunk under the mattress, hiding itself in pain. She had blocked Alex's number yesterday before going to bed, knowing that if she wanted to get closure eventually she had to stopp being reminded of Alex all the time. And she still feared she might give in to Alex's calls and then she would get dragged back into this mess all from the start again. Now when there was suddenly someone standing in front of the door on a sunday morning, panic came up her throath, tasting like gall.

And when her mother called her name Piper was sure she had to face Alex again, had to look in her eyes and the disappoinment would tear her apart again. But who entered her room after a carful knocking was not the raven haired, it were Polly and Rory who stood there like beaten dogs. Piper grunted, even if she felt a little bit better than the past days, she didn't want to see anybody, especially not Rory. She didn't need another 'cut her some slack' speach. She wished Larry would come by instead, she wished she hadn't screwed up with him.

"What do you want?" she grunted, and turned them her back. She felt somebody fall down on her mattress and from the weight she guessed it was her best friend.

"Pipes. You really have to get out of bed, I can't watch you throw your life away for that bitch." It definitely was Polly who was sitting behind her, crawling her fingers through Piper's hair because she knew Piper liked that, nobody knew her like Polly did and Piper had not even noticed how much she had missed her.

The tears started rolling once again and when she felt Polly wrap her arms around her she turned to face her best friend, hugging her back and she let the tears flow.

"Gosh if I ever see her I rip her nostrils off with my fingernails." Pol whispered into Piper's ear and the blonde was glad that Rory didn't hear it and come to Alex's defense. Polly made Piper smile a little and after a little time she calmed down again and felt a little bit better. She should have called Polly right from the start.

Rory stood there, leaning against the door and looked like she didn't belong here. It made Piper feel sorry even though she still felt annoyed. She patted the matress and Rory looked relieved and grateful while walking around to sit next to them. After Polly, who hadn't known everything yet, was informed about everything that happened Piper felt even shittier for trying to kiss Larry and Polly's scolding look didn't help to clear her conscience.

"Wanna hear my opinion?" Polly asked, while holding Piper's hand and looked at her, there was no pity iIn her eyes and Piper was grateful for that. The blonde nodded, even though she was half scared of Polly's answer.

"I think you should apologize to him. You've been really unfair and even if he doesn't want to ever be have something to do with you again, he deserves an apology. He saved you and he was there for you."

Piper sighed, she knew Polly was right but she was so scared of Larry's reaction, his words had really hurt her even though they were true, or maybe exactly because of that.

"You're right." she whispered, grabbing for her phone. If she was doing this then she should better do it now before her fear could make her change her mind.

But Rory held her back on her wrist. "Don't you think it'd be more important to reach out to Alex right now than to him?" she whispered, probably knowing that she wasn't about to receive the happiest reaction.

"Why should she? She is better off without that bitch." Polly's voice got loud immediately and Piper felt the tension tighten.

"But she loves her and Alex is not..."

Now Piper had to stopp her, sensing that she was about to explode.

"Stopp! Don't start again." she knew it herself, she knew that Alex was not a monster, she knew Alex had suffered in her life but she also knew getting back with her would only cause her to never change and then one day she would have enabled Alex to be that person who knew no right and wrong, just like Alex was doing with Nicky. Plus Rory's steady pushing kept ripping her wounds open every time.

"I'm sorry but I still think you were too harsh. You should cut her some slack." Now Piper, who had already moved towards the door with her phone in hand whirled around, all her pain and frustration exploding in that second.

"No! All you want is to make yourself feel better about being an asshole girlfriend." she screamed, shocked by her own intensity "You're only defending her because you know deep down you're the same coward she is! And if I could forgive Alex then maybe there is absolution for you too. But you know what, fuck yourself!" She rushed out her room, leaving behind a shocked and offended Rory and kicked the door shut behind her.

Piper felt bad immediately, she had been way harsher than she had intended to be and her accusations had not been completely fair, but she was so damn angry and she knew she was not completely wrong. And right now she had to make up for her old mistakes and so she breathed out deeply before clicking on Larry's name in her address book. She feared he had blocked her or would ignore her but he picked up after the second ring and his voice sounded so concerned that Piper could have hugged him for still caring after she had used him so bad.

"Piper?"

"Hey..." They both were silent for a moment until Piper found her voice.

"I... I've been an asshole." She waited, but when he didn't object, she went on. "Look I know what I've done was unforgiveable and I could hit myself for it. I am deeply sorry."

She heard Larry sigh over the phone and she wished she could see his face.

"Thanks." He said, short but Piper knew it was honest.

"I might not have the same feelings that you have, but you have been one of the best things in my life lately. And I could really use a friend, so if you could give me a second chance maybe I can make it up to you."

"Friends?" Larry repeated and his voice was not revealing his thoughts.

"Friends." Piper answered, hoping she hadn't screwed up once again. Larry didn't say anything and the blonde already thought he had hung up when he started talking again.

"I think I could use a friend, too."

Piper started crying again but this time it was gratefulness that brought the tears to her eyes.

"See you in school tomorrow?" He asked and she answered with a "Yeah." before he hung up and she stould there in the hallway feeling like at least something had turned out okay.

"Piper?" Rory's voice was silent and shy as she came out of Piper's room carefully, closing the door again. Piper felt her conscience weigh down on her and as she was in the process of apologizing already she just went on with it.

"I'm sorry, Ror. I shouldn't have said that."

"No." Rory said, staring on the floor between them, her face red "I should apologize to you. You... you were right, at least part time... Seeing you so hurt and mad at your girlfr... sorry.. your ex, made me feel shitty about myself and I … I wanted to make myself feel better about how I handle things with Elliott... Because if she can be forgiven, then maybe I am not so bad either... But that's not all." her face took an even darker shade of red, if that was even possible.

"Maybe deep down I thought that if you had a girlfriend then I wouldn't have to ask myself if Elliott is the only reason you and me..." she didn't finish her sentence, looking at Piper's reaction full of fear but Piper didn't react at all she had no idea what to say.

"I am so sorry, I know it was fucked up and I promise you I won't drag you into my mess again. Maybe if you could give me a second chance, then we could start over?" Piper could feel the pain and selfloath in Rory's words and she knew she had been on the other end of this conversation only minutes ago, begging someone for forgiveness. She had been forgiven.

"As friends?" she asked, to make sure that there were no more misconceptions and fights and drama waiting on her doormat.

"As friends." Rory answered, obviously relieved. And Piper felt like she had lost her love but maybe she had won two friends and maybe she could get happy again, eventually.

* * *

 **Reading all your comments I'm amazed by how involved you are in the story and the characters.**

 **I never thought that what was suppossed to be my little story would cause so many emotions and I feel really blessed (also a little terrified and under pressure ;)))**

 **I hope in the end I will be able to satisfy you but I wanna say thank you already for all your support, for your help and for your opinions. XXX**

 **(There will be two more chapters after this one and like I said before I'm considering publishing a few chapters from Alex's POV/childhood scenes etc.)**


	30. Chapter 30

Going to school the next day was not only tough, it felt like the hardest thing she ever had to do in all her life, harder than eating, harder than coming out, harder than finding your mother drunk. She dreaded the moment she would see her ex-girlfriend again, terrified of the moment she saw Nichols and had to face her, she was so in panic that she had to throw up twice that morning without even forcing herself to like she usually did.

The evening before she had promised herself to ignore Alex, no looking at her or even in her direction and especially no talking to her. And she intended to keep that promise.

Larry had texted her and promised to pick her up from her car on the parking lot and keeping an eye on her before she could even ask him to, he probably knew how scared Piper was and how much of an effort it was to stop hiding herself in her bed behind her locked bedroom door.

She was so grateful that Larry had forgiven her, that she hadn't scared him off for good, and it helped her to forgive herself as well. Of course she knew she had been in an extraordinary situation, had been a wreck, who just wanted to forget her pain, but still, it had been shitty and she would not have been able to forgiven herself if she had lost the only friend she had in school, or the only person that could become a friend some day.

Piper didn't like the person she was without Alex, she had done so many stupid, pathetic things since the breakup and she had lost all her confidence, and only partly because of the beating itself, of course lying on the floor bleeding, surrounded by a bunch of spectators hadn't quite helped her pride, but now she also realized how much her confidence had been dependent on Alex.

She had built her confidence on the pedestal of being wanted by another person and now with that person gone, she found herself lying on the floor in between the fragments of that crashed pedestal.

But that was not going to happen again, she would be confident in herself from now on, just because she was how she was and she had to be proud of herself to be finally happy and healthy and she really wanted to be that.

She would not let any person decide whether she was worthy or not again, not let anybody define who she was but herself.

So when she walked into school she carried her head up high, Larry next to her – of course he had kept his promise, being the nice guy he was - she didn't quite feel the confidence yet, but she was sure that she just had to behave like she had confidence then she sooner or later she would believe herself, maybe. C'est sourire qui rend heureux.

Waiting for the moment she could punish Alex with ignorance, she let herself guard to her classroom, only to find that Alex wasn't there,yet, neither was Nichols.

But after all, why was that even a surprise, the raven haired was not really one of the over-punctual people, so why did she even expect her to be there yet?

As Larry saw the fear in Piper's eyes, he offered to stay a little bit longer before going to his own class.

But Piper knew she eventually would have to face the two sisters and Larry couldn't be at her side all the time.

They agreed on meeting in the break and only then Piper realized that she would probably never go back to her safe spot again. It hadn't been clear to her yet but it just didn't feel like her safe spot anymore, it had been their cave, their fortress, their lovenest and everything in it would remind her of Alex, of the time they had spent in there. All the talks, all the kisses, all the touchs. So going there was no option anymore if she wanted to get over her heartbreak eventually.

Alex didn't come to first lesson, or to second, or at all that day. Neither did her sister. That shouldn't be a surprise also.

Both of them were known for skipping school regularly, but Piper had almost forgotten about it until now since Alex had nearly been at school every day ever since they had become girlfriends.

Now that they weren't anymore, skipping school was probably on the top of Alex's list again. She should have known, she knew Alex, knew how little she cared about school or how little she let herself care about school, she had cared about sex that was all. Without that, she had no reason to come.

Plus the raven haired was probably as terrified as her from seeing each other again.

Alex wasn't in school on tuesday or wednesday either and Piper had no idea how to feel about it. A part of her was glad that she didn't have to face her and hoped Alex and Nicky would never come back, a part of her just wanted to get over with it dreading the moment of the encounter every morning all over again. And then there was another part in her, a part that still missed Alex like crazy, a part that felt like she couldn't stand the thought of never seeing her again, not feeling her again.

The only reliable constant these days was Larry who was always by her side, trying to protect her from all the people bothering her, constantly asking questions and implying theories about Nicky and the fight. Piper felt like being harrassed by paparazzi, she was the new schooltopic and suddenly she was so interesting that everybody wanted to talk to her.

Even though Piper had only gotten beaten without even trying to fight back, she and Larry were the ones who, at least in the official version, had finally given Nichols what she had deserved for so long, a proper beat up and a huge blow to her dignity. The redhead had clearly lost some of her repute through her aggressive freak out and the hits she had to take and especially hiding herself now had fueled the gossip about her.

While it seemed like Piper had gained that sympathy she had always wanted, only that now it felt wrong and disgusting. All of these people who had never said a word to her, who had treated her like a leprosy patient and who had never done anything to help her or each other suddenly wanted to sit at her lunch table and be her friends.

It was ridiculous.

Only the old Nichols' gang were still hating on her like they had always done, they gathered in a group always keeping their distance but still close enough so that they could disdain her, let her feel the threat and contempt all the time. But apart from that they were surprisingly harmless and rueful without their great leader around and Piper lost a lot of her fear of them.

Nichols was probably hiding herself from the disgrace of having been beaten up and would probably be back as soon as her bruises had faded and she could walk back into the halls with her head up high. Every morning Piper was checking on her own bruises that were turning from black to blue to green and slowly to yellow. She was sure that once the dark spots on her body were faded completely, so were Nicky's and then she would have to face the bully again.

The only question she couldn't answer like this was when would Alex be back? Would she come back at all?

When there was still no Alex at school on thursday Piper felt the loneliness weighing down on her even more than the days before. Even if she didn't want to admit it, she missed Alex, especially that day and she didn't realize why until the dreams she had had the night before started flashing back into her mind again.

She sat in the classroom, the hard chair under her butt and the scratched surface of the wooden desk under her hands, but all she could feel were Alex's soft lips on her's, she could feel the breeze of Alex's breath on her upper lip and smell the mint scent of her gum. Alex's hands were stroking softly over her waist, scraping that spot where it tickled a tiny little bit and felt completely intimate at the same time. She managed to whipe away her tears before anyone could see them but the tear in her heart that had just started to get a little bit smaller ripped open all over again, letting the black, heavy liquid that was where her blood should be run through her guts again.

Would it ever stopp hurting?

„Hey, would you go to that party with me tomorrow night? Paul's parents are on a trip. So he is ... "

Piper did barely listen to the soft warm words next to her, she was too focused on avoiding to look at anybody around her. She didn't want to talk to anybody anymore, couldn't stand the hypocrisy and all those liars who pretended like they had been friends forever. Couldn't stand the nosy questions and the absurd rumours.

Instead she ripped her food into little pieces, trying to make it look like she was actually eating something.

„Piper?" Larry ripped her out of her depressive trance.

„Huh?"

His warm eyes were full of sympathy, like they could see right through her eyes into her soul, see the ocean of pain she was drowning in again, he lied his hand on her forearm for a second in a brotherly gesture but then pulled it back again. „Party? Tommorrow?"

Piper shrugged her shoulders, she had no idea what she should do on a friday evening. She hated parties, hated people right now as well and she really dreaded spending her time with those numbnut hypocrites any longer than she had to, but sitting at home alone, with nothing that could keep her distracted from her thoughts about Alex. Polly at Pete's, Rory at Elliot's.

Not that anything could distract her anyways, really.

„Come on. Maybe a little distraction is good for you and if it's stupid we can always go."  
Again Piper shrugged her shoulders, but then, out of a spontaneous impuls she nodded. What did it matter where she was waiting for her heart to feel like being in one piece again?

Larry's eyes lit up in surprise, he obviously hadn't expected her to say yes. Neither had she.

„Great, I pick you up at nine?"  
„No!" her voice had come out louder than she had intended to, drawing attention to her person once more. Oh how she hated this situation, she kind of wished being invisible again. She lowered her voice.

„I mean, Can I pick you up?" she didn't want to be dependent on anybody, she wanted the oportunity to flee any second if she had to.

Larry looked at her in confusion but then he shrugged his shoulders, he had given up on always trying to understand Piper days ago.

He nodded, before he brought his attention back to the rubbery steak on the plate in front of him, putting a piece of it in his mouth, Piper felt sick only looking at it, but then again, she felt nauseous all the time right now.


	31. Chapter 31

When Piper parked her Mustang on the grass in front of the huge estate, the gras was already packed with people, most of them with red plastic cups in their hands laughing, talking, some of them dancing or hanging their feet in the blue water of the pool.

It was strange watching normal teenagers in their natural environment, Piper had never been to such a party in her life and being here now felt surreal and at the same time freeing. This was not at all like her and that was exactly what she wanted, not being herself for an evening.

Exiting the car, she threw a closer look at the people around her, most of them she had already seen at school now and then but there was also a bunchload of guys and girls she had never seen before. Larry was giving her an encouraging smile and nodded towards the house, suggesting they'd go in first.

Pushing through the mass of people that got more and more packed the closer they got to the front door they headed for something to drink and Piper had already promised herself to get completely wasted tonight when suddenly her heart stopped in the middle of a beat and her breath got stuck in her throat. They just had entered the living room that already smelled like human sweat and booze and in the middle of the room was nobody less than her worst nightmare.

The redhead had still bruises in her face in a light shade of yellow, just like Piper had, but the cut in her lip was the thing that showed she had been a fight from a distance already and it gave Piper a strange satisfaction to see that, even though the cast on her own hand was looking way worse.

For a second Piper wanted to run, wanted to hide. But then Larry, who had seen the ginger too, took her hand, pushing it encouragingly and Piper remembered that she had sworn to herself to never let other people decide over her dignity again.

So instead of running, she followed Larry who pushed past the ginger, who was standing there almost alone, looking almost weak at Piper's sight.

She bumped her shoulder into Nicky's, feeling the shift of power. She was not afraid of Nicky anymore, there was nothing that girl could do to her anymore, she had already lost everything due to her, but at least the bully had lost something too, her immunity, her superiority and suddenly Piper seemed to be more dangerous to the gingerhead than the other way round.

She exected a reaction, expected that Nicky would turn around, grab her hair and push her to the floor, but there was no reaction at all. And then Piper saw her. Her long black hair were a mess and the dark circles under her eyes made her look like shit, she had never seen Alex looking this crappy and it almost teared her heart apart, making her angry at the same time.

Why haven't you just done one little thing to help me then we both wouldn't be in this mess?

And why do you even look so sappy when you don't even loved me in the first place? Piper's thoughts must have been written in her eyes because Alex turned her eyes away like a beaten dog.

The air in the room had gotten thicker and apart from the fade of music that hang over them, the party had gotten incredibly silent. Piper heard some whispers and she realized that people were watching and staring at her in a peculiar suspense.

At first she thougt they were watching the exchange of looks between her exgirlfriend and her but then she remembered that nobody even knew about their breakup since they still didn't know that they had been together in the first place and then she realized what they were waiting for.

And when she turned back to Nicky she saw in her face that Nicky knew too.

They were waiting for the final showdown, would the outsider be able to win a fight against the former bully and would the fallen goddess be able to turn the fate around again, winning back her dominance?

Nicky had to prove that she was still a threat, somebody to be respected and feared, and Piper could read it in her face, read the power she suddenly had over that person.

Nicky hestitated, she was alone, none of her friends around right now and she didn't seem as brave and strong as she normally pretended to be.

It was almost sad and Piper turned her face away, she wanted to walk away already when she heard the cold, hateful voice behind her.

„Hey richbitch, how about a race. You against me? You do have your car here, don't you?"

The suspense around them just had gotten thicker and she could see the horror in Alex's eyes rising, making her decision easier than it should be.

Piper turned back to the voice again, slowly, a sarcastic smile playing around her lips. This was her chance to turn things around, her chance to be superior, probably her only one.

„Oh and what do you wanna race me with? Your balance bike?" She was bolder than she should be, but she had found the perfect valve for her anger and frustration plus she knew Larry was by her side.

Nicky's eyes showed how much she had to fight her anger at Piper's comment, trying to keep her coolness and not lose it in front of everybody.

„Let that be my problem, bitch." she hissed and Piper took a step in her direction. She felt like watching herself from above, this Piper, bold, stupidly so, that was not her. That was a Piper who had nothing more to lose.

„The winner gets the losers car and can do whatever she wants with it." Nicky stated and Piper outstretched her hand, the mass roaring around them when they shook hands on it.

She could feel Larry's hand on her arm, trying to hold her back while she felt herself walking, letting the mass of people push, almost carry her outside to where the cars were parked. She was on auto mode.

This was her chance, she could beat the tyrant in this race, she had much more experience in driving a sports car than Nichols had, she knew how to drive fast and she knew how to control a car, she would beat her, win her car and finally put the bully in her place, wrench the last portion of power from her.

Suddenly Alex was in front of her, her eyes wide in worry and guilt.

„Piper, please don't." There was a single tear running down Alex's cheek but Piper just pushed past her like she wasn't even there, Alex was the last person who could stop her now just to save her sister.

And when the blonde kept ignoring her, she saw Alex pushing through the crowd towards her sister and she saw her starting to frantically talk to her, insistently. She tried to hear what Alex was saying, but in that second, Larry's hand reached for her again, grabbing her wrist with such force that she had to stopp walking. Turning around to him his face was close to her's and she could see the lack of understanding in them.

„You won't do that!" His voice was bossy and Piper got angry at him immediately, trying to pull her healthy wrist out of his grip, but he didn't let her go.

„No, you can't possibly be that fucking stupid, Piper." he hissed through his teeth and Piper could tell that he was even angrier at her than she was.

„You just wanna impress your exgirlfriend with this action. You're really wanna risk your life for HER? That's just pathetic Piper."

„Fuck you. Let me go!" she yelled at him, his words hitting the nail right on the head, she wanted power, but yes she also wanted to show Alex what she had lost.

„Piper." he said, now calm but deadserious. „I told you I won't let you use me. And you only came here with me to prove your girlfriend something."

He was wrong, she didn't come here to prove something, she came to forget, she came to pretend not being broken, but right now it could as well have been the truth, because right now she just wanted to do this, and she wouldn't let him stop her.

„If you do this, then I'm gone. For good." He threatened, his voice barely audible from naked anger.

„Fine." She hissed, pulling her hand away once more, this time she was not being held back. She turned around to a waiting Nicky and she didn't even see him walk away from her, would she be able to ever make up to him? But right now all her attention on this one chance to finally get her revenge for everything Nicky had done to her in all this time.

Nicky was already standing in front of a sports car Piper had never seen before and she walked towards her, for the first time meeting her on equal footing.

„So, we're gonna drive from here to the highway out of town to the gasstation and back here."  
Piper nodded coldly and started walking towards her car, ignoring Alex who yelled at the two of them.

„That is completely nuts, you'll have to turn in the middle of the street!"

Piper climbed on the front seat, driving her car to the where the starting and finishing line was now suppossed to be, there she turned of the gear and waited for Nicky to get ready too.

And suddenly the passenger's door was opened from the outside and Alex climbed into her car, sitting next to her on the passenger seat.

„Alex, get out." Piper told her, while the chosen umpires were still discussing about the rules outside.

„Piper, please don't do that. It's not too late to back off."

Of course it was too late, even if Piper wanted to back off, giving in now was the same as presenting her head to Nicky on a silver tray.

„Fuck you Alex, I'm doing this now. Get out."  
But Alex didn't, instead she fastened the seatbelt, shaking her head „No. This isn't even Nicky's car, she stole that somewhere"  
„Get out" Piper repeated, louder and firmer this time, but again she was ignored.  
„If you wanna kill yourself then you will have to kill me too. I'm not gonna let you get hurt."  
„Why Alex?" Piper was close to crying now, she had to pull herself together, keeping the emotions that came with being so close to Alex again after not seeing her in more than a week, at the back of her head until this race was done.  
„I'm not doing the same mistake twice." Alex whispered, and Piper saw the umpires preparing for the start with their improvised t-shirt-flag.

„Get your ass our of my car, your weight can cost me speed." making herself ready for the start, she begged Alex one last time, knowing that every pound making the car heavier could help Nicky win.

But Alex didn't even think of moving „Please Piper, don't." she begged one last time, before the boy outside gave the signal to start.  
„Screw it." the blonde hissed and stepped on the gas.

She raced down the dark road that led away from the estate, building up speed in the third gear before she inserted forth and soon after it fifth. Nicky had obviously more problems to start, lacking Piper's experience and Piper drove one the highway as first, pushing her beloved car to highspeed. There was no other car on the highway, what wasn't surprising on a friday night in their sleepy town, but Piper still thanked god for it.

She was completely focused on the street and she felt the rush of speed and control freeing her from the stone on her heart for the first time in days. Nicky was only metres behind her and Piper knew the turn would be the most dangerous point of the race, if somebody passed them in this moment they would crash into each other, probably leaving noone alive.

Piper put her hand on the handbreak, steering now only with her damaged hand while prepraing for the turn, she knew she had to drift the car to make it.

She turned the steering wheel with all her power, pulling the handbrake for a second to make the car skid and the tail of the car spinned around them, she countersteered to keep the car under control.

And suddenly Nicky tried to do the same, but she pushed her brake too hard, not getting the skidding under control and Piper had to slam on the brakes. She heard Alex scream at the top of her lungs as she saw the white sports car getting closer and closer.

She was sure this was the end, could feel the imminent impact already, that would crush every bone in her body and the last thing she thought was at least she was with the love of her life, then the car stopped, an inch before crashing into Nicky. The seat belt cut into Piper's flesh, pressing the air out of her chest, her heart was racing and the tears were dwelling in her eyes.

Nicky's car was standing athwart the street but it seemed like the ginger was way more callous than Piper was, because she started the motor again.

It took Piper only seconds to realize that Nicky was still going for this race, that they hadn't stopped due to the fact that they had all nearly died.

But these seconds were enough to be so far behind Nicky that there was no chance to outrun her anymore. She passed the finish line seconds after Nichols, hitting her brakes again. She jumped out of her car, rushing over to Nicky who was just exiting her car as well.

„You sick asshole. You nearly killed all of us!" she screamed, the shock was sitting in her neck, making her feel nauseous again.

„But I won, bitch. Give me your carkeys." The smile on Nicky's face was full of triumph but she could see the shock in her face too.

„What?" Piper asked, she could not believe what was happening, she had already forgotten about the wager, she had been too focused on inflicting a defeat on Nicky. Now she realized she had lost her car.

„No you cheated, you manipulated me."

„We had never agreed on rules, prissy. So give me the fucking carkeys." She ripped them our of Piper's hand and Piper knew she had lost, not only her car or the race, but her dignity, her short period of power, her hope and the tears were now rolling down her face.

„Give her back the keys." Suddenly Alex's voice was right next to her, shaking, and she could feel the warmth of her body radiating.

„Fuck you Al." Nicky snorted, throwing the keys up in the air and catching them again, showing off her trophy with a evil grin on her face.

Piper could feel Alex's body stiffen as she repeated her line „Give her back the keys." Her voice was loaded with tension. They were surrounded by people who still followed the conflict in suspense.  
Nichols shrugged her shoulders, staring at her sister „Why should I, I won them."

Alex took a step forward, her body now between Nicky and Piper. „You would have given her a stolen car if she had won, how is that an even wager?" She crossed her arms in front of her chest as Nicky smirked cocky.  
„Yeah, but she didn't win." she grinned „And now get out of my way."  
„No!" Alex stepped directly in front of the ginger, lowering her voice. „I won't let you do this anymore. You just nearly killed all of us!"

There was hesitation in Nicky's eyes, before she pulled herself together again.  
„What do you wanna do against it?"  
„I'm gonna tell mum, I'm gonna tell her everything, the beatup, the stolen car, everything."

Piper knew that was a real threat to Nicky, she knew Diane would kick Nicky's ass hardcore if she found out about the monster that her daughter could be and she knew Nicky needed her mother to think good of her, because she was the only one.

There was a long silence and some of the spectators decided to leave the battlefield, since it was getting really uncomfortable.

„Why Alex? Why are you even doing this? For her?" Nicky almost whispered, trying to examine her sister's face, trying to understand her motives.

Alex turned her head, looking at Piper, who watched the scene like it was a bad movie. „Yes." Alex smiled.

„Why?"  
„Because I love her." Alex said, loud and clear so that everybody who hadn't already left them to themselves could hear it, Nicky could hear it and Piper could hear it.

She felt like someone had kicked her in the kneepits making her feel like she couldn't stand upright anymore. Had Alex just confessed her love for her? In front of everyone?  
Piper felt betrayed, she felt like all the pain and sorrow she had suffered these past weeks weighing on her shoulders, could feel the emptiness in her heart being filled with questions.

Why now?  
Why like this?

Nicky's facial expression went from shock, over denial, over anger to the realization that she was alone in this, there was no backup anymore from Alex and so it turned to some kind of forced acceptance in the matter of seconds, and then she smiled her sister.

„You've always had a weird taste, Leonardo." She grinned.

And then she outstretched her hand and gave Piper the carkeys back. Turning around, she walked towards a dark haired tiny girl who Piper had seen at the starting line earlier and Nicky slung her arms around her in an intimate way.

„Oh. And you won't tell mum! Everything's cool." Nicky said to Alex, before she and the girl walked towards the house, arm in arm.

Piper stood there like a child who had just lost it's lollipop.

She could not belive what she just had witnessed and she felt like she had to wake up from this weird dream. Only that she knew this was no dream, the almost accident had been way too real.

The remaining crowd now started scattering, disappointed, betrayed. They had wanted to see a proper fight.

Alex and Piper now stood there, Alex still facing away from the blonde. She slowly turned around, not looking her in the eye, staring on the floor instead.

Neither of them said a word for a while until Alex opened her mouth.

„I love you." she said, now looking into her face.

„Is that true?" Piper whispered, Alex was so close that she coul hear her breathing.  
„Yes."

The blonde had no idea how to answer to that, she had wanted to hear this for so long, and now she was afraid that it was just too late. Alex must have read her thought because she said: „I'm sorry I haven't said that before."

The raven haired reached for the blonde's hand, taking even a step closer to her. But Piper had to take a step back.

„That doesn't fix everything." She turned her head away. All she had ever wanted was for Alex to stand up for her and to love her, now that she had done both, it should be okay. But they couldn't erase what had happened and Piper was not ready to forgive Alex.  
„What does that mean?" Alex whispered, her voice breaking from the tears that dwelled in her eyes.  
„I don't know. I just can't forget about everything that happened. Not yet."

She could see Alex swallow, watched her whipe over her eyes, before she found back her voice.  
„I … I understand." She sighed, turning away so Piper couldn't see her tears, but Piper grabbed her wrist, she couldn't let her leave.

„But … but maybe we can start by being friends?" Piper suggested, she could not forgive Alex but she also could not lose her again now that she knew how Alex was feeling about her.

„Friends?" Alex repeated.

Piper knew she loved Alex and a big part of her just wanted to pull her close, to feel her lips on her's. But there was this other part, that just felt the hollowness of the last weeks, and the fear that Alex standing up to Nicky was a one time thing.

Piper nodded.

„Friends." she said once more „For now."  
There was a smile creeping around Alex's lips, grateful and also a little hopeful.

„For now."

 _THE END_

* * *

 **So that was it (for now).**

 **Thank you all for your amazing support, for your emotions and your reactions, for your compliments and your scoldings.**

 **When I started this story I only did it because I had fun writing, but the longer I wrote the more I learned, about writing, about emotions and myself. And when someone wrote me that it took them 6 hours to read my whole story I first realized how long and hopefully deep this had gotten, it could almost fill a book. This really encourages me to try and fulfill my biggest childhood dream and write a book someday, so thank you all for that incredible gift.**

 **I know this is only a fanfiction, but it still means a lot to me and I am happy that you all shared this experience with me. (And I hope the ending doesn't piss you off too much ;)) Thank you XXX**

 **P.S. About the pre/sequel/Alex'sPOV mix, I will try to make it happen, I have already written a tiny few one-shot-like chapters but I'm not sure if I should publish them before a few others that I have in mind. Sadly I will be very busy the next 6-8 weeks (due to the finals I have in July) and I don't know how often I'll be able to write. But starting in summer I intend to publish one-shots weekly again (I'll try ;)) So stay tuned if you are interested (I will publish the title of the one shot collection in this story, once I publish the collection)**


	32. Chapter 32

**I finally started to publish the spin-off story that shows us Alex's side of the story.**

 **The title is 'Tastes like her'.**

 **I'll appreciate you reading it if you want :)**


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